[ He mumbles. Hiyori is a doctor, and so he should know better, and so he should be scolded more heavily than others if he chooses to act out. He thinks on that for several seconds before finding it to be as inconsequential as everything else that comes and goes in his mind. His limbs don't respond when he tries to move though, which proves to be a more difficult issue to overcome than dismissing feelings.
He does manage to push himself up a few inches with his remaining arm, but it's wobbly and he falls back. Hiyori sighs. It's probably impossible for him, and the smile fades. If he thinks on that too long he'll fall back into the state of despondency that he was in before. The cracks will appear in the glass will become visible, and he'll realize that all of his hard work and effort mean nothing at this moment. But those little bits of effort, those thoughts which are as heavy as his limbs, make him want to fade back to sleep. ]
[ He does manage a chuckle, and the fingertips of his functional hand brush up against the side of his arm before trailing down. Perhaps if he were to work hard enough, he could overcome the physical limitations of his body. There's something about being under the influence that leaves a person vulnerable to such thoughts. It allows him to accept other things just as well, and Hiyori tilts his head back to look back at the ceiling.
What else had he been told in the blur that has been the last few days? Ah, that's right... They had probably intended to state it again, knowing that he was too dazed to understand it, but it was a courtesy to tell him at the time of the decision all the same. ]
I won't be returning to the clinic. They believe it would be better for me to focus on my chronic health issues at this time. I'll be adequately compensated.
[ His words are slow, with slurs and pauses mixed in as he tries to remember the vocabulary for what he wants to say, but he does manage to get through the explanation. In short, he was now considered to be more of a liability than an asset. A brilliant doctor and surgeon, but not one who they could risk having a person who was injured and resigned, started to come back, and then once more wound up hospitalized... No, realistically this was probably just them completing the transfer of power. Those who worked there were likely already comfortable with the change.
It was a kind of punishment for allowing himself to wind up in such a pitiful position. ]
The hospital too... Ahh, they probably threw out all my candy...
[ Though that one made more sense, as he could no longer fulfill his duties. There would be no more running himself ragged, sleepless nights, falling asleep in his office between appointments or in the break room or in his car. The doors had been shut on that for now. He seems more upset about the candy that was lost in the war than anything for the moment. Hiyori offers a wry smile as he finally tilts his head back down so he can look at Komaeda properly. ]
[ Their fingers lace together, and Hiyori struggles with processing the series of assertions presented to him. He's not supposed to eat sweets, but he thinks that someone should sneak them into his room. He thinks that candy pearls might be nice, or perhaps some truffles. They would probably take them away, but if he explained it to them then they might not... Ah, he's saying something else, isn't he?
He doesn't understand why it's a good thing, but it's a decision that he has to accept and a problem to be dealt with later. He enjoys the warmth of Komaeda's hand instead, focusing on that sensation as his thoughts wander. There's only ASUNARO now. He would be a regional director and a surgeon and nothing more. No patients that he would care for every step of the way, no being called in at all hours of the night, no mountain of endless paperwork to keep things flowing smoothly... If only it had taken all of those tedious meetings with it. ]
Mmhm... I'll just be one of ASUNARO's directors and their top surgeon... They're probably going to give me more work now...
[ It's a little boring, but there were no shortage of experimental procedures that would be given to him over time. It's likely to increase in volume with his schedule free. They could have asked him to do so at any time, but there hadn't been a true need to, he supposes. Regardless, it would be a far less punishing schedule. Is he the only one who sees issue with it? He supposes the excitement shown here should be an answer in and of itself. ]
People are easily overwhelmed by anyone different... [ He mumbles that, thinking of his own experiences, ] Our conversations were always fun.
[ It's a bit difficult to page through his memories now, but he can clearly remember the patient before him. He had been a difficult at first, as those who were rejected by one doctor after another would be, but they were the easiest to get to open up once a person found the right point. For Komaeda, he simply needed another person to validate his thoughts. He believed in hope and seeing those Ultimates that admired succeed, and so long as Hiyori listened to him earnestly and met him there he would be manageable.
Komaeda was violent, prone to mood swings, difficult, and disgustingly earnest. He didn't care about anything save those he deemed important, and that made him easy to deal with. He was weak, frail, and telegraphed, and that typically allowed him to avoid harm. It was a fun project, and Hiyori had wanted to help him. He loves the unlovable, those miserable and vile creatures that need to be put to death, and so he had loved Komaeda as well. He loved him because his passion is seeing how he can twist and change others.
It's only those who have no love to give that are useless to him. ]
You were never a burden. I was happy then, so there's no problem.
[ That's how it is for those in the medical field. One falls in love with their patients and nurses them back to health before returning them back to the world. Those patients tend to leave a small piece of their heart behind, and Hiyori collects those and sews them together to make a patchwork quilt of love and happiness and hopes realized. It was a blanket that kept him warm at all times of year. But it is true enough that he only takes those cases that interest him.
He winces when the finger touches his chest, vapid stare drawn to that movement in the same way that a cat's might be, and the fact that he can stare with a smile despite the injury is a testament to how well cared for he is. He's heavily drugged, and so it takes him longer to process that statement than it really should. He thinks this might be a little familiar, but he can't pin down why that might be. ]
It was fun...
[ He blinks. He did, in fact, shove something inside of Hiyori - multiple times, in fact. It's an experience that he'd rather not repeat. There shouldn't be any sharp objects in the room though. ]
[ who wouldn't leave such an important decision to a guy who's half-dead and under the influence... that's so insane of him
There's a hazy smile as he clarifies, along with a small nod. They're simple and honest, and he rests his head against Komaeda now. It can't be called fun to be in a hospital with someone, but this is comfortable enough.
A honeymoon, hm... He closes his eyes as he considers that idea. Their vows were made with two hands holding a knife, only one of which could guide it, and piercing flesh and bone and letting blood intermingle. There was no one who could deny that such an action was a purer pact than simply exchanging rings or san san kudo. It was the kind of pure and raw connection that most could only dream of. He should have admired it in another.
Then the honeymoon would certainly come after. He wishes he could move his injured arm. It would be usable again, but not now. He settles for nuzzling against him for now. ]
[ Hiyori yawns a little. He does as he pleases, and so the Hiyori of now can make no such promises for what the Hiyori of tomorrow shall do. He hums happily as he thinks on the here and now, thoughts diverted from his crippled body to the kind of comfort that human contact always brings to a person, and of the cute AI waiting for him at home. ]
Maple-chan? That doesn't sound like her.
[ Maple was sweet, charming, and romantic, without a mean bone in her body. Even once those negative emotions were programmed into her, they would be free of true hatred, simple and easily manipulated. It would be a little puzzle, and in the end she would always hold her happiness and love for humans as a whole. The perfect companion for him.
It doesn't even occur to him how strange it is for Komaeda to know of her existence given that his office is always locked up tight. ]
[ Only ever so slightly, as he doesn't even seem to recognize the way that his entire life has been stripped from him. How long had it taken to build up that clinic? How much time and effort was put into maintaining a carefully built life that was steadily shortening his lifespan? The end results of those efforts had been swept away in an instant. The patients that he loved, the faces that he saw, the lives that he was changing, all those projects that would remain forever incomplete.
No, he seems content. He's only ever content when he's like this, too pumped full of drugs to hang onto any one thought. ]
[ That memory is easier to draw upon than others. Perhaps Hiyori had hope before that moment. He's not certain. He had never felt much strongly, he had always acted as he pleased, but that had been overpowering. It was thrilling and terrifying all at once, like a disease coursing through him. ]
Mm... It's like a sticky black tar that clings to the mind and body. It weighs your limbs down and chokes out all breath. It robs the mind of all thought, and it robs all light from the world.
[ That's what it had felt like for him. The world was no longer gray, it was an inky black. It was a hopeless void. There was nothing, nothing at all, and everything in it so worthless as to need to be broken down and destroyed. It was knowledge that it would be, that there wasn't a single person who could stop it. Empty, empty, emptier than he is now, so that his red blood could be replaced by that black tar that corroded everything it touched, his lungs filled with it.
To think that he could have held onto that forever... It's a frightening thing. He had found his reason for living in it though. He had found his reason for putting forth such efforts that no one would ever exceed him.
He pulls at the blanket a little as Komaeda lays down. He's free to crawl beneath it where it's warmer if he'd like. ]
... Yes, I've been rejected by many since that day, haven't I? Hm, does that mean Sou Hiyori is unlovable now?
[ It's a cute thing to say after explaining how he had overlooked him. I loved you before I ever met you only works in those cases in which a person feels love. Had he loved that title before meeting it? No, because it didn't exist, it had remained hidden in an old yet pristine medical kit. It exists now though, or he would were he more aware - those people who knew him would have their lives shaken knowing they were touched by such talent, worked alongside such talent, the lovechild of Hope's Peak and ASUNARO who accepted only their brightest and best. How funny, how funny... ]
... Yes, it's a skill that should be impossible to develop at such a young age.
[ But he was special. He was the child of such brilliant Ultimates. He was a child of ASUNARO, bound to them as much as the talent he would develop. The former he mistakes for a choice even now. ]
My surgical skills are well used, but Hope's Peak rejected me. I cause them trouble just by existing... I'm already admired by so many... I was happy, don't you think? I don't need the wishy washy and loveless.
[ Happy as Sou Hiyori, renowned for his talent despite lacking Ultimate status; happy as Sou Hiyori, who was occasionally met with shock that he'd been overlooked despite his clear success, including his position at ASUNARO who only took the best from Hope's Peak; happy as Sou Hiyori, who could be loved.
They're the idle ramblings of a man on drugs, flitting from one thought to another. There's no direction and no meaning. Or perhaps there is. Even the mystery flavor grows stale and boring once one realizes that it's just a cheap confection, a set rotation that anyone can predict. But the man he's been reduced to now can do no such things, and so it need wait until sobreity curses him of this final delusion. ]
[ He does and he doesn't. That title was a ball and chain that had to drag along behind him. He undid the lock on it while using despair as the key, but he has no such illusions that a small setback like that would deter others from seeing it as anything but the astounding institution they've built it up to be. It was a trial for them to overcome, and their brilliance shined brighter. The boy laying with him is hardly the only one who would think it as such. But he's no Ultimate, it's been proclaimed such. It only means that they stripped him of their blessing and that ought be respected.
He humors himself with the idea of if enough people uncovered him, if he were to kick up enough fuss and gain enough esteem, if they would try to claim him once more. They might if there was benefit to be had, but they shouldn't, and he should like to think they were smart enough to avoid tethering themselves to a person who has no love for their institution once more. Those thoughts are the drugs speaking. ]
Komaeda-kun is an amazing person. He just can't see it.
[ He places his hand over the one reaching out. He'll try to push ti down, but it's not as though he has the strength to do much in this state. Breaking his fingers was nothing more than a pipe dream. Those so-called Ultimates were largely wastes of oxygen, able to stumble through doing one thing with empty heads, fortunate to be carried through life by title alone for how incompetent so mayn of them are. The so-called untalented majority proves to be of far more interest. ]
You can't... I don't want my stay to be longer than necessary.
[ It would be terrible for him if he succeeded, but without a doubt Hiyori would destroy what remained of his body trying to stop that. He lives up to the burden placed upon him, putting forth an impossible effort, all for the sake of his future. It would damage the wounds with the fresh air, and he would tear open each and every single one, vomit up blood and wind up separated for the world all the longer for the extra damage done. It's an amusing prospect, one that he's not quite object to, but that he doesn't support either.
But Komaeda might notice the subtle shift in speech patterns. It's more casual than what he tends to adopt, the prim and proper talk of a heir, no less intelligent but just a touch more in line with those he's so often around. The minority, the majority, they're all disgusting and inelegant. It's through careful effort and the training of his family that he learned to speak properly, but in his youthful years, in the best parts of those days, he had been as simple and easy as any child.
Old habits die hard, and at times such as this he forgets the wonderful adult he was groomed to be. He loses that mask, discards it, sets it back on the shelf in favor of something far simpler. But it's no less kind, and it's no less loving. ]
... Here, yes. I can't ask my family to visit me.
[ The fingers of his broken arm twitch. The knife went through flesh and bone, and it does raise a bit before flopping back down. His good hand comes up to lift it, seeming to entertain the idea of what to do with it before he tries to flop it down on Komaeda's lap. He can shove it off, break fingers, break the arm, whatever he'd like - theres no feeling it in right now, nothing except Hiyori all the closer and pushing against him to allow for that limp and worthless limb to settle.
His father is busy. His mother is gone, but she would be busy too, brilliant and talented and dedicated as she was... Would she have made time? Would she have come and fussed over him and cried? Would she have held him like before, told him how worried she was? His parents were always strict and distant, but warm and loving, and perhaps she would have. He'll never know now ]
Only Komaeda-kun has visited me... Michiru-chan and Emiri-chan for business...
[ Komaeda will no doubt recognize them as Namida-san and Harai-san, and perhaps these are old memories as well. A first name basis, chan for his cuties, but just detached and formal business partners now. ]
I can't imagine a life without my work. I'm sure it'd be lonely... And my stay now would be lonely without Komaeda-kun.
[ A life in which every second is filled, and thus loneliness and sadness have no chance to leak through. It's a happy, happy life, because his every desire and whim is fulfilled. His good hand lifts now to cup Komaeda's cheek so that he can kiss his temple, a sweet and chaste show of affection.
False loves are fleeting, going where the freeze takes them, but Hiyori's affections shall last so long as the sun burns bright - it'll eventually burst in a brilliant supernova, but until then, it shall shine its warmth and light on others. ]
[ It is. One doesn't learn to speak in such a proper, formal manner naturally; it takes time and effort, and so Hiyori had put in both in order to become the kind of person who would be loved by all. But in his youth he was just that, and his speech patterns had matched that of his peers. Even now, that easy going way of talking comes naturally to him if he allows it to. Yet, he doesn't because he's Sou Hiyori - beloved by all who meet him, formal and prim and proper, the ideal human being, above all the rest in every way.
Easy, causal, too familiar, and even a touch ridiculous - everyone has that phase, and it had never once held him back when he could use it to communicate freely and naturally with those around him. Children were easily tricked by an adult who made them feel loved and warm, adults swayed when confronted with a man of confidence and warmth and care, but in those days all that was needed was a natural born leader who could communicate easily and readily. It's easy to slip back into those old habits while under the focus on heavy drugs, enough to mask the pain of his various injuries.
Komaeda's arms around him, and he leans into that touch and the cheek rubbing against his head despite the lack of true affection behind it. ]
That doesn't matter. They're not coming for me, and I have no interest in them now.
[ It's a little too blunt perhaps, but there doesn't seem to be any harm intended. Rather, it's probably closer in line to what one would expect of a man who so rarely takes on anything. The smiles and kind remarks, the polite words and gentle rejections were nothing more than a dolled up version of stating that they were dull and colorless, unworthy of the attention of one whom could make others shiny as brightly as the stars in the sky. To earn that, one had to be different from all others - better, brighter, or otherwise dimmer, emptier, more despairing. ]
I'll worry too much if you leave now.
[ His good arm slides up now, rubbing Komaeda's before reaching up to the top of his head. Hiyori's mood does seem to have stabilized for the moment, and barring further agitation seems liable to stay as is. Youthful, personal, less guarded than he normally is - a version of himself that he doesn't dare show others. But he does laugh softly as he thinks on the state of the hospital. They were worse without him; every place that he left was, but... ]
Mm, it's not them... Sou gets special treatment because of who he is. Mmn, but I shouldn't let them treat Komaeda-kun like this.
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[ He mumbles. Hiyori is a doctor, and so he should know better, and so he should be scolded more heavily than others if he chooses to act out. He thinks on that for several seconds before finding it to be as inconsequential as everything else that comes and goes in his mind. His limbs don't respond when he tries to move though, which proves to be a more difficult issue to overcome than dismissing feelings.
He does manage to push himself up a few inches with his remaining arm, but it's wobbly and he falls back. Hiyori sighs. It's probably impossible for him, and the smile fades. If he thinks on that too long he'll fall back into the state of despondency that he was in before. The cracks will appear in the glass will become visible, and he'll realize that all of his hard work and effort mean nothing at this moment. But those little bits of effort, those thoughts which are as heavy as his limbs, make him want to fade back to sleep. ]
I can't move.
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[ He does manage a chuckle, and the fingertips of his functional hand brush up against the side of his arm before trailing down. Perhaps if he were to work hard enough, he could overcome the physical limitations of his body. There's something about being under the influence that leaves a person vulnerable to such thoughts. It allows him to accept other things just as well, and Hiyori tilts his head back to look back at the ceiling.
What else had he been told in the blur that has been the last few days? Ah, that's right... They had probably intended to state it again, knowing that he was too dazed to understand it, but it was a courtesy to tell him at the time of the decision all the same. ]
I won't be returning to the clinic. They believe it would be better for me to focus on my chronic health issues at this time. I'll be adequately compensated.
[ His words are slow, with slurs and pauses mixed in as he tries to remember the vocabulary for what he wants to say, but he does manage to get through the explanation. In short, he was now considered to be more of a liability than an asset. A brilliant doctor and surgeon, but not one who they could risk having a person who was injured and resigned, started to come back, and then once more wound up hospitalized... No, realistically this was probably just them completing the transfer of power. Those who worked there were likely already comfortable with the change.
It was a kind of punishment for allowing himself to wind up in such a pitiful position. ]
The hospital too... Ahh, they probably threw out all my candy...
[ Though that one made more sense, as he could no longer fulfill his duties. There would be no more running himself ragged, sleepless nights, falling asleep in his office between appointments or in the break room or in his car. The doors had been shut on that for now. He seems more upset about the candy that was lost in the war than anything for the moment. Hiyori offers a wry smile as he finally tilts his head back down so he can look at Komaeda properly. ]
That just leaves the one now.
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He doesn't understand why it's a good thing, but it's a decision that he has to accept and a problem to be dealt with later. He enjoys the warmth of Komaeda's hand instead, focusing on that sensation as his thoughts wander. There's only ASUNARO now. He would be a regional director and a surgeon and nothing more. No patients that he would care for every step of the way, no being called in at all hours of the night, no mountain of endless paperwork to keep things flowing smoothly... If only it had taken all of those tedious meetings with it. ]
Mmhm... I'll just be one of ASUNARO's directors and their top surgeon... They're probably going to give me more work now...
[ It's a little boring, but there were no shortage of experimental procedures that would be given to him over time. It's likely to increase in volume with his schedule free. They could have asked him to do so at any time, but there hadn't been a true need to, he supposes. Regardless, it would be a far less punishing schedule. Is he the only one who sees issue with it? He supposes the excitement shown here should be an answer in and of itself. ]
Was being taken care of by me that bad?
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[ It's a bit difficult to page through his memories now, but he can clearly remember the patient before him. He had been a difficult at first, as those who were rejected by one doctor after another would be, but they were the easiest to get to open up once a person found the right point. For Komaeda, he simply needed another person to validate his thoughts. He believed in hope and seeing those Ultimates that admired succeed, and so long as Hiyori listened to him earnestly and met him there he would be manageable.
Komaeda was violent, prone to mood swings, difficult, and disgustingly earnest. He didn't care about anything save those he deemed important, and that made him easy to deal with. He was weak, frail, and telegraphed, and that typically allowed him to avoid harm. It was a fun project, and Hiyori had wanted to help him. He loves the unlovable, those miserable and vile creatures that need to be put to death, and so he had loved Komaeda as well. He loved him because his passion is seeing how he can twist and change others.
It's only those who have no love to give that are useless to him. ]
You were never a burden. I was happy then, so there's no problem.
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[ That's how it is for those in the medical field. One falls in love with their patients and nurses them back to health before returning them back to the world. Those patients tend to leave a small piece of their heart behind, and Hiyori collects those and sews them together to make a patchwork quilt of love and happiness and hopes realized. It was a blanket that kept him warm at all times of year. But it is true enough that he only takes those cases that interest him.
He winces when the finger touches his chest, vapid stare drawn to that movement in the same way that a cat's might be, and the fact that he can stare with a smile despite the injury is a testament to how well cared for he is. He's heavily drugged, and so it takes him longer to process that statement than it really should. He thinks this might be a little familiar, but he can't pin down why that might be. ]
It was fun...
[ He blinks. He did, in fact, shove something inside of Hiyori - multiple times, in fact. It's an experience that he'd rather not repeat. There shouldn't be any sharp objects in the room though. ]
... Komaeda-kun...?
[ ...? ]
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There's a hazy smile as he clarifies, along with a small nod. They're simple and honest, and he rests his head against Komaeda now. It can't be called fun to be in a hospital with someone, but this is comfortable enough.
A honeymoon, hm... He closes his eyes as he considers that idea. Their vows were made with two hands holding a knife, only one of which could guide it, and piercing flesh and bone and letting blood intermingle. There was no one who could deny that such an action was a purer pact than simply exchanging rings or san san kudo. It was the kind of pure and raw connection that most could only dream of. He should have admired it in another.
Then the honeymoon would certainly come after. He wishes he could move his injured arm. It would be usable again, but not now. He settles for nuzzling against him for now. ]
Mmn, we should have a honeymoon.
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Maple-chan? That doesn't sound like her.
[ Maple was sweet, charming, and romantic, without a mean bone in her body. Even once those negative emotions were programmed into her, they would be free of true hatred, simple and easily manipulated. It would be a little puzzle, and in the end she would always hold her happiness and love for humans as a whole. The perfect companion for him.
It doesn't even occur to him how strange it is for Komaeda to know of her existence given that his office is always locked up tight. ]
She's a hopeless romantic.
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No, he seems content. He's only ever content when he's like this, too pumped full of drugs to hang onto any one thought. ]
Mm...? My turn?
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Mm... It's like a sticky black tar that clings to the mind and body. It weighs your limbs down and chokes out all breath. It robs the mind of all thought, and it robs all light from the world.
[ That's what it had felt like for him. The world was no longer gray, it was an inky black. It was a hopeless void. There was nothing, nothing at all, and everything in it so worthless as to need to be broken down and destroyed. It was knowledge that it would be, that there wasn't a single person who could stop it. Empty, empty, emptier than he is now, so that his red blood could be replaced by that black tar that corroded everything it touched, his lungs filled with it.
To think that he could have held onto that forever... It's a frightening thing. He had found his reason for living in it though. He had found his reason for putting forth such efforts that no one would ever exceed him.
He pulls at the blanket a little as Komaeda lays down. He's free to crawl beneath it where it's warmer if he'd like. ]
... Yes, I've been rejected by many since that day, haven't I? Hm, does that mean Sou Hiyori is unlovable now?
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... Yes, it's a skill that should be impossible to develop at such a young age.
[ But he was special. He was the child of such brilliant Ultimates. He was a child of ASUNARO, bound to them as much as the talent he would develop. The former he mistakes for a choice even now. ]
My surgical skills are well used, but Hope's Peak rejected me. I cause them trouble just by existing... I'm already admired by so many... I was happy, don't you think? I don't need the wishy washy and loveless.
[ Happy as Sou Hiyori, renowned for his talent despite lacking Ultimate status; happy as Sou Hiyori, who was occasionally met with shock that he'd been overlooked despite his clear success, including his position at ASUNARO who only took the best from Hope's Peak; happy as Sou Hiyori, who could be loved.
They're the idle ramblings of a man on drugs, flitting from one thought to another. There's no direction and no meaning. Or perhaps there is. Even the mystery flavor grows stale and boring once one realizes that it's just a cheap confection, a set rotation that anyone can predict. But the man he's been reduced to now can do no such things, and so it need wait until sobreity curses him of this final delusion. ]
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He humors himself with the idea of if enough people uncovered him, if he were to kick up enough fuss and gain enough esteem, if they would try to claim him once more. They might if there was benefit to be had, but they shouldn't, and he should like to think they were smart enough to avoid tethering themselves to a person who has no love for their institution once more. Those thoughts are the drugs speaking. ]
Komaeda-kun is an amazing person. He just can't see it.
[ He places his hand over the one reaching out. He'll try to push ti down, but it's not as though he has the strength to do much in this state. Breaking his fingers was nothing more than a pipe dream. Those so-called Ultimates were largely wastes of oxygen, able to stumble through doing one thing with empty heads, fortunate to be carried through life by title alone for how incompetent so mayn of them are. The so-called untalented majority proves to be of far more interest. ]
... Is being near me that bad?
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[ It would be terrible for him if he succeeded, but without a doubt Hiyori would destroy what remained of his body trying to stop that. He lives up to the burden placed upon him, putting forth an impossible effort, all for the sake of his future. It would damage the wounds with the fresh air, and he would tear open each and every single one, vomit up blood and wind up separated for the world all the longer for the extra damage done. It's an amusing prospect, one that he's not quite object to, but that he doesn't support either.
But Komaeda might notice the subtle shift in speech patterns. It's more casual than what he tends to adopt, the prim and proper talk of a heir, no less intelligent but just a touch more in line with those he's so often around. The minority, the majority, they're all disgusting and inelegant. It's through careful effort and the training of his family that he learned to speak properly, but in his youthful years, in the best parts of those days, he had been as simple and easy as any child.
Old habits die hard, and at times such as this he forgets the wonderful adult he was groomed to be. He loses that mask, discards it, sets it back on the shelf in favor of something far simpler. But it's no less kind, and it's no less loving. ]
... Here, yes. I can't ask my family to visit me.
[ The fingers of his broken arm twitch. The knife went through flesh and bone, and it does raise a bit before flopping back down. His good hand comes up to lift it, seeming to entertain the idea of what to do with it before he tries to flop it down on Komaeda's lap. He can shove it off, break fingers, break the arm, whatever he'd like - theres no feeling it in right now, nothing except Hiyori all the closer and pushing against him to allow for that limp and worthless limb to settle.
His father is busy. His mother is gone, but she would be busy too, brilliant and talented and dedicated as she was... Would she have made time? Would she have come and fussed over him and cried? Would she have held him like before, told him how worried she was? His parents were always strict and distant, but warm and loving, and perhaps she would have. He'll never know now ]
Only Komaeda-kun has visited me... Michiru-chan and Emiri-chan for business...
[ Komaeda will no doubt recognize them as Namida-san and Harai-san, and perhaps these are old memories as well. A first name basis, chan for his cuties, but just detached and formal business partners now. ]
I can't imagine a life without my work. I'm sure it'd be lonely... And my stay now would be lonely without Komaeda-kun.
[ A life in which every second is filled, and thus loneliness and sadness have no chance to leak through. It's a happy, happy life, because his every desire and whim is fulfilled. His good hand lifts now to cup Komaeda's cheek so that he can kiss his temple, a sweet and chaste show of affection.
False loves are fleeting, going where the freeze takes them, but Hiyori's affections shall last so long as the sun burns bright - it'll eventually burst in a brilliant supernova, but until then, it shall shine its warmth and light on others. ]
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Easy, causal, too familiar, and even a touch ridiculous - everyone has that phase, and it had never once held him back when he could use it to communicate freely and naturally with those around him. Children were easily tricked by an adult who made them feel loved and warm, adults swayed when confronted with a man of confidence and warmth and care, but in those days all that was needed was a natural born leader who could communicate easily and readily. It's easy to slip back into those old habits while under the focus on heavy drugs, enough to mask the pain of his various injuries.
Komaeda's arms around him, and he leans into that touch and the cheek rubbing against his head despite the lack of true affection behind it. ]
That doesn't matter. They're not coming for me, and I have no interest in them now.
[ It's a little too blunt perhaps, but there doesn't seem to be any harm intended. Rather, it's probably closer in line to what one would expect of a man who so rarely takes on anything. The smiles and kind remarks, the polite words and gentle rejections were nothing more than a dolled up version of stating that they were dull and colorless, unworthy of the attention of one whom could make others shiny as brightly as the stars in the sky. To earn that, one had to be different from all others - better, brighter, or otherwise dimmer, emptier, more despairing. ]
I'll worry too much if you leave now.
[ His good arm slides up now, rubbing Komaeda's before reaching up to the top of his head. Hiyori's mood does seem to have stabilized for the moment, and barring further agitation seems liable to stay as is. Youthful, personal, less guarded than he normally is - a version of himself that he doesn't dare show others. But he does laugh softly as he thinks on the state of the hospital. They were worse without him; every place that he left was, but... ]
Mm, it's not them... Sou gets special treatment because of who he is. Mmn, but I shouldn't let them treat Komaeda-kun like this.
[ He closes his eyes, murmuring, ]
Mmn, please...? My cute husband... ♡
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three days later i realize that i didn't post this the first time i wrote it
STOP THIS IS WHY I'M SICK OF IT
ur right, this is his life now. i think they both desereve this
NOT THEIR PORN ERA it kind of is, we should record them
u mean komaeda's blackmail material
NOT HIS SPERM SWIPING... see the blackmail material is to ensure he'll be a good father
STOP IT'S WHAT HE DESERVES i'm ending this
STOP I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE i'm happy for both of them, the start of their family
HIS FIRST AND LAST NUT 753 TAGS LATER
STOP HE DIDN'T EVEN LET KOMAEDA CUM INSIDE, HE DOESN'T DESERVE IT
I KNOW, SO I'M GOING TO RUIN IT FOR HIM!!
I HATE THAT ABOUT HIM, HE'S SICK IN THE HEAD
CLOSES MY EYES SO I DO NOT SEE IT
I OPENED THEM AND IMMEDIATELY REGRETTED IT
I FEEL LIKE I NEED AN EXORCISM RN
I GOTTA RID MYSELF OF THIS EVIL ONCE AND FOR ALL
NOT UR BOO... OK YEAH HE'S MY HUSBAND I GUESS I'M STUCK WITH HIM
HE REALLY IS IT'S PRETTY CUTE OF HIM NGL
my definition of cute is objectively correct
ok i can't even deny that, insanity is everything that i know and love