If you take a single strawberry, it'll only make you hungrier... It's best to pass it by, but you... might see if there's a house nearby in the field.
[ If one could find a house, they might find people. If those people wouldn't give you food, they might at least offer up a glass of water. Humans can survive a surprisingly long time without food, some fasting for weeks at a time, but water is essential to preserving throughout that time.
The needle starts to slide out with that little tug, and as drugged as he is Hiyori barely notices. It takes just one or two more to remove it completely, and his fingers twitch as the sensation hits him, but there's little more than that. The thought of being cut off from the drugs that are numbing him doesn't occur to him at all. His mind remains on the field presented to him for just a moment before moving onto something else. ]
[ Regardless of whether or not he's hear this particular question, it's likely enough that he's heard similar, but unfortunately the nature of it doesn't quite register as it normally might. In fact, it reminds him more of how people will pluck off a few grapes in the grocery store or indulge in other grazing habits. His head starts to turn as he feels the needle slide out, but he's quickly drawn back by the temptation being set in front of him. ]
No, no... I'd like to think that I have more sense than that.
[ Manners, amongst other things. Hiyori is many things, and he indulges as he wishes, but mindlessly plucking fruit off a vine in someone's field due to a little inconvenience is beneath him. ]
[ A shiver runs down his spine as those fingers brush against his warm skin, and it takes him a little longer to answer the question this time. He has to think about it. If they were wild berries, then it would be disgusting but relatively harmless. But it seems unlikely that one would simply pass by a wild patch of strawberries and need to question whether or not they should take them - after all, people do so all the time. So then, it's just a matter of whether or not he wants to pluck a few grapes from the bag as he goes along the store.
That easy smile remains on his face. ]
Then I'll have to endure until I reach my destination. Taking simply because you're not afraid of being caught is a child's way of thinking.
[ Hiyori takes. He takes and takes and takes, but it's never out of some sense of secrecy or of it not mattering. He does so because he can, because he's earned the right to do so. But he does take notice of the needle that had been removed now, and he pinches the connector between his fingers.
You shouldn't take another person's things. You wouldn't rip a doll out of a child's hand, right? You shouldn't pick it up because they went to grab another from the toybox either.
[ He earns everything he takes for himself. It's love that's freely given, it's relationships and status carefully crafted by his own hands, and it's possessions gifted and bought by him. They're all his. But he would never rip out a toy from a child's hand or pluck strawberries from the vine when he could hold gentle conversations and watch as they convinced themselves to offer that and more up to him.
There's nothing stopping him, just as there's nothing to stop Komaeda as he takes the connector and throws it behind him. It's gone from the bed, hanging loosely down from the IV, and he has no means of reaching it when his body won't move. It's unfortunate that his thoughts fail to warn him of the excruciating pain that awaits him in a few hours time as all the aches and pains of a mutilated torso, a stabbed chest and thighs, and a skinned and cut and dug into arm assault him all once. But at least he thinks to question it. ]
What are you doing, Komaeda-kun?
[ He doesn't sound concerned in the least, although perhaps a bit curious, and his thoughts move back to their field. He'll have to walk away from it. Where is his destination? It can be anywhere, but he'll know it when he sees it. It will be a beloved place that will attend to his needs, and perhaps he'll find an equally beloved person there. ]
[ Drugs that numb the mind and body alike, that steal away the need for anything at all. There's no need for pain nor pleasure, nor lasting happiness nor sadness, just an idle bliss. It's a close as a person can come to heaven. But it fades quickly, as all things do, and with it gone the effects will taper off bit by bit, and the slight sensation in his extremities begins to return first.
It's just a little bit, just enough that there's not the numbness of a limb that's fallen asleep that he wasn't able to notice before. But he notices it now as he cups Komaeda's cheek, letting it linger for just a moment before he leans in to kiss him. Once, twice, and that's enough to remember how much he loves him. How much he care this cute, broken creature that no one else in the entire world could possibly love. ]
[ He does, one that's been growing out over the few months. It seems he'd been given a trim at some point (he doesn't remember it,) but without proper maintenance it's lost the odd cut. The lower half has begun to look rather shaggy and uneven as a result. Even so, with a bit more time and another trim it might be put into a cute ponytail. It's something to be enjoyed in the time before he regains his sense and returns to that ugly hairstyle.
Gentle kisses that turn into something more, though he barely feels it when his lip is bit down on. He takes in slow breaths as Komaeda starts to trail kisses down his face in a familiar pattern, and he must be able to feel the bite on his neck because it draws a moan from him. His hand had since moved to the back of his head trailing , but it slips away as Komaeda moves down. He blinks slowly as he watches the younger ultimate move down, wondering how far he'll go, wondering what will get in the way... Their conditions, he supposes.
Hiyori's abdomen is a sight to see - hidden behind stitches, staples and bandages meant to keep his fragile and damaged organs held inside. It's more sensitive than the rest of him from having taken the brunt of the damage, and he jerks when Komaeda starts to pain attention to the area and brings with him the first hint of pain since arriving, and a little whimper follows it, but his present state doesn't allow for much movement. His stomach rises and falls with each shallow breath that he takes, and the beeping of the heart monitor is growing a little quicker as his heartbeat picks up. ]
[ The beeps of the monitor promise that every little move is a success, causing his heartrate to increase and his breaths come out quicker now. If he had a better range of movement, Hiyori might be able to guide him along, but as it is there's only increasing pleasure and pain and frustration as Komaeda toys with his body. His head leans back when his thigh is rubbed, and there's a cry of pain as that warm tongue teases his staple. The area is sensitive, and without an influx of drugs to numb it the pain of that small touch is enough for tears to form in the corners of his eyes.
It's love, and sometimes love is pain, and yet Hiyori goes so far to avoid this pain. He trembles and fingers twitch, but it has the intended effect as that burst of pain from having his staple agitated and his legs spread apart only serves to make the kisses feel all the sweeter. His hot breath, the audible kisses, the cool feeling of open air hitting the saliva left on his thigh all send tremors throughout his body. ]
Ah... K-Komaeda-kun... ♡
[ His name comes out a little gasp. His body is warm, his face flushed, and if only he weren't so heavily drugged and lacking mobility he might take him and flip him around so he could capture those soft lips once more and run his fingers down his skin. He might feel those fingernails claw down his back as he poured every last bit of his affection into him. It's love, it's true love, and if only he could show him how much further wants to go. ]
[ Was that too rough? Komaeda is delicate, and so he has to treat him with care, otherwise he'll be mistaken for a person who would do harm to those he loves. Love can seem cruel at those times when it's controlling and isolating, but everything is done for the sake of building up the kind of love that they all dream of. He inhales sharply as the other bites down on him, and it hurts to be moved like this, and it makes him all the more aware of the pleasant sensation of cool fingers wrapping around his dick.
He moves his hand up, letting it rest on his head for just a moment. He runs it through his hair, but pulls it back once he starts to whimper and his fingers start to curl. The quick beeps that come from the heartrate monitor pierce his ears, but it seems as though the blood has rushed to his head and he can't hear anything other than his name rolling off of Komaeda's tongue. It's a lovely, intoxicating sound, almost as much as the heat that radiates off of him.
They shouldn't be in this position. Hiyori shouldn't allow this to continue, not in this place and at this time when it could easily end poorly for both of them, but it's too late for that. There's a low moan as Komaeda's tongue now moves along his scrotum, his back arching in response to the combination of that and his tightened grip, and his body trembles in anticipation and delight. ]
[ There's another moan as Komaeda's tongue and hand work in tandem, louder this time. There's some part of his mind that's still functional enough to know that making as much noise as he is will draw attention before too long, but that seems as though it should be another person's problem, and so he takes in quick breaths and letting his hand drop down to the side beneath him. Each time his tongue slides across his dick and each nibble draws out another sound, and moisture beads at the top.
It's unfair to toy with him like this at such a time when he can do absolutely nothing about it. But then, how long has he waited for this? Too long, too long, and even longer since he's been with anyone, and so he savors every second - the feeling of him, the sight of his spouse tucked between his legs with a flushed face... Practicing for their honeymoon.
There's another shudder along with a hiss when he feels the pressure on his torso. Over the seconds and minutes that have ticked by his senses have grown just sharp enough to remind him both of the stimulation occurring now and of the damage that had been done before. It's unpleasant to have it touched, and he presses his back against the bed a little more in an effort to push away from that touch as the other fingers his bandages. ]
r[ stop he's only on vitamin and saline ivs, that's his diet now
Hiyori is pretty, his body shaped by perfect genetics and kept in prim and proper shape through treatments and exercise and a careful routine. It's no different than his mind, kept sharp through endless learning, discussion and practice. But both are marred now, his body covered in bandages that hide sewn together injuries and his mental capacity broken down by drugs. He can't move well, and what movement he can afford is punished by aches and pains, and his mind focused only on the intoxicating pleasure afforded to him.
But his face is as lovely as ever, undamaged as his thin hands which have begun to lose their callouses. Those hazy blue-green eyes watch down on him until his head sinks back into the pillow as the younger ultimate works us way up with his tongue, and by time he's added his his finger into the mix his back is arching. The way that warm breath sends shivers down his spine, the pleasure shock that Komaeda's saliva being blended together brings, the sight and sounds of his cute husband working on him, not quite hidden by his own heavy breathing and low moans... Ah, who would ever want that to stop? ]
Komaeda-kun... ♡
[ He sucks in a gasping breath as the bandages are peeled at to expose torn skin. The feeling of the air alone is enough to make him squirm, fingers gripping and twisting the sheets beside him. It hurts. It stings as fingers brush along that sensitive area, as bandages are removed and cool air assaults it, and hit's difficult to coalesce with the soft touches and careful attention. He writhes beneath those curious fingers. He hates pain, and he hates lacking control, and maybe there is some rational part of his brain warning him that he has to but - ]
Mmn, n-no... Don't stop... Komaeda-kun... ♡
[ His name is soft and breathy. He wants one and not the other, candy and sweets without the bitter and unpleasant tastes, and what's so wrong with that? ]
[ It's a small miracle that no hospital staff members have entered the room yet for all the noise being made, for the rapid beeping of the monitor that assures anyone who hears it that there's some issue with the patient. The injuries he sustained put him in a delicate position, and it would be easy for his condition to spiral downward. With a cocktail of strong drugs that eat away at the mind, pain that blacks out all else, and pleasure that he hasn't felt in months are enough, it's equally astounding that he can still pretend to be capable of forming thoughts at all.
He reaches a hand out to place it on the other's head now, and Komaeda will be able to feel the little twitches of his fingers are the way they start to curl as he strokes his hair. What would he like him to do? The sight of his precum mixed with saliva on his tongue is delightful, but then everything he does is wonderful. That cool hand squeezing out more fluids and his warm tongue licking it off, the kisses and nibbles and warm breath that sends tremors down his spine. That, too, isn't the best thin for an injured patient.
He thinks he'd like Komaeda to keep going. He'd like him to suck him off and gag on his dick and swallow his cum, but he'd never ask that of such a precious person. His efforts to even speak of of a piece of it are cut short by a sharp cry as he feels the sting of something sharp and painful in his abdomen, and a red stain begins to appear on one of the bandages. He must have torn something. It's not at all surprising that he'd wind up tearing a stitch - nothing that couldn't be so easily fixed or do much damage, but more than enough to hurt.
[ His hand jerks in an instinctive attempt to pull his hand back each kiss, gentle and loving as they are, sends a jolt of pain through him. His abdomen sustained too much damage for it to be masked completely on a lower dosage of drugs. He whimpers, eyes squeezing shut. His nerves send him mixed messages, the exquisite feeling of his hand moving up and down drowned out by shots of pain as lips and fingers brush against the sensitive skin that holds in damaged tissue.
He's fortunate. It's a small tear, no worse than a cut, and one that could easily be fixed if not made any worse. He's more fortunate yet that his writing doesn't further agitate it. Hiyori knows pain. He's tolerated it time and time again, and so he can tolerate it well enough, but he hates it. He hates this. He hates the agonizing feeling of bandages being lifted and the agitation that just having open air begin to touch the wound brings.
He reaches out, hand groping around to find the railing on the bed, and he does manage to start to pull himself more to one side, but it succeeds in little more than agitating things further as Komaeda follows him along and continues to pull at it. It comes off easily, pulling at his skin and drawing out the same whimpers that the kisses had. ]
K-Komaeda-kun -
[ He wants to tell him to stop now, but as with before he's unable to even get very far with that weak and pained voice of it, as the whimpers and moans turn into a choked attempt at a scream as he feels the burning sensation of Komaeda exchanging blood for saliva as he laps at the open wound.
[ His grip tightens until his knuckles turn white before he finally releases the railing in favor of lifting his trembling hand to Komaeda's face. He's agitating things further by twitching and moving, and there's a dull ache that follows him stopping, and Hiyori doesn't think it should be this painful. But maybe it's just a fluke, as the drugs in his system continue to protect him from the worst of the pain.
His hand rests on Komaeda's cheek before trailing through his hair, a soft kiss shared between them and loving words that act as a salve for the worst of his fears. Hiyori stares up at him with teary eyes. It's a vacant look, a little quizzical and a little anxious, but it mixes with affection and desire as he fills in the gaps. It's a look befitting for a man who was ever too willing to take advantage of the illnesses of others.
He's stopped moving though, rubbing his thumb on Komaeda's cheek. They should stop, but that though has already come and gone, and at the forefront of his mind now is that they can continue. He had been enjoying it, hadn't he? ]
If I... [ He murmurs, working through the instructions, ] ... A- alright... We can keep going...
[ Though his range of movement is limited enough to pose a problem and he might not get very far, but the effort is at least there. ]
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[ If one could find a house, they might find people. If those people wouldn't give you food, they might at least offer up a glass of water. Humans can survive a surprisingly long time without food, some fasting for weeks at a time, but water is essential to preserving throughout that time.
The needle starts to slide out with that little tug, and as drugged as he is Hiyori barely notices. It takes just one or two more to remove it completely, and his fingers twitch as the sensation hits him, but there's little more than that. The thought of being cut off from the drugs that are numbing him doesn't occur to him at all. His mind remains on the field presented to him for just a moment before moving onto something else. ]
I love you, Komaeda-kun... ♡
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No, no... I'd like to think that I have more sense than that.
[ Manners, amongst other things. Hiyori is many things, and he indulges as he wishes, but mindlessly plucking fruit off a vine in someone's field due to a little inconvenience is beneath him. ]
You don't believe me?
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That easy smile remains on his face. ]
Then I'll have to endure until I reach my destination. Taking simply because you're not afraid of being caught is a child's way of thinking.
[ Hiyori takes. He takes and takes and takes, but it's never out of some sense of secrecy or of it not mattering. He does so because he can, because he's earned the right to do so. But he does take notice of the needle that had been removed now, and he pinches the connector between his fingers.
...? ]
no subject
[ He earns everything he takes for himself. It's love that's freely given, it's relationships and status carefully crafted by his own hands, and it's possessions gifted and bought by him. They're all his. But he would never rip out a toy from a child's hand or pluck strawberries from the vine when he could hold gentle conversations and watch as they convinced themselves to offer that and more up to him.
There's nothing stopping him, just as there's nothing to stop Komaeda as he takes the connector and throws it behind him. It's gone from the bed, hanging loosely down from the IV, and he has no means of reaching it when his body won't move. It's unfortunate that his thoughts fail to warn him of the excruciating pain that awaits him in a few hours time as all the aches and pains of a mutilated torso, a stabbed chest and thighs, and a skinned and cut and dug into arm assault him all once. But at least he thinks to question it. ]
What are you doing, Komaeda-kun?
[ He doesn't sound concerned in the least, although perhaps a bit curious, and his thoughts move back to their field. He'll have to walk away from it. Where is his destination? It can be anywhere, but he'll know it when he sees it. It will be a beloved place that will attend to his needs, and perhaps he'll find an equally beloved person there. ]
no subject
[ Drugs that numb the mind and body alike, that steal away the need for anything at all. There's no need for pain nor pleasure, nor lasting happiness nor sadness, just an idle bliss. It's a close as a person can come to heaven. But it fades quickly, as all things do, and with it gone the effects will taper off bit by bit, and the slight sensation in his extremities begins to return first.
It's just a little bit, just enough that there's not the numbness of a limb that's fallen asleep that he wasn't able to notice before. But he notices it now as he cups Komaeda's cheek, letting it linger for just a moment before he leans in to kiss him. Once, twice, and that's enough to remember how much he loves him. How much he care this cute, broken creature that no one else in the entire world could possibly love. ]
no subject
Gentle kisses that turn into something more, though he barely feels it when his lip is bit down on. He takes in slow breaths as Komaeda starts to trail kisses down his face in a familiar pattern, and he must be able to feel the bite on his neck because it draws a moan from him. His hand had since moved to the back of his head trailing , but it slips away as Komaeda moves down. He blinks slowly as he watches the younger ultimate move down, wondering how far he'll go, wondering what will get in the way... Their conditions, he supposes.
Hiyori's abdomen is a sight to see - hidden behind stitches, staples and bandages meant to keep his fragile and damaged organs held inside. It's more sensitive than the rest of him from having taken the brunt of the damage, and he jerks when Komaeda starts to pain attention to the area and brings with him the first hint of pain since arriving, and a little whimper follows it, but his present state doesn't allow for much movement. His stomach rises and falls with each shallow breath that he takes, and the beeping of the heart monitor is growing a little quicker as his heartbeat picks up. ]
no subject
It's love, and sometimes love is pain, and yet Hiyori goes so far to avoid this pain. He trembles and fingers twitch, but it has the intended effect as that burst of pain from having his staple agitated and his legs spread apart only serves to make the kisses feel all the sweeter. His hot breath, the audible kisses, the cool feeling of open air hitting the saliva left on his thigh all send tremors throughout his body. ]
Ah... K-Komaeda-kun... ♡
[ His name comes out a little gasp. His body is warm, his face flushed, and if only he weren't so heavily drugged and lacking mobility he might take him and flip him around so he could capture those soft lips once more and run his fingers down his skin. He might feel those fingernails claw down his back as he poured every last bit of his affection into him. It's love, it's true love, and if only he could show him how much further wants to go. ]
no subject
He moves his hand up, letting it rest on his head for just a moment. He runs it through his hair, but pulls it back once he starts to whimper and his fingers start to curl. The quick beeps that come from the heartrate monitor pierce his ears, but it seems as though the blood has rushed to his head and he can't hear anything other than his name rolling off of Komaeda's tongue. It's a lovely, intoxicating sound, almost as much as the heat that radiates off of him.
They shouldn't be in this position. Hiyori shouldn't allow this to continue, not in this place and at this time when it could easily end poorly for both of them, but it's too late for that. There's a low moan as Komaeda's tongue now moves along his scrotum, his back arching in response to the combination of that and his tightened grip, and his body trembles in anticipation and delight. ]
no subject
It's unfair to toy with him like this at such a time when he can do absolutely nothing about it. But then, how long has he waited for this? Too long, too long, and even longer since he's been with anyone, and so he savors every second - the feeling of him, the sight of his spouse tucked between his legs with a flushed face... Practicing for their honeymoon.
There's another shudder along with a hiss when he feels the pressure on his torso. Over the seconds and minutes that have ticked by his senses have grown just sharp enough to remind him both of the stimulation occurring now and of the damage that had been done before. It's unpleasant to have it touched, and he presses his back against the bed a little more in an effort to push away from that touch as the other fingers his bandages. ]
Ah... D-don't... Komaeda-kun...
[ That area is sensitive. ]
no subject
Hiyori is pretty, his body shaped by perfect genetics and kept in prim and proper shape through treatments and exercise and a careful routine. It's no different than his mind, kept sharp through endless learning, discussion and practice. But both are marred now, his body covered in bandages that hide sewn together injuries and his mental capacity broken down by drugs. He can't move well, and what movement he can afford is punished by aches and pains, and his mind focused only on the intoxicating pleasure afforded to him.
But his face is as lovely as ever, undamaged as his thin hands which have begun to lose their callouses. Those hazy blue-green eyes watch down on him until his head sinks back into the pillow as the younger ultimate works us way up with his tongue, and by time he's added his his finger into the mix his back is arching. The way that warm breath sends shivers down his spine, the pleasure shock that Komaeda's saliva being blended together brings, the sight and sounds of his cute husband working on him, not quite hidden by his own heavy breathing and low moans... Ah, who would ever want that to stop? ]
Komaeda-kun... ♡
[ He sucks in a gasping breath as the bandages are peeled at to expose torn skin. The feeling of the air alone is enough to make him squirm, fingers gripping and twisting the sheets beside him. It hurts. It stings as fingers brush along that sensitive area, as bandages are removed and cool air assaults it, and hit's difficult to coalesce with the soft touches and careful attention. He writhes beneath those curious fingers. He hates pain, and he hates lacking control, and maybe there is some rational part of his brain warning him that he has to but - ]
Mmn, n-no... Don't stop... Komaeda-kun... ♡
[ His name is soft and breathy. He wants one and not the other, candy and sweets without the bitter and unpleasant tastes, and what's so wrong with that? ]
no subject
He reaches a hand out to place it on the other's head now, and Komaeda will be able to feel the little twitches of his fingers are the way they start to curl as he strokes his hair. What would he like him to do? The sight of his precum mixed with saliva on his tongue is delightful, but then everything he does is wonderful. That cool hand squeezing out more fluids and his warm tongue licking it off, the kisses and nibbles and warm breath that sends tremors down his spine. That, too, isn't the best thin for an injured patient.
He thinks he'd like Komaeda to keep going. He'd like him to suck him off and gag on his dick and swallow his cum, but he'd never ask that of such a precious person. His efforts to even speak of of a piece of it are cut short by a sharp cry as he feels the sting of something sharp and painful in his abdomen, and a red stain begins to appear on one of the bandages. He must have torn something. It's not at all surprising that he'd wind up tearing a stitch - nothing that couldn't be so easily fixed or do much damage, but more than enough to hurt.
Maybe they should stop. ]
no subject
He's fortunate. It's a small tear, no worse than a cut, and one that could easily be fixed if not made any worse. He's more fortunate yet that his writing doesn't further agitate it. Hiyori knows pain. He's tolerated it time and time again, and so he can tolerate it well enough, but he hates it. He hates this. He hates the agonizing feeling of bandages being lifted and the agitation that just having open air begin to touch the wound brings.
He reaches out, hand groping around to find the railing on the bed, and he does manage to start to pull himself more to one side, but it succeeds in little more than agitating things further as Komaeda follows him along and continues to pull at it. It comes off easily, pulling at his skin and drawing out the same whimpers that the kisses had. ]
K-Komaeda-kun -
[ He wants to tell him to stop now, but as with before he's unable to even get very far with that weak and pained voice of it, as the whimpers and moans turn into a choked attempt at a scream as he feels the burning sensation of Komaeda exchanging blood for saliva as he laps at the open wound.
This isn't what he wanted. ]
no subject
His hand rests on Komaeda's cheek before trailing through his hair, a soft kiss shared between them and loving words that act as a salve for the worst of his fears. Hiyori stares up at him with teary eyes. It's a vacant look, a little quizzical and a little anxious, but it mixes with affection and desire as he fills in the gaps. It's a look befitting for a man who was ever too willing to take advantage of the illnesses of others.
He's stopped moving though, rubbing his thumb on Komaeda's cheek. They should stop, but that though has already come and gone, and at the forefront of his mind now is that they can continue. He had been enjoying it, hadn't he? ]
If I... [ He murmurs, working through the instructions, ] ... A- alright... We can keep going...
[ Though his range of movement is limited enough to pose a problem and he might not get very far, but the effort is at least there. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
three days later i realize that i didn't post this the first time i wrote it
STOP THIS IS WHY I'M SICK OF IT
ur right, this is his life now. i think they both desereve this
NOT THEIR PORN ERA it kind of is, we should record them
u mean komaeda's blackmail material
NOT HIS SPERM SWIPING... see the blackmail material is to ensure he'll be a good father
STOP IT'S WHAT HE DESERVES i'm ending this
STOP I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE i'm happy for both of them, the start of their family
HIS FIRST AND LAST NUT 753 TAGS LATER
STOP HE DIDN'T EVEN LET KOMAEDA CUM INSIDE, HE DOESN'T DESERVE IT
I KNOW, SO I'M GOING TO RUIN IT FOR HIM!!
I HATE THAT ABOUT HIM, HE'S SICK IN THE HEAD
CLOSES MY EYES SO I DO NOT SEE IT
I OPENED THEM AND IMMEDIATELY REGRETTED IT
I FEEL LIKE I NEED AN EXORCISM RN
I GOTTA RID MYSELF OF THIS EVIL ONCE AND FOR ALL
NOT UR BOO... OK YEAH HE'S MY HUSBAND I GUESS I'M STUCK WITH HIM
HE REALLY IS IT'S PRETTY CUTE OF HIM NGL
my definition of cute is objectively correct
ok i can't even deny that, insanity is everything that i know and love