[ Komaeda has a nice smile. It never reaches those empty eyes of his, but if it ever were to Hiyori thinks the world would be that much brighter for it. He parts his lips to invite him in eagerly, deepening the kiss, not wanting to stop for even a moment. It shouldn't matter if it takes his breath away. It feels as though he doesn't even need air when he has Komaeda's soft lips on his, the taste of him on his tongue, the ingressive clicking and smacking that reaches his ears as their lips meet and part.
His stomach is on fire, and he can taste iron in his mouth, but he must have been enjoying himself well enough, ast there's a piteous mewl when the movements grind to a sudden halt. It's offset by the feeling of a hand running up and down his shaft. He's on cloud nine, if one pierced by countless spikes, and so he's able to interpret the comment about making babies in his own way. They're not able to have them, and Hiyori himself has a birth control designed to prevent it, and so his mind instead looks elsewhere. ]
Hah... We could... ♡
[ If he were a cute girl? Now? Komaeda may take that as he pleases, as both are true enough in a world that has progressed so. He tries to rock his hips to compensate for the lack of motion, with limited success due to his limited mobility and the sharp pains that trying brings with it. But Komaeda keeps going, and even stroke brings him closer to the edge. He's close, so close, breath quickening further, and - ]
Ah... Komaeda-kun, I'm gonna cum.
(deleted comment)
STOP I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE i'm happy for both of them, the start of their family
[ They could if things were just a little different, and perhaps it should be possible now. Hiyori, who has always thrown himself into his work and nothing else, has been forced to step back from all of those efforts. It's his talent that Komaeda wants to see grow, and it's his stability and intellect that the company that built him values. There's a dim smile, not quite there, but it's loving. He loves him so much, he wants to shape him into a person everyone can see the beauty of.
The soft kisses and nuzzles, feeling of their bodies pressed together as he rocks in and out, soft skin under his fingertips and warm breath on his face, the moans that ring in his ears - all of these things stand out in his mind, but most of all those dull green eyes that stare into his. He's better than any drug, intoxicating and addictive, and he should be willing to take him any day. His hand works its way up to his shoulder, trailing down his arm and bending at the elbow until his fingertips are brushing against thin fingers. It ends too soon, and there's a soft sigh and a reflexive shift of his hips as he pulls out.
He misses the sensation of having the other inside of him immediately, the steady rocking on his hips and their hips connecting, but he doesn't have any time to be disappointed when the promise of using his mouth is followed up on. There's a soft gasp as the warmth of his mouth wraps around the tip of his dick, sucking and teasing before he starts to take all of him in, and Hiyori feels full to burst. He places his hand on Komaeda's head, the pads of his fingers pushing down.tgo
There's a part of him that realizes that he's ending it too soon, that he should be more considerate, but it's buried beneath the pleasant sensation of his mouth - warm and moist. The heartrate monitor sings his praises, as does his voice as he moans Komaeda's name between sharp breaths and grunts. His pelvis rocks involuntarily, and as close as he is, it doesn't take much at all for him to be sent over the edge. There's a loud moan, and Hiyori shudders from the jolts of pleasure as his orgasm hits.
It's immediately followed by violent coughing, and he has to cover his mouth to catch the blood rises up his throat. ]
[ It's not how he'd wanted their first time to go, and once he's of more sound mind he'll reflect on that fact. The sound of his gagging is delightful, but he finished too fast, and he should never want to be so cruel to Komaeda, he has no desire to leave him with bruises and scratches. That's his love, a love for a person who desires to be used and harmed, a love that denies everything thought of as good and right in favor of drawing them in.
He twitches and sucks in a breath as more cum is worked out of him, leaving him overstimulated before it finishes with a tongue brushing against his dick. He certainly didn't want their first time together to end with him having a coughing fit, flecks of blood hitting his palm. It settles enough for him to take the tissue roll, clearing his throat and swallowing what's left down. It's a bit difficult to maneuver with one functioning arm, but he manages to tear off chunks and cleaning himself up as best he can. His breath slowly starts to steady as the lays back.
He turns his head toward the bathroom, watching the shadows beneath the door. Despite all the issues, there's a warm blanket of euphoria that covers his mind. Hiyori yawns as drowsiness begins to hit him in tandum with relaxation. He waits patiently for him to return, placing his hand on the empty space beside him. He supposes that Komaeda needs to brush his teeth after that, or maybe he's finishing himself up... He wants to cuddle when he comes back. ]
(deleted comment)
STOP HE DIDN'T EVEN LET KOMAEDA CUM INSIDE, HE DOESN'T DESERVE IT
[ He's dozing in and out, sleep catching him just long enough for it to give him a start when he jerks back to awareness. His eyes eventually move back to the IV bag, and it seems as though there might be something that he's forgetting. The heartrate monitor has returned to its steady rhythm, each and every beep too loud for his liking. The answer doesn't come though, and his eyes shut once more before fluttering open at the sound of a door creaking and light footsteps. It's lonely without him, and he's found over time that an empty bed doesn't suit him in the afterglow.
His lips curve up in a groggy smile when he sees him... Ah, he should have at least helped him finish. He regrets missing the opportunity, and he wishes he could have given a better experience. He can do nothing but try to make the best of it though, and so he pats the bed next to him and mumbles what is likely a request for him to lay down by him, though perhaps he won't want to with him being covered in dried sweat and saliva. ]
Komaeda-kun...
[ It's still a low mumble, but his name at least comes out a little more clearly. His stomach doesn't feel well, nausea mixing with pain, but he makes an effort to ignore it. They can go to sleep soon, and his drug and pain-addled mind tell him that he'll feel better when he wakes up - just as he would if he had a cold, or some other minor irritation. ]
[ Hiyori wraps his arm around the younger ultimate, nuzzling his face against the top of is head and pulling him just a little bit closer. He finds that Komaeda fits against him nicely, and it's comfortable to hold him like this. They were made for each other, he thinks once more, his eyes drooping. Everything they've done tonight will cause trouble for the staff, and no doubt there will be stern words about conduct and all manner of fussing, but that hardly matters when one of them will no doubt push their way out of the hospital before they truly should be discharged.
Hiyori always kept him until he was certain that he saw no reason to feel concerned, even when that meant his entire day was so often lost to one patient, as his pride as a doctor and love for his patients required of him. There's no such diligence in this place, and he has no sway to keep him now. No, he's no longer even a doctor to him, as one cannot be both a husband and a doctor to someone.
He kisses the top of his head, speaking to him in a sleepy murmur, ]
Sorry... I should have waited until you were finished...
[ He gives his shoulder a gentle squeeze, rubbing his arm. It is perhaps unsurprising, as Sou Hiyori is a man who so carefully attends to and thinks of those in his care - hurting them, helping them, it's all done with a precise care. ]
Mmn, I want to be gentle with Komaeda-kun.. I don't like seeing you in pain...
[ He takes pleasure in biting, marking, hair pulling, and so much more, and shoving his head down further had brought him a shudder of delight. It's the joy of seeing a person willing to give themselves to him so completely. It's seeing how far they'll go, how much they'll give to him, how much of a permanent imprint he can leave on their mind and body. He loves those who can learn to give up everything that they are, from their body to their identity to their life, but there's no need to take it from a person who already gives such things freely.
What he wants from him more than anything is his love, a love that will be given to no other. For that reason alone, he'll give Komaeda all of his love - soft kisses and kind words, gentle touches and a bottomless supply of affection.
But he settles for accepting his words. If it was enjoyable enough to repeat, then that's enough for now. He yawns, and Hiyori finds that he's at last content enough to that he doesn't mind dozing off. ]
[ He repeats those words quietly, keeping his eyes closes as he focuses on the scent of his hair as he breathes in and out, on the sound of his voice and the slow beat of his heart. Every part of him tells of his disease, and his words are no exception. It's a disease that none other than him could cure now, not when it would require removing permanent scars. But Hiyori could do so, he could undo the neurological pathways and remove those unpleasant memories. He could cure each and every disease if only he were allowed.
He rubs his arm gently. ]
You're so kind, so selfless... I love that about you... If you truly want such things, I suppose we could try a little. I could let you tell me exactly what you want...
[ He loves that illness that he could fix with his love, with his care. He yawns, shifting his position a little to settle more comfortably.against him. ]
Mmn, but I don't smoke anymore, remember?
[ He had stopped that at Komaeda's behest, and he finds it to be for the best. The smoke is terrible for the body, and most of all when around a person who already has trouble breathing. The mention of it does make him miss the taste of nicotine on his tongue though, the calming sensation of inhaling and exhaling while leaning over the balcony or socializing. ]
[ Komaeda loves him for being an Ultimate. He loves him for what he once was, a bridge and a person they had such high hopes for. They loved him for his brilliant shine, for his prestige, but the hope that they gave them - a hope that they could steal him away, a hope that he would help them in their quest to ever tighten the relationship between the two companies he represented so that they might be that much closer to becoming one entity - one entity, under the control of those selfish, vapid, worthless cretins in charge of Hope's Peak.
They seek to achieve their goals through artificial means now, by breaking students in cute little experiments, but that can't be allowed to happen when it would break the fragile stability of the world they live in. No, a person should break if too much is given, and those who are so young and idolize such a place will do nothing but swallow down every selfish word given to them. Hiyori loves this world and all humans in it, and so he should never allow for such a thing.
Bitterness, spite, fear, the pleasure of denying them their hopes and dreams once more - those sentiments are there too, but most of all he values the safety and well being of the world he lives in. If not him, if not them, then who will? Who else will ensure that the world continues to turn, that it's molded into his vision of how it should be - into its best self, into something free of all that ails it?
What he wants, what he needs, it's always just the same... ]
If I have Komaeda-kun's true and everlasting love, then I already have all that I could ever need.
[ Always, always the same... To be so loved, so well known, so needed, so flawless and perfect and talented, that nothing can ever touch him. ]
Rather than use you, I would like to build up a life with you. We'll at as a married couple should. We'll speak with each other about everything, we'll be there for one another always, and we'll see such sights and share such experiences... We'll grow together, and we'll build up such a brilliant life that the world will always be painted in brilliant colors... Ah, is that too serious...?
[ He laughs softly, shaking his head a little at his own words. He was only talking of rough sex, and so he supposes he can go back to that. ]
Hmm... Then perhaps I would just like to see what kind of cute face you make when you cum?
[ They do suffer dramatic break ups in the movies. Men are always such insensitive creatures in those, running away from the prospect of a different way of life, abandoning words and compromise in favor of cowardice, and Komaeda is no different. He can't run, but he turns his eyes away from the prospect of a life filled with all those things that humans crave. If only he were allowed to, Hiyori would fill up his cup with love until it overflowed.
He imagines being able to fill it, watching as it spills over onto the floor. But it's for him, it's all for him, and it's this incoherent and messy way of thinking that leads him toward sleep. His breaths soften, a contented smile on his face, before he jerks back to sudden awareness. He groans in response to the jolt of pain that the sudden movement brings. He blinks blearily, closes his eyes and whimpers as cold fingers grasp and finger him.
What would he do...? Now seems like the perfect time to offer to show him, and to follow up on that without awaiting an answer, but he's tired and immobile and he used the last of his conscious thought to lull himself into the sweet dream of a quaint life with his husband.
What would he do... ]
I would trace my hands over every inch of your skin, and shower you in kisses and licks and bites, and...
[ He mumbles something else about finding out how he tastes, but a few of the words are lost thanks to begin spoke through to the loud yawn that cuts him off and the way his body squirms. His dick starts to grow hard once more, despite his exhaustion, and there's a little whimper as he struggles to continue. Though he supposes if he really wanted to see how he can to with Komaeda, he would show him what he wants to see most. It's not enough alone, but there should be no better aphrodisiac, and he would frame it beautifully for him. ]
[ It's gentle, of course, because those moments when Hiyori can be said to lose his composure are far and few between. The start of their conversation here could perhaps be said to be the first time he'd truly done so, but even he isn't free from the sickening feeling and self-loathing that being incapacitated brings - the feeling of being incompetent, of being worthless, of losing all of those things that make him Sou Hiyori. It passes ever quickly, as he never fails to return to sweet words and gestures. His behaviors suggest a man incapable of true cruelty.
He squirms beneath nimble fingers playing him like an instrument, drawing out one sound after another with every touch and motion, every stroke of and squeeze that sends another tremor through him. He's tired, the drugs growing duller by the minute, and still sensitive enough from their previous efforts that he can barely pin down exactly what sensation he's feeling - enjoyment? Agony? Discomfort? Or maybe it's just such ecstasy that he can't process it correctly? It's the sensation of having his body used as a plaything while in such a vulnerable state, stimulation that he's never been subjected to.
It's unforgettable, an experience that will stick in his mind while so much else is eaten away at by the dreamy haze of painkillers and the mind's efforts to block out pain and trauma experiences. It's something he wouldn't be able to do were Hiyori more in control of his faculties, and yet here they are, with the soft kisses he'd promised instead being placed upon him. Soft kisses that are returned where he can, sharp inhale and a moan as he's squeezed, and the rewarding sound of the heartrate monitor quickening its beeps in tandem with his heartbeat.
He shivers when his lip is nipped at. It's likely enough that he'll wind up with bruise later for how much he it's been bitten and nipped at, but for the moment that doesn't concern him, and so he's able to press a soft kiss against Komaeda. He rubs his arm as he slides his hand down it, and he's leaning in for another when that grip on tightens and his mind briefly goes blank. His hold on the younger ultimate arm tightens in return - not quite enough to hurt, but enough for him to feel a reflexive little squeeze. There's a twitch, followed by a flinch as his stomach burns in response, and he bites down on his lip to hold back whatever sound might have otherwise escaped him.
He opens one eye upon recovering, offering a shaky smile, ]
I love everything that Komaeda-kun does...
[ Everything is dear, everything is treasured, but he's not a fan of pain. ]
Edited 2022-04-08 22:14 (UTC)
(deleted comment)
NOT UR BOO... OK YEAH HE'S MY HUSBAND I GUESS I'M STUCK WITH HIM
[ His fingers probably are sticky now, sorry Komaeda. ]
We're both going to be scolded... Don't worry, I'll take care of it.
[ That will happen regardless of whether or not he cums a second time. It will be easy for them to determine what occurred during the night from the smell of sex, the dried sweat and his tousled appearance. It doesn't worry him though. If Komaeda forces them to discharge him then there will be no trouble, and if he stays as Hiyori wishes then they will allow him to stay at his behest. It will become a simple error in judgment brought on by drugs, one which will not occur a second time.
Unfortunately, it doesn't occur to him that it will be that much more inconsiderate of him to leave cum stains on top of everything else. There might have been a little whimper when he stopped, but there's no reason to object. He is pain, he can taste blood in his mouth, and he can offer nothing of true value in return. He rubs his arm a little more, letting his hand slip off the elbow and wrap around his waist. ]
But you're right. It'll be better if we can both enjoy it.
[ Can either of them right now? With injuries and drugs mixing together with more activity than is advisable, both of them must be exhausted, though how unfair it is to tease him so. But it's warm under the covers, and Komaeda fits nicely against him. His breathing and heart both gradually begin to steady. It's difficult to see him in the dark room, but he can feel and hear everything that he needs to. ]
I'm sorry, Komaeda-kun... I've been terrible, haven't I? Saying cruel words when you were only trying to show me kindness... Handling you roughly... I even left you to finish by yourself... Ah, how awful, how awful...
[ He punctuates each statement with a soft kiss, gentle and loving, because he would never be so cruel to someone so important to him. Komaeda would perhaps gladly give his life up for him, but there's nothing special about that, and it's needless. No, it's better for him to stay just like this, to learn what warmth and kindness feel like. ]
After this, I'll make it up to you.. I promise... I'll do whatever Komaeda-kun wants...
[ It was easy to say, and it would be easier still to say him now. Komaeda is a sad kid. If one looks back, it's not difficult to surmise that he was unwanted by his parents, and from there the die had been cast, for a child that wasn't loved by their parents couldn't compensate for that deficiency with any other. It's too often that such children instead wind up with permanent deficiencies, warped ideas of love that leave them slipping in and out of unhealthy situations for the belief that what they're experiencing is love. Pain becomes love, cuts and bruises marks of affection, and loneliness and emptiness a form of strength and proof of endurance. It's only when something breaks away from the necessary pattern that things get uncomfortable, and without validation they feel the need to run.
But he can't run, he hasn't run, because the Ultimate Lucky Student still doesn't believe he can. His job is to nurture and grow, to be a parent without knowing what parenting entails, and so he can justify staying with a man who gives him what he doesn't recognize as a want.
Hiyori considers his words carefully, or as much as he can in his present state, as kisses are rejected and wounds bleed out. It would be easier if he were to hurt him, to wrap his arms around his throat and squeeze or carve words into his skin, because that greater pain would take away from what hides in the corner of his mind. He start to slip away, and the ultimate surgeon allows it, his fingers sliding to the edge of his waist and then resting on his back.
Messy, complicated topics, love condensed into clinical terms, but it's necessary to translate them into terms he can understand. It's no different than working along with his younger patients, who could understand complicated subjects just fine so long as he took the time to put it into words they could understand. "Cyanotic congenital heart disease" means nothing to a child, but they can be walked through the idea of a hole in the heart that is causing things that shouldn't to leak through - no different than if one were to puncture a cup full of water.
Komaeda is like a child in that way. Maybe that's why this hurts when it should be no different than anything else. ]
... It was a cruel thing to say, wasn't it? Perhaps it would be better to say that you were left to define love on your own. Humans aren't born with the ability to love each other. It's something you must be exposed to and taught, no different than speech... But Komaeda-kun has been hurt and left alone so often.
[ He yawns, blinking a few times with a frown. Hiyori had been loved. His parents doted upon him. As a child, high expectations were set upon him, such hopes that he felt the need to ensure that they were realized. He resents that place, wishes it's downfall, but he had secured its future when no one else would.
They're always so ungrateful for what he does for them. ]
... Komaeda-kun can't understand the kind of love that I give, nor accept it, right? [ Which naturally means it will never be reciprocated. ] ... Still, it's cruel of me to reject and belittle the love that Komaeda-kun gives because of those differences... I regret that. You have your own way of loving.
[ It really was disingenuous, he supposes, as one can love concepts and titles without ever being able to give it to a person. There's plenty that meet that criteria. A self-taught love that doesn't fit with the pure kind that humans should teach one another - but Hiyori loves love in all its many forms, and so he can appreciate this as well. ]
It's the opposite. You can't grow unless you regret your mistakes. That's why pain is important. If you grow too numb, then you're no longer able to recognize it. It simply is... Ah, but I'll never regret our time together.
[ The words come out in a tired voice, one that's increasingly faded as he continues on. He watches Komaeda's exposed back now, arm wrapped around his waist now that he's rolled over. There's a hitch of breath as he tries to roll over, not managing much more than a slight twist of his torso. He wishes he could turn over so that he hold him close while resting his chin resting on the top of his head, leaning forward to take in the smell of his hair.
He can't though, and it's late and exhausted. Hiyori yawns, settling as best he can, and despite the throbbing pain he finds himself tired enough that his eyes won't stay open. It really is a shame that they couldn't do more when he'll be trapped here for a much longer period of time. His eyelids lower, and his voice is fading by time he finishes asking his question, ]
Will you come visit me...?
[ The slight movements promise that he's still awake, but he's just waiting for an answer now. He'll no doubt doze off shortly after receiving it. It probably doesn't matter whether or not he does, as he's unlikely to retain much of anything, but it sounds nice to him now. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
STOP IT'S WHAT HE DESERVES i'm ending this
His stomach is on fire, and he can taste iron in his mouth, but he must have been enjoying himself well enough, ast there's a piteous mewl when the movements grind to a sudden halt. It's offset by the feeling of a hand running up and down his shaft. He's on cloud nine, if one pierced by countless spikes, and so he's able to interpret the comment about making babies in his own way. They're not able to have them, and Hiyori himself has a birth control designed to prevent it, and so his mind instead looks elsewhere. ]
Hah... We could... ♡
[ If he were a cute girl? Now? Komaeda may take that as he pleases, as both are true enough in a world that has progressed so. He tries to rock his hips to compensate for the lack of motion, with limited success due to his limited mobility and the sharp pains that trying brings with it. But Komaeda keeps going, and even stroke brings him closer to the edge. He's close, so close, breath quickening further, and - ]
Ah... Komaeda-kun, I'm gonna cum.
STOP I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE i'm happy for both of them, the start of their family
The soft kisses and nuzzles, feeling of their bodies pressed together as he rocks in and out, soft skin under his fingertips and warm breath on his face, the moans that ring in his ears - all of these things stand out in his mind, but most of all those dull green eyes that stare into his. He's better than any drug, intoxicating and addictive, and he should be willing to take him any day. His hand works its way up to his shoulder, trailing down his arm and bending at the elbow until his fingertips are brushing against thin fingers. It ends too soon, and there's a soft sigh and a reflexive shift of his hips as he pulls out.
He misses the sensation of having the other inside of him immediately, the steady rocking on his hips and their hips connecting, but he doesn't have any time to be disappointed when the promise of using his mouth is followed up on. There's a soft gasp as the warmth of his mouth wraps around the tip of his dick, sucking and teasing before he starts to take all of him in, and Hiyori feels full to burst. He places his hand on Komaeda's head, the pads of his fingers pushing down.tgo
There's a part of him that realizes that he's ending it too soon, that he should be more considerate, but it's buried beneath the pleasant sensation of his mouth - warm and moist. The heartrate monitor sings his praises, as does his voice as he moans Komaeda's name between sharp breaths and grunts. His pelvis rocks involuntarily, and as close as he is, it doesn't take much at all for him to be sent over the edge. There's a loud moan, and Hiyori shudders from the jolts of pleasure as his orgasm hits.
It's immediately followed by violent coughing, and he has to cover his mouth to catch the blood rises up his throat. ]
HIS FIRST AND LAST NUT 753 TAGS LATER
He twitches and sucks in a breath as more cum is worked out of him, leaving him overstimulated before it finishes with a tongue brushing against his dick. He certainly didn't want their first time together to end with him having a coughing fit, flecks of blood hitting his palm. It settles enough for him to take the tissue roll, clearing his throat and swallowing what's left down. It's a bit difficult to maneuver with one functioning arm, but he manages to tear off chunks and cleaning himself up as best he can. His breath slowly starts to steady as the lays back.
He turns his head toward the bathroom, watching the shadows beneath the door. Despite all the issues, there's a warm blanket of euphoria that covers his mind. Hiyori yawns as drowsiness begins to hit him in tandum with relaxation. He waits patiently for him to return, placing his hand on the empty space beside him. He supposes that Komaeda needs to brush his teeth after that, or maybe he's finishing himself up... He wants to cuddle when he comes back. ]
STOP HE DIDN'T EVEN LET KOMAEDA CUM INSIDE, HE DOESN'T DESERVE IT
His lips curve up in a groggy smile when he sees him... Ah, he should have at least helped him finish. He regrets missing the opportunity, and he wishes he could have given a better experience. He can do nothing but try to make the best of it though, and so he pats the bed next to him and mumbles what is likely a request for him to lay down by him, though perhaps he won't want to with him being covered in dried sweat and saliva. ]
Komaeda-kun...
[ It's still a low mumble, but his name at least comes out a little more clearly. His stomach doesn't feel well, nausea mixing with pain, but he makes an effort to ignore it. They can go to sleep soon, and his drug and pain-addled mind tell him that he'll feel better when he wakes up - just as he would if he had a cold, or some other minor irritation. ]
I KNOW, SO I'M GOING TO RUIN IT FOR HIM!!
Hiyori always kept him until he was certain that he saw no reason to feel concerned, even when that meant his entire day was so often lost to one patient, as his pride as a doctor and love for his patients required of him. There's no such diligence in this place, and he has no sway to keep him now. No, he's no longer even a doctor to him, as one cannot be both a husband and a doctor to someone.
He kisses the top of his head, speaking to him in a sleepy murmur, ]
Sorry... I should have waited until you were finished...
[ He gives his shoulder a gentle squeeze, rubbing his arm. It is perhaps unsurprising, as Sou Hiyori is a man who so carefully attends to and thinks of those in his care - hurting them, helping them, it's all done with a precise care. ]
I'll make it up to you next time...
I HATE THAT ABOUT HIM, HE'S SICK IN THE HEAD
[ He takes pleasure in biting, marking, hair pulling, and so much more, and shoving his head down further had brought him a shudder of delight. It's the joy of seeing a person willing to give themselves to him so completely. It's seeing how far they'll go, how much they'll give to him, how much of a permanent imprint he can leave on their mind and body. He loves those who can learn to give up everything that they are, from their body to their identity to their life, but there's no need to take it from a person who already gives such things freely.
What he wants from him more than anything is his love, a love that will be given to no other. For that reason alone, he'll give Komaeda all of his love - soft kisses and kind words, gentle touches and a bottomless supply of affection.
But he settles for accepting his words. If it was enjoyable enough to repeat, then that's enough for now. He yawns, and Hiyori finds that he's at last content enough to that he doesn't mind dozing off. ]
I love you, Komaeda-kun.
CLOSES MY EYES SO I DO NOT SEE IT
[ He repeats those words quietly, keeping his eyes closes as he focuses on the scent of his hair as he breathes in and out, on the sound of his voice and the slow beat of his heart. Every part of him tells of his disease, and his words are no exception. It's a disease that none other than him could cure now, not when it would require removing permanent scars. But Hiyori could do so, he could undo the neurological pathways and remove those unpleasant memories. He could cure each and every disease if only he were allowed.
He rubs his arm gently. ]
You're so kind, so selfless... I love that about you... If you truly want such things, I suppose we could try a little. I could let you tell me exactly what you want...
[ He loves that illness that he could fix with his love, with his care. He yawns, shifting his position a little to settle more comfortably.against him. ]
Mmn, but I don't smoke anymore, remember?
[ He had stopped that at Komaeda's behest, and he finds it to be for the best. The smoke is terrible for the body, and most of all when around a person who already has trouble breathing. The mention of it does make him miss the taste of nicotine on his tongue though, the calming sensation of inhaling and exhaling while leaning over the balcony or socializing. ]
I OPENED THEM AND IMMEDIATELY REGRETTED IT
They seek to achieve their goals through artificial means now, by breaking students in cute little experiments, but that can't be allowed to happen when it would break the fragile stability of the world they live in. No, a person should break if too much is given, and those who are so young and idolize such a place will do nothing but swallow down every selfish word given to them. Hiyori loves this world and all humans in it, and so he should never allow for such a thing.
Bitterness, spite, fear, the pleasure of denying them their hopes and dreams once more - those sentiments are there too, but most of all he values the safety and well being of the world he lives in. If not him, if not them, then who will? Who else will ensure that the world continues to turn, that it's molded into his vision of how it should be - into its best self, into something free of all that ails it?
What he wants, what he needs, it's always just the same... ]
If I have Komaeda-kun's true and everlasting love, then I already have all that I could ever need.
[ Always, always the same... To be so loved, so well known, so needed, so flawless and perfect and talented, that nothing can ever touch him. ]
Rather than use you, I would like to build up a life with you. We'll at as a married couple should. We'll speak with each other about everything, we'll be there for one another always, and we'll see such sights and share such experiences... We'll grow together, and we'll build up such a brilliant life that the world will always be painted in brilliant colors... Ah, is that too serious...?
[ He laughs softly, shaking his head a little at his own words. He was only talking of rough sex, and so he supposes he can go back to that. ]
Hmm... Then perhaps I would just like to see what kind of cute face you make when you cum?
I FEEL LIKE I NEED AN EXORCISM RN
He imagines being able to fill it, watching as it spills over onto the floor. But it's for him, it's all for him, and it's this incoherent and messy way of thinking that leads him toward sleep. His breaths soften, a contented smile on his face, before he jerks back to sudden awareness. He groans in response to the jolt of pain that the sudden movement brings. He blinks blearily, closes his eyes and whimpers as cold fingers grasp and finger him.
What would he do...? Now seems like the perfect time to offer to show him, and to follow up on that without awaiting an answer, but he's tired and immobile and he used the last of his conscious thought to lull himself into the sweet dream of a quaint life with his husband.
What would he do... ]
I would trace my hands over every inch of your skin, and shower you in kisses and licks and bites, and...
[ He mumbles something else about finding out how he tastes, but a few of the words are lost thanks to begin spoke through to the loud yawn that cuts him off and the way his body squirms. His dick starts to grow hard once more, despite his exhaustion, and there's a little whimper as he struggles to continue. Though he supposes if he really wanted to see how he can to with Komaeda, he would show him what he wants to see most. It's not enough alone, but there should be no better aphrodisiac, and he would frame it beautifully for him. ]
I GOTTA RID MYSELF OF THIS EVIL ONCE AND FOR ALL
He squirms beneath nimble fingers playing him like an instrument, drawing out one sound after another with every touch and motion, every stroke of and squeeze that sends another tremor through him. He's tired, the drugs growing duller by the minute, and still sensitive enough from their previous efforts that he can barely pin down exactly what sensation he's feeling - enjoyment? Agony? Discomfort? Or maybe it's just such ecstasy that he can't process it correctly? It's the sensation of having his body used as a plaything while in such a vulnerable state, stimulation that he's never been subjected to.
It's unforgettable, an experience that will stick in his mind while so much else is eaten away at by the dreamy haze of painkillers and the mind's efforts to block out pain and trauma experiences. It's something he wouldn't be able to do were Hiyori more in control of his faculties, and yet here they are, with the soft kisses he'd promised instead being placed upon him. Soft kisses that are returned where he can, sharp inhale and a moan as he's squeezed, and the rewarding sound of the heartrate monitor quickening its beeps in tandem with his heartbeat.
He shivers when his lip is nipped at. It's likely enough that he'll wind up with bruise later for how much he it's been bitten and nipped at, but for the moment that doesn't concern him, and so he's able to press a soft kiss against Komaeda. He rubs his arm as he slides his hand down it, and he's leaning in for another when that grip on tightens and his mind briefly goes blank. His hold on the younger ultimate arm tightens in return - not quite enough to hurt, but enough for him to feel a reflexive little squeeze. There's a twitch, followed by a flinch as his stomach burns in response, and he bites down on his lip to hold back whatever sound might have otherwise escaped him.
He opens one eye upon recovering, offering a shaky smile, ]
I love everything that Komaeda-kun does...
[ Everything is dear, everything is treasured, but he's not a fan of pain. ]
NOT UR BOO... OK YEAH HE'S MY HUSBAND I GUESS I'M STUCK WITH HIM
We're both going to be scolded... Don't worry, I'll take care of it.
[ That will happen regardless of whether or not he cums a second time. It will be easy for them to determine what occurred during the night from the smell of sex, the dried sweat and his tousled appearance. It doesn't worry him though. If Komaeda forces them to discharge him then there will be no trouble, and if he stays as Hiyori wishes then they will allow him to stay at his behest. It will become a simple error in judgment brought on by drugs, one which will not occur a second time.
Unfortunately, it doesn't occur to him that it will be that much more inconsiderate of him to leave cum stains on top of everything else. There might have been a little whimper when he stopped, but there's no reason to object. He is pain, he can taste blood in his mouth, and he can offer nothing of true value in return. He rubs his arm a little more, letting his hand slip off the elbow and wrap around his waist. ]
But you're right. It'll be better if we can both enjoy it.
[ Can either of them right now? With injuries and drugs mixing together with more activity than is advisable, both of them must be exhausted, though how unfair it is to tease him so. But it's warm under the covers, and Komaeda fits nicely against him. His breathing and heart both gradually begin to steady. It's difficult to see him in the dark room, but he can feel and hear everything that he needs to. ]
I'm sorry, Komaeda-kun... I've been terrible, haven't I? Saying cruel words when you were only trying to show me kindness... Handling you roughly... I even left you to finish by yourself... Ah, how awful, how awful...
[ He punctuates each statement with a soft kiss, gentle and loving, because he would never be so cruel to someone so important to him. Komaeda would perhaps gladly give his life up for him, but there's nothing special about that, and it's needless. No, it's better for him to stay just like this, to learn what warmth and kindness feel like. ]
After this, I'll make it up to you.. I promise... I'll do whatever Komaeda-kun wants...
[ The drugs still haven't quite worn off. ]
HE REALLY IS IT'S PRETTY CUTE OF HIM NGL
But he can't run, he hasn't run, because the Ultimate Lucky Student still doesn't believe he can. His job is to nurture and grow, to be a parent without knowing what parenting entails, and so he can justify staying with a man who gives him what he doesn't recognize as a want.
Hiyori considers his words carefully, or as much as he can in his present state, as kisses are rejected and wounds bleed out. It would be easier if he were to hurt him, to wrap his arms around his throat and squeeze or carve words into his skin, because that greater pain would take away from what hides in the corner of his mind. He start to slip away, and the ultimate surgeon allows it, his fingers sliding to the edge of his waist and then resting on his back.
Messy, complicated topics, love condensed into clinical terms, but it's necessary to translate them into terms he can understand. It's no different than working along with his younger patients, who could understand complicated subjects just fine so long as he took the time to put it into words they could understand. "Cyanotic congenital heart disease" means nothing to a child, but they can be walked through the idea of a hole in the heart that is causing things that shouldn't to leak through - no different than if one were to puncture a cup full of water.
Komaeda is like a child in that way. Maybe that's why this hurts when it should be no different than anything else. ]
... It was a cruel thing to say, wasn't it? Perhaps it would be better to say that you were left to define love on your own. Humans aren't born with the ability to love each other. It's something you must be exposed to and taught, no different than speech... But Komaeda-kun has been hurt and left alone so often.
[ He yawns, blinking a few times with a frown. Hiyori had been loved. His parents doted upon him. As a child, high expectations were set upon him, such hopes that he felt the need to ensure that they were realized. He resents that place, wishes it's downfall, but he had secured its future when no one else would.
They're always so ungrateful for what he does for them. ]
... Komaeda-kun can't understand the kind of love that I give, nor accept it, right? [ Which naturally means it will never be reciprocated. ] ... Still, it's cruel of me to reject and belittle the love that Komaeda-kun gives because of those differences... I regret that. You have your own way of loving.
[ It really was disingenuous, he supposes, as one can love concepts and titles without ever being able to give it to a person. There's plenty that meet that criteria. A self-taught love that doesn't fit with the pure kind that humans should teach one another - but Hiyori loves love in all its many forms, and so he can appreciate this as well. ]
... I'm sorry, Komaeda-kun.
my definition of cute is objectively correct
[ The words come out in a tired voice, one that's increasingly faded as he continues on. He watches Komaeda's exposed back now, arm wrapped around his waist now that he's rolled over. There's a hitch of breath as he tries to roll over, not managing much more than a slight twist of his torso. He wishes he could turn over so that he hold him close while resting his chin resting on the top of his head, leaning forward to take in the smell of his hair.
He can't though, and it's late and exhausted. Hiyori yawns, settling as best he can, and despite the throbbing pain he finds himself tired enough that his eyes won't stay open. It really is a shame that they couldn't do more when he'll be trapped here for a much longer period of time. His eyelids lower, and his voice is fading by time he finishes asking his question, ]
Will you come visit me...?
[ The slight movements promise that he's still awake, but he's just waiting for an answer now. He'll no doubt doze off shortly after receiving it. It probably doesn't matter whether or not he does, as he's unlikely to retain much of anything, but it sounds nice to him now. ]
ok i can't even deny that, insanity is everything that i know and love