( active ) bungo stray dogs: osamu dazai

[proposed]

✮ Want to play with Dazai? Comment to this post! Either drop a starter, or just drop a comment and we can plot something out!
✮ Can be informal/formal/comment spam/crosscanon/explicit/whatever tickles your fancy!
✮ Gen, shippy, lighthearted, heavy, angsty, anything goes!
✮ credit

✮ Need some inspiration? Pick a prompt from any one of these memes:

★ random scenario
★ six word stories
★ rain
★ insomnia
★ injuries
★ amnesia

Comments

[retells]

No. This is something that even I wouldn't have predicted. Death is supposed to be the end of things.

[ It is a bit more complicated than that, but it would be missing the forest to see the trees. He had accepted the finality of death not just for others, but for himself, and sought comfort in the fact that he would find nothing after.

If Odasaku is here, then that means that there is.

How should he feel about that, after spending so much time wishing to see him again?

Dazai takes a step forward, closing the gap between them. He wants to say something, but he isn't sure what. He reaches a hand out at length, trying to brush his fingers along the back of his other's hand, as though that slight gesture alone could convey all those conflicting feelings that have remained locked up tight for so long. And in return he asks, ]

Odasaku... Are you disappointed?

[ About the fact that he's alive, or about this peculiar situation that he's found himself in? Or something else entirely? Dazai doesn't clarify, but he's searching his face for an answer. ]

[notawriter]

[...When Dazai mentions death, is he only talking about Oda's? or is he also talking about his own?

Oda allows Dazai the gesture, the feel and weight of his touch is so real and grounding at the moment. After hearing his question, Oda responds by trying to take Dazai's hand in his own.

He takes a deep breath, then,]

No. I'm not disappointed. [As Dazai searches him, Oda does the same right back.] Though I don't know exactly what my feelings about many things are right now.

[His gaze drops.]

But I asked to stay with you, and we've agreed to stay together. That's not something I'd walk back.

[Even if he isn't the same Dazai from his reality.]

[retells]

[ Odasaku takes his hand before Dazai can pull it back. It's unexpected, but welcomed, and his features soften as their fingers intertwine. It's more than he'd dare dream of. His thumb rubs the back of the others hand before he squeezes.

There's so much. Dazai can understand that. He knows, too, that there's no doubt countless questions that the other hasn't asked; that he can't ask ask. if he dislikes it, it's still familiar. It's the Odasaku he remembers. It's the person he's thought of for so many years, who died in his arms, who he wanted to speak to again.

The smile that Dazai offers in return is soft. It's subdued still, but there's a genuine happiness to it.

When is the last time he looked forward to something...? It was somewhere when they met, but now... ]

You can stay as long as you wish... And I will stay by your side so long as you will have me.

[ His fingers twitch slightly, then squeeze again. Dazai is a person who struggles to express his true feelings at the best of times, and it's more difficult still for trying to sort his memories, but... ]

I'm happy that you are here... I'm happy that I can be here with you.

[notawriter]

[His gaze goes to their joined hands the first time that Dazai squeezes. Oda seems relieved and even some degree of content. When he regards Dazai again, he wears a small smile that matches Dazai's. He feels Dazai give another seemingly tentative squeeze, and he gives a more assuring and tender one in return.]

I don't know what I would've done if you weren't here. I'm grateful that you are.

[It's quite possible Oda would feel even more lost without Dazai anchoring him here in some way. It's complicated and confusing, and there are so many things that are so difficult to communicate...]

I can't speak for any of the ones from other worlds. But no matter where you're from, if you find me—

[As in, the one from the original world.]

—then I won't turn you away.

[He doesn't know how other worlds work or anything like that, but he's certain that he specifically wants Dazai by his side.]

So, do you want to go sight-seeing? Or do you want to show me where we'll be staying?

[retells]

Odasaku...

[ To be rejected by him had been like a shot through the heart. It was crushing, like losing his best friend for a second time, but even that pain seems small when compared to what those words illicit. The dam inside of him breaks, all the years of struggling and yearning seeming to hit all at once.There's cracks in his expression, and for a moment Dazai looks as though he might cry.

He can't remember the last he felt so happy. He can't remember ever feeling happy at all. It makes him want to die.

He really wanted to live with him.

But it's only for a moment before those feelings come and go, and all that tension is swept away for the final time, and when his smile returns it's softer, more honest. because the world's finally settled back into place. ]

I can show you where we'll be staying... [ He thinks for a moment before adding, ] Oh, we could try decorating it together.

[ Neither of them are really suited to home decorating, but you know. It sounds like a nice idea. ]

[notawriter]

[Oda sees Dazai briefly appear more broken and vulnerable in ways that he'd never show anyone. But the younger man seems to recover before Oda can decide whether and how to bring it to attention. He lets out a tiny sigh of relief before his expression eases into a smile reserved only for the most private moments with his friend.]

You know anything about interior design? Or is it home decoration? ...Is there a difference?

[Anyway, Dazai is the Leader of the Port Mafia. The Boss probably chooses how to furnish his own digs, so surely he knows a thing or several about it. Or, at least, more than Oda knows.]

Lead the way. You said you have a big place--was it already furnished?

[Even though there's a part of him that can't just let go of his death and how he doesn't belong here, he is actually looking forward to spending time doing even the simplest of things with Dazai.]

[retells]

[ Dazai nods once. ]

It was. If I didn't know any better, I would say that it was a model home.

[ A model home, but without the illusion of personalization. There's no knick-knacks, no fake pictures, none of those normal things stacked up on racks and placed on cabinets and other such things to make it seem more homely. It was a good match for him.

He wonders briefly if perhaps Odasaku regrets being alive. If he wants to be. Dazai won't allow him to return to the grave.

He loops back around to the first question as he pulls the other along, turning a corner, a hint of amusement appearing at last, ]

Though neither of us are home designers, so I'm sure all the appeal it's supposed to have will be ruined... Well, that suits me just fine though. You can't really call a place "homely" until you've ruined the look, right?

[ Clashing accents, things that don't belong together, things that are kept for sentimental value and art that are there just because, things clumsily thrown about or forgotten or lost... He thinks that's what they mean when they call a place "homely." ]