[ Hiyori would lean forward, but the hand on his chest stops him, and he eases back into the couch instead. His heart races in his chest despite his willing it to steady, chin tilting back so he can look up at Komaeda with tired eyes. It's impossible to miss how worn down he is. His eyelids try to droop and he forces them to keep open, and the smile twitches and falters as he tries to keep it painted on. Even his limbs seem to be little more than added weight to him now. There's a mark on his neck where the bite mark remains, red and bruised. It's the look of somebody who reached their natural limits and kept going.
Power? Yes, he does. He hates being looked down on like this, so takes such care to avoid winding up in a situation as unfortunate situation such as this one. Even so, he can't seem to figure out why it had hit him all at once like this - even compared to most days, it seems as though his body were preparing to collapse whether he liked it or not. But he can't think straight enough to organize those thoughts, much less make a plan, and that situation isn't improving.
He bites back each and every word that comes to mind now, though there's a disapproving frown at the accusation, and his fingers curl as the irritation sinks in. Komaeda licks his lips, which part slightly in an instinctive response, tasting the sweetened coffee that couldn't quite be brushed away, and it seems as though his mind might start to melt from the poisonous combination of want and desire and exhaustion. Hiyori wants to pull him down and kiss him. He wants to put his hands all over him, and he can feel the heat on his face now. Even his words are unfair. He swallows thickly. ]
... Ahaha, I'm sorry, Komaeda-kun. I just can't drink my coffee black. It's far too bitter.
[ He adjusts his position so he can look at Komaeda, suddenly a little light headed. It was nothing he couldn't fix. Hiyori really does hate being looked down on like this, and so he starts to try and stand up again - he could figure out the rest from there. ]
(deleted comment)
i mean he is sou hiyori now so that would be fitting
[ It's more blunt than he might normally be, but the words are a perfect match for the rest of him - fatigued, but not keeping any irritation hidden. It's not wrong. The world was a bitter place, without even an ounce of sweetness to it, and that was why he treated the way he did. Hiyori would pour an overabundance sugar and cream into the world to erase that sickly black base, adding color and warping its flavor until its unrecognizable.
He runs his hand through his hair, trying to dismiss those thoughts. He's certain that the night didn't help, but he suspects this is a natural consequence of his actions. Hiyori wonders if he isn't getting sick. It doesn't seem to be a virus, but a natural consequence of pushing so hard for so long. It built up, and eventually one's condition would naturally deteriorate. Perhaps he should take some aspirin to ward off any risk of a fever.
The timing couldn't be worse on this. He shakes his head. ]
Come now, Komaeda-kun, do you really think so little of me? I don't care for the taste of alcohol, and I needed to be able to get myself home...
[ No, he would never let himself be caught in a drunken state, much less driving. He truly is the definition of a social drinker, having only picked it up for business matters and to be able to coax others into consuming far more than he ever did. The more he thinks on it, the more certain he is that he's making himself ill. But he carries on, his steps as light as ever despite the heaviness pressing down on him as he walks toward the kitchen, deciding not to share what's on his mind. ]
Oh, where are my manners? I apologize, Komaeda-kun, I'm not usually such a poor host... Can I get you anything? I have some black tea that I believe would be to your taste.
[ He still needs to get his first aid kit, too. ]
(deleted comment)
they really do but then like shin would finally get to be tall
[ Hiyori understands his patient well enough to be increasingly frustrated by his situation. He was a child who was punished for the sin of having fortune and misfortune in equal measure, and one who was looked down upon by those around him. He was a difficult, sickly child who was nearly impossible to get the care that he needed for how often he acted out. It is for this reason that he could comfortably discharge him, knowing that he'd wind up back in his care shortly thereafter. In the end, somebody needed to take responsibility for him, and Hiyori had so chosen to do so.
He's moving for the cabinets, reminded of a parent being tailed by a rowdy child, when he's stopped by the cool yet pleasant sensation of Komaeda's body pressed against his own. For as frustrating as the words are to hear, there is something soothing about the feeling of being leaned upon. He looks down to find his shirt being toyed with. It's a white button up, and so the fresh blood stains show quite nicely on it. He should give a reassuring look now, but his eyes remain fixed on that sight. ]
You know that's not true. I could never hate you, Komaeda-kun. I love you far too much for that.
[ He looks over his shoulder as he says this, offering a weary but reassuring smile to him that's gone by the time his eyes have moved forward again. He tries to take Komaeda's hand with his own in order to get a better look at the damage being done to his stitches. ]
It truly isn't your fault... Hm, perhaps I'm coming down with a bit of a cold?
[ No time for that, though. He would need to fix the stitches again. First aid kit. He'd retrieve it along with the aspirin, and he could work on it while the tea was steeping, or perhaps he should do this first? He still has a few other things he needs to get done, too, and he is on call... ]
Now then, why don't you let me fix you up, Komaeda-kun?
(deleted comment)
that's right, he'll be able to reach the top shelf and everything
[ He himself leaning back a little as Komaeda draws him nearer. His hair is still damp, and Hiyori can feel his shirt growing damp in spots.He doesn't mind, though. It's a pleasant sensation, being this close, and how nice it would be to stay this way. How nice it would be to be even closer to him, to feel his skin and run his hands through his hair, to be able to love every inch of him properly. But he also thinks of how much more comfortable his his bed would be, how much nicer the sofa that he slept on more than his actual bed, would be if he had this person with him.
He closes his eyes briefly as he imagines all of those things. Doctors fell in love with their patients. He'd seen it himself, and he knows of the one mentioned now. Perhaps he is, though he would never do anything as crude as defiling a corpse or fancying himself seeing spirits; he wouldn't mind creating an AI in Komaeda's image, a perfect replication of him, one that could stay with him even if the original was lost. But it's not insanity, and it's not what he wishes for now.
He opens his eyes now to allow himself to return to the present, a small shiver running down his spine as he takes in the combination of Komaeda's warm breath against his back and his index finger tracing along his skin that promises more. He can never get enough of him - not of his touch, not of that soft and beautiful voice of his, not of the sight of his empty eyes and messy hair and ghostly white skin. ]
I know, Komaeda-kun. It's important for a person to take care of both their mind and body.
[ Ultimate or otherwise. He searches for the right words, a way to offer some reassurance, but his mind feels like it's melting and his legs are starting to feel wobbly now that he's stopped moving. ]
You don't need to worry about me, Komaeda-kun... I'll be aright.
(deleted comment)
can we not find ways to victimize him while he's tall??
[ There's a soft chuckle at the question. Hiyori doesn't believe in souls any more than he does any other supernatural concept, but he believes that taking care of other aspects of oneself should satisfy that need. But he can't even begin to think on that properly, much less respond, not when he's quivering beneath Komaeda's touch. It really has been too long since he had anyone over like this - not since shortly after he started caring for Nagito Komaeda, not since he fell in love with him. Not since he decided that he wanted this one.
He's so close. He's aware of how desperate he is, how pathetic he is, but that doesn't do much to keep the blood from rushing to his head and his breath growing shallow. The way that he tugs at his waistband, that voice that keeps promising more. ]
Ha... Haha... Am I really that poor of a host? I couldn't possibly make a guest care for themselves.
[ That would be the height of shameful, and were it anyone else, he might be offended by the suggestion. There's some part of him that's still dimly aware that he needs to be cautious, that something about this is off, but it's quickly being drowned out. God, there's so many things that he'd rather Komaeda use his hands for... But it would be unsavory at best to say such a thing now. ]
Please, at least allow me to treat you properly, Komaeda-kun. Anything you want... You can just tell me...
[ Then, almost as an afterthought: ]
Oh, but I do enjoy Cardamom.
(deleted comment)
that's true....... it's fine it's fine we'll make it happen
[ He's right, of course, and it truly is shameful that it had taken him so long to return. It stings to hear, as somebody who had been been strictly taught how to act as a proper host and took the matter quite seriously. Hiyori had failed as a host, and he was now failing to maintain any sense of composure. It's not getting significantly harder any longer, but there's no relief from it either.
A shudder runs its way down his spine as he feels Komaeda's breath in his ear once more, and the action pulls a gasp out of him. His breaths come out quick and shallow now, heart racing in his chest, and he does start to squirm a little as his earlobe is nipped at. That had always been a sensitive area for him, and he's quickly realizing just how skilled Komaeda is at finding just the right spots and hitting just the right notes. ]
K-Komaeda-kun...
[ Hiyori murmurs his name, whimpering as his waistband is played with. His knees feel as though they might start buckling at any moment, and he chooses to blame that on the ever mounting exhaustion that he feels. It's barely anything at all, and it's already too much, and he doesn't want this to stop here. That warning he had felt is melting away with all other coherent thought, and it takes him a moment to respond. ]
Mmph... [ Had he said want? He had meant need, but there was no taking it back now, and he can't very well refuse. ] If you insist, then... Then I suppose I'll leave it to you... Please excuse me, Komaeda-kun...
[ For being such a poor, shameless host. He struggles with the answer, practically making himself sick in saying it for what a heavy blow to his pride it is. ]
(deleted comment)
HE'S SO DISGUSTING, I HATE HIM please kill him quickly
[ Komaeda pulls away, and there's a sudden void that wasn't there before, causing another shiver to run down his spine. It seems as though he were made to fill that space, and Hiyori longs to reach other and pull him close again so that they might continue. But he can't and he doesn't, instead focusing his efforts on taking several deep breaths to steady himself, to try and calm his trembling hands as he turns to the other. He looks back, slightly dewy-eyed, unable to fully mask the disappointment, shaking his head to clear his mind.
When was the last time anyone was able to pull such a reaction out of him? Hiyori can't remember. Perhaps during his teenage years, but even then he can't quite remember.
He manages to calm himself a little, though his head is swimming and he struggles to fish out the right words and reactions for this situation. He swallow as he watches Komaeda lick his lip, inviting him to taste it himself, but that would only lead to him pushing for more... But then, would that really be so bad when he only need to reach out and take it? It would be, of course, because it would be a short term gain at the cost of ending a long term goal.
He reaches out his hand instead, having forced it to steady, and pats Komaeda's head. He strokes his hair for a few seconds, but nothing more. ]
Thank you, Komaeda-kun. [ For his kindness. ] I'm... [ Another small, calming breath. ] Ah, I'm already asking too much of you, so please don't worry about me. I do have an extra room, so you're free to spend the night if you'd like. Help yourself to anything here.
[ He uses the last of his common sense to draw that boundary, knowing that to do anything else would draw issues. It would be enabling the bad behaviors being practiced, and he's grateful that this thought was so deeply ingrained into him. ]
I'll get out of your way now.
[ He forces that gentle smile, apologetic and a little humiliated to have to ask such a thing. But he takes his hand back and turns, padding his way out of the kitchen, thinking that he should have taken a bucket of ice to dump his head in along with him. ]
(deleted comment)
OKAY BUT IT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE DESERVES I'M JUST SAYING
[ He manages to recover enough of himself to offer those steadfast parting words, ones that leave no room for question. Hiyori would ask for nothing, but would rather wait for it to be given freely. He would take things that others didn't want to give because those were special and precious, like taking precious jewels, but there was no pleasure to be found in endlessly taking and asking of a person who so desired to be used. This was, by comparison, far preferable.
So it is that he offers those parting words as he walks away. It was a choice for him to make - he could stay in the guest room or in the master bedroom. He could sleep on the sofa, or he could simply leave without a word. But it would be by ruling, and not that of an ultimate. If Komaeda would think of it as his duty to care for Ultimates, then Hiyori would think of it as his duty to care for him as much as he did anyone else. All of his efforts to build up and break and then piece back together, all of his need for control and to bend things to his will, those things so often clashed with his desire to see others to think and act by their own will, to uncover the truth and affirm their own resolve.
That's why he can act as a bystander, only nudging the ball in the right direction as he so chooses. He's one who can watch the world as it finds its own path, and even through the fog in his mind and the burning sensation he remembers that goal clearly. It's one that he's carried with him his entire life, after all. Perhaps it was because he could always maintain and regain control that he could desire to see others build themselves up as much as he desired to break them down, or perhaps it was just that those who were broken by him deserved to be such for their inability to sense danger and escape it. That seemed more right, as they served a far greater purpose by his hand than they would have wandering aimlessly through life.
He thinks on it a little more clearly as he enters the master bedroom and makes his way into the bathroom, splashing his face with cold water several times before drying it off. It does little to ease his desire, and by now he's accepted that nothing will awaken him properly, but it does remind him of that singular goal of his. The world would bend and break as he so chose, and it often did, and yet he so often preferred to watch it come to its own starting and stopping points.
He dries his face off and tries to remember what was needed. His head is cloudy, and there's a faint ache from trying so hard to work through his exhaustion. But he manages to remember, retrieving the first aid kit along with a bottle of aspirin. After some thought, he replaces the small first aid kit and instead retrieves a weightier medical kit from beneath the sink. It was one that he had carefully put together himself. No, he just can't enjoy it properly at all when a person simply wishes to give up all that they are and be used without one putting forth any effort...
He sets both down on the nightstand upon walking back in and though he only means to sit down, he quickly finds himself laying on his side, staring at the wall just briefly before his eyelids droop and he finds himself starting to doze. He's always been a terribly light sleeper, awakening at the slightest sound, so perhaps it's fine. ]
Edited 2021-11-26 23:56 (UTC)
(deleted comment)
he's just begging for attention here, hiyori's neglecting him so he has to
[ This is why he avoids coming in his room even when he comes home. It's easy to forget all those things that he needs to do when he does, and even if he only comes in to get something or another, he winds up thinking that a few minutes won't hurt. A few minutes turns into hours, and the bright light of the sun is creeping in by time he wakes up. But his eyes flutter open now as he heads a knock on the door. Hiyori sits up, rubbing his eyes before he looks toward the door with a tired smile. ]
Ah, Komaeda-kun... Sorry, I normally treat my company much better than this...
[ He swings his legs over the edge of the bed, giving a little yawn. He should have kept himself moving, but as always, it had been too tempting. he takes his phone out of his pocket just long enough to double check the time. It hasn't been all that long since he came in here. That was good, and the amount he had gotten should be enough to keep him going until he'd taken everything he needs to.
Really, though, he would have to figure something out for the next time he had company over. If nothing more, there was no reason for a host to be falling asleep on their guests as though they were too boring to stay with, or otherwise that the host was too irresponsible and thoughtless to even bother with ensuring that they were in the right state of mind to have them over.
Hiyori lets out a little sigh, a touch dejected as he thinks on that. Truly, he had wanted to leave a better first impression than this. ]
I didn't sleep well last night, and I suppose it's catching up with me.
[ It's not a lie, but it's not an excuse either. ]
(deleted comment)
THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S NEVER HOME SO HE DOESN'T DO MUCH GROCERY SHOPPING
It's alright. I want to be awake for you. Besides, I'm on call tonight.
[ The loud tones of his phone would always wake him up in the event that he was called upon, but this seems a more acceptable reason than the myriad of tasks that he has left. It's so rare for him to have company, and even rarer now that he's stopped inviting others over. He no longer has interest in dating or bringing home strangers when none of them could compare. There was only one person that he wanted to visit him now, and it was the one sitting next to him.
His face warms as he feels a hand on his face, smile shifting into something softer and more genuine, and he leans into that touch. Despite rubbing his eyes, there's still moisture clinging to his cheeks. He lifts the cup now, savoring the warmth and the pleasant scent that wafts off of it as he holds it with both hands. It truly would have been wasteful to miss out on this tea. It was something that Komaeda had decided to make for him on his own, and that was reason enough for him to stay awake for it. It was a small thing, but every decision that one made was significant. ]
Are you sure? Would you like it if I laid my head in your lap...? I love you, Komaeda-kun, so there's no point if you won't.
[ He's marginally more awake for having allowed his mind a short reprise from its work now, enough to articulate those feelings once more. Hiyori wants to, of course, but a part of love was understanding that such moments needed to be enjoyed by both parties. He doesn't want a doll that he can play with and dress up as he pleases, he wants a person who speaks of his wants and desires.
He takes a couple small sips of the tea now, enjoying the pleasant taste it offers. ]
... Thank you, Komaeda-kun.
(deleted comment)
PLEASSEEEE can't they just get chinese take out delivered
[ Hiyori listens as Komaeda voices his concerns, keeping his eyes on him. He takes another sip of tea as he considers the best way to answer the question. The answer should be obvious, and yet, no matter how many times he explains it he's certain that he'll be denied. Komaeda's love was too pure and too honest, and it was far too selfless. It was an obsession that had long since consumed him. ]
Well...
[ He closes his eyes briefly, bringing the cup to his lips once more. He takes one hand away from the cup, which he rests in his lap, before reaching over to place it over Komaeda's, fingers curling so he can gently grip it. It truly was a difficult thing to explain. Then, perhaps it might be better to press the issue a little further. He lets his eyes open again, tilting his head side. ]
Your lap is more than soft enough for me, Komaeda-kun... But, I don't understand. Why is it painful? Do you not want to enjoy your time with me?
[ He scoots a little close. He's listening closely and looking more carefully in an effort to signify that he's trying to understand the issue at hand. He knows the answer, but he asks the question regardless. If nothing more, it's important to believe that his feelings are being heard. ]
Tell me, please.
(deleted comment)
BUT CHINESE FOOD IS SALTY AS HELL SO IT'S PERFECT okay fine he can do it
[ Hiyori must be able to pick up on discomfort, as he removes his hand before he edges away from Komaeda to put a bit more distance between them. It's not an uncommon behavior for the doctor, who believed that responding to a person's needs without them having to voice them was an essential part of their toolkit. It was as important as learning to hide when one was tired, when one was frustrated, all of those emotions that could prove to be a burden to the person one was caring for. ]
I don't want to ask anything of you. I want you to be able to decide what you want for yourself... If I seem different than them, it's because I am. I can't view the world in the same terms.
[ He considers asking if the Ultimate Nurse truly cared for others, or if they merely wanted to be depended on. Did they nurture them so that they might return the world better than before, or did they just slap on bandages and force them to endure treatments? If it was the latter, then such a person was worse than trash and should be disposed of as such. Even the so-called worthless majority had professionals that could understand their purpose in the field.
Even so, that might be a little too complicated, and so he refrains. It was best to focus on himself now. ]
Do you know why I decided to enter this field? It's because I what to see people live... I want to see how far they could go, if only they can be cured of their afflictions... People are like stars, you know. Each one has their own shine. My job isn't just to heal my patients, it's to help them shine brighter than before. If I can't, then I've failed them.
[ It's an explanation he's given before. Humans were like those stars that lit up the night sky. Komaeda, he thinks, probably saw Ultimates as the brightest ones of all, but Hiyori can't think of the world in such a shallow manner. There were bright and dim shines, and there were ones that dulled and ones that grew into something truly radiant. He shifts his position, sitting more to one side so he can reach out to reach out with just his index finger, letting it rest over Komaeda's heart just briefly. ]
You have a beautiful shine, Komaeda-kun. How could I possibly hate that?
[ How could he not want to see how brilliant that shine could be if only somebody were to nurture it? ]
(deleted comment)
IT'S SO CURSED but he doesn't he just gets smth sweet n salty like orange chicken
[ Komaeda's reaction isn't surprising, and he watches on with his usual patient look. It's more tired now, the exhaustion already creeping back in, but it's easier to bite down his irritation in moments like this. It's not that all Ultimates are bad, but they tend to have an arrogance about them. They lead and shape the world, but the world needed to be able to shape itself. People needed to think for themselves, act for themselves, to truly live instead of wandering through life aimlessly. ]
If you say I'm like a god, then it's my duty to look over those who are beneath me.
[ There were all kinds of gods, of course. There were those who would only offer their blessing in return for sacrifices and offerings. There were lazy and hedonistic gods who contributed little more than fairy tales to the world. Yet, there were also kind and loving gods who acted as patrons to humanity. If Hiyori were a god, he would think of himself as such. A kind diety who looked on and over those beneath him, who have his blessing so that they might flourish. That ability to give freely was what made them gods, after all and he was no different. He could kill and revive patients as he pleased. He could build and break humans at his b whims. He could love freely. ]
Komaeda-kun... I love people you know. I love watching them grow and flourish. Your can't understand, but... Human's can't shine unless they're nurtured. That's why we exist.
[ God helps those who helps themselves, and yet a person only need find the motivation to try for a god to recognize their efforts. There were even stories in which one would simply take pity on a person in despair, gods who fell in love with humans, and all other manner of things... Yes, if he were as a god, then he should fit that narrative quite well, for he loved humanity and saw it's boundless potential; yet, he could not cast away the part of himself that was still so tethered to it.
He sighs, they longstanding sigh, working a little more at his tea. It's not as sweet as he might make it, but it fills him with warmth and brings a smile to his face all the same, because it was made by the one that he loves most. ]
... I have some aspirin if you'd like, for your headache. And for your concerns of me... Hmm, how about this? If you can give me an adequate answer to this question, then I'll accept that you're correct on this point...
[ He reaches over and takes the bottle off the nightstand, offering it to Komaeda. ]
... Who has helped you to shine brightly, Komaeda-kun? Who put forth that effort, who has loved you as I have, which you so discarded to be reduced to a mere stepping stone? Tell me, and I'll admit to being wrong.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
that's true that part of him is not needed
Power? Yes, he does. He hates being looked down on like this, so takes such care to avoid winding up in a situation as unfortunate situation such as this one. Even so, he can't seem to figure out why it had hit him all at once like this - even compared to most days, it seems as though his body were preparing to collapse whether he liked it or not. But he can't think straight enough to organize those thoughts, much less make a plan, and that situation isn't improving.
He bites back each and every word that comes to mind now, though there's a disapproving frown at the accusation, and his fingers curl as the irritation sinks in. Komaeda licks his lips, which part slightly in an instinctive response, tasting the sweetened coffee that couldn't quite be brushed away, and it seems as though his mind might start to melt from the poisonous combination of want and desire and exhaustion. Hiyori wants to pull him down and kiss him. He wants to put his hands all over him, and he can feel the heat on his face now. Even his words are unfair. He swallows thickly. ]
... Ahaha, I'm sorry, Komaeda-kun. I just can't drink my coffee black. It's far too bitter.
[ He adjusts his position so he can look at Komaeda, suddenly a little light headed. It was nothing he couldn't fix. Hiyori really does hate being looked down on like this, and so he starts to try and stand up again - he could figure out the rest from there. ]
i mean he is sou hiyori now so that would be fitting
[ It's more blunt than he might normally be, but the words are a perfect match for the rest of him - fatigued, but not keeping any irritation hidden. It's not wrong. The world was a bitter place, without even an ounce of sweetness to it, and that was why he treated the way he did. Hiyori would pour an overabundance sugar and cream into the world to erase that sickly black base, adding color and warping its flavor until its unrecognizable.
He runs his hand through his hair, trying to dismiss those thoughts. He's certain that the night didn't help, but he suspects this is a natural consequence of his actions. Hiyori wonders if he isn't getting sick. It doesn't seem to be a virus, but a natural consequence of pushing so hard for so long. It built up, and eventually one's condition would naturally deteriorate. Perhaps he should take some aspirin to ward off any risk of a fever.
The timing couldn't be worse on this. He shakes his head. ]
Come now, Komaeda-kun, do you really think so little of me? I don't care for the taste of alcohol, and I needed to be able to get myself home...
[ No, he would never let himself be caught in a drunken state, much less driving. He truly is the definition of a social drinker, having only picked it up for business matters and to be able to coax others into consuming far more than he ever did. The more he thinks on it, the more certain he is that he's making himself ill. But he carries on, his steps as light as ever despite the heaviness pressing down on him as he walks toward the kitchen, deciding not to share what's on his mind. ]
Oh, where are my manners? I apologize, Komaeda-kun, I'm not usually such a poor host... Can I get you anything? I have some black tea that I believe would be to your taste.
[ He still needs to get his first aid kit, too. ]
they really do but then like shin would finally get to be tall
He's moving for the cabinets, reminded of a parent being tailed by a rowdy child, when he's stopped by the cool yet pleasant sensation of Komaeda's body pressed against his own. For as frustrating as the words are to hear, there is something soothing about the feeling of being leaned upon. He looks down to find his shirt being toyed with. It's a white button up, and so the fresh blood stains show quite nicely on it. He should give a reassuring look now, but his eyes remain fixed on that sight. ]
You know that's not true. I could never hate you, Komaeda-kun. I love you far too much for that.
[ He looks over his shoulder as he says this, offering a weary but reassuring smile to him that's gone by the time his eyes have moved forward again. He tries to take Komaeda's hand with his own in order to get a better look at the damage being done to his stitches. ]
It truly isn't your fault... Hm, perhaps I'm coming down with a bit of a cold?
[ No time for that, though. He would need to fix the stitches again. First aid kit. He'd retrieve it along with the aspirin, and he could work on it while the tea was steeping, or perhaps he should do this first? He still has a few other things he needs to get done, too, and he is on call... ]
Now then, why don't you let me fix you up, Komaeda-kun?
that's right, he'll be able to reach the top shelf and everything
He closes his eyes briefly as he imagines all of those things. Doctors fell in love with their patients. He'd seen it himself, and he knows of the one mentioned now. Perhaps he is, though he would never do anything as crude as defiling a corpse or fancying himself seeing spirits; he wouldn't mind creating an AI in Komaeda's image, a perfect replication of him, one that could stay with him even if the original was lost. But it's not insanity, and it's not what he wishes for now.
He opens his eyes now to allow himself to return to the present, a small shiver running down his spine as he takes in the combination of Komaeda's warm breath against his back and his index finger tracing along his skin that promises more. He can never get enough of him - not of his touch, not of that soft and beautiful voice of his, not of the sight of his empty eyes and messy hair and ghostly white skin. ]
I know, Komaeda-kun. It's important for a person to take care of both their mind and body.
[ Ultimate or otherwise. He searches for the right words, a way to offer some reassurance, but his mind feels like it's melting and his legs are starting to feel wobbly now that he's stopped moving. ]
You don't need to worry about me, Komaeda-kun... I'll be aright.
can we not find ways to victimize him while he's tall??
[ There's a soft chuckle at the question. Hiyori doesn't believe in souls any more than he does any other supernatural concept, but he believes that taking care of other aspects of oneself should satisfy that need. But he can't even begin to think on that properly, much less respond, not when he's quivering beneath Komaeda's touch. It really has been too long since he had anyone over like this - not since shortly after he started caring for Nagito Komaeda, not since he fell in love with him. Not since he decided that he wanted this one.
He's so close. He's aware of how desperate he is, how pathetic he is, but that doesn't do much to keep the blood from rushing to his head and his breath growing shallow. The way that he tugs at his waistband, that voice that keeps promising more. ]
Ha... Haha... Am I really that poor of a host? I couldn't possibly make a guest care for themselves.
[ That would be the height of shameful, and were it anyone else, he might be offended by the suggestion. There's some part of him that's still dimly aware that he needs to be cautious, that something about this is off, but it's quickly being drowned out. God, there's so many things that he'd rather Komaeda use his hands for... But it would be unsavory at best to say such a thing now. ]
Please, at least allow me to treat you properly, Komaeda-kun. Anything you want... You can just tell me...
[ Then, almost as an afterthought: ]
Oh, but I do enjoy Cardamom.
that's true....... it's fine it's fine we'll make it happen
A shudder runs its way down his spine as he feels Komaeda's breath in his ear once more, and the action pulls a gasp out of him. His breaths come out quick and shallow now, heart racing in his chest, and he does start to squirm a little as his earlobe is nipped at. That had always been a sensitive area for him, and he's quickly realizing just how skilled Komaeda is at finding just the right spots and hitting just the right notes. ]
K-Komaeda-kun...
[ Hiyori murmurs his name, whimpering as his waistband is played with. His knees feel as though they might start buckling at any moment, and he chooses to blame that on the ever mounting exhaustion that he feels. It's barely anything at all, and it's already too much, and he doesn't want this to stop here. That warning he had felt is melting away with all other coherent thought, and it takes him a moment to respond. ]
Mmph... [ Had he said want? He had meant need, but there was no taking it back now, and he can't very well refuse. ] If you insist, then... Then I suppose I'll leave it to you... Please excuse me, Komaeda-kun...
[ For being such a poor, shameless host. He struggles with the answer, practically making himself sick in saying it for what a heavy blow to his pride it is. ]
HE'S SO DISGUSTING, I HATE HIM please kill him quickly
When was the last time anyone was able to pull such a reaction out of him? Hiyori can't remember. Perhaps during his teenage years, but even then he can't quite remember.
He manages to calm himself a little, though his head is swimming and he struggles to fish out the right words and reactions for this situation. He swallow as he watches Komaeda lick his lip, inviting him to taste it himself, but that would only lead to him pushing for more... But then, would that really be so bad when he only need to reach out and take it? It would be, of course, because it would be a short term gain at the cost of ending a long term goal.
He reaches out his hand instead, having forced it to steady, and pats Komaeda's head. He strokes his hair for a few seconds, but nothing more. ]
Thank you, Komaeda-kun. [ For his kindness. ] I'm... [ Another small, calming breath. ] Ah, I'm already asking too much of you, so please don't worry about me. I do have an extra room, so you're free to spend the night if you'd like. Help yourself to anything here.
[ He uses the last of his common sense to draw that boundary, knowing that to do anything else would draw issues. It would be enabling the bad behaviors being practiced, and he's grateful that this thought was so deeply ingrained into him. ]
I'll get out of your way now.
[ He forces that gentle smile, apologetic and a little humiliated to have to ask such a thing. But he takes his hand back and turns, padding his way out of the kitchen, thinking that he should have taken a bucket of ice to dump his head in along with him. ]
OKAY BUT IT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE DESERVES I'M JUST SAYING
[ He manages to recover enough of himself to offer those steadfast parting words, ones that leave no room for question. Hiyori would ask for nothing, but would rather wait for it to be given freely. He would take things that others didn't want to give because those were special and precious, like taking precious jewels, but there was no pleasure to be found in endlessly taking and asking of a person who so desired to be used. This was, by comparison, far preferable.
So it is that he offers those parting words as he walks away. It was a choice for him to make - he could stay in the guest room or in the master bedroom. He could sleep on the sofa, or he could simply leave without a word. But it would be by ruling, and not that of an ultimate. If Komaeda would think of it as his duty to care for Ultimates, then Hiyori would think of it as his duty to care for him as much as he did anyone else. All of his efforts to build up and break and then piece back together, all of his need for control and to bend things to his will, those things so often clashed with his desire to see others to think and act by their own will, to uncover the truth and affirm their own resolve.
That's why he can act as a bystander, only nudging the ball in the right direction as he so chooses. He's one who can watch the world as it finds its own path, and even through the fog in his mind and the burning sensation he remembers that goal clearly. It's one that he's carried with him his entire life, after all. Perhaps it was because he could always maintain and regain control that he could desire to see others build themselves up as much as he desired to break them down, or perhaps it was just that those who were broken by him deserved to be such for their inability to sense danger and escape it. That seemed more right, as they served a far greater purpose by his hand than they would have wandering aimlessly through life.
He thinks on it a little more clearly as he enters the master bedroom and makes his way into the bathroom, splashing his face with cold water several times before drying it off. It does little to ease his desire, and by now he's accepted that nothing will awaken him properly, but it does remind him of that singular goal of his. The world would bend and break as he so chose, and it often did, and yet he so often preferred to watch it come to its own starting and stopping points.
He dries his face off and tries to remember what was needed. His head is cloudy, and there's a faint ache from trying so hard to work through his exhaustion. But he manages to remember, retrieving the first aid kit along with a bottle of aspirin. After some thought, he replaces the small first aid kit and instead retrieves a weightier medical kit from beneath the sink. It was one that he had carefully put together himself. No, he just can't enjoy it properly at all when a person simply wishes to give up all that they are and be used without one putting forth any effort...
He sets both down on the nightstand upon walking back in and though he only means to sit down, he quickly finds himself laying on his side, staring at the wall just briefly before his eyelids droop and he finds himself starting to doze. He's always been a terribly light sleeper, awakening at the slightest sound, so perhaps it's fine. ]
he's just begging for attention here, hiyori's neglecting him so he has to
Ah, Komaeda-kun... Sorry, I normally treat my company much better than this...
[ He swings his legs over the edge of the bed, giving a little yawn. He should have kept himself moving, but as always, it had been too tempting. he takes his phone out of his pocket just long enough to double check the time. It hasn't been all that long since he came in here. That was good, and the amount he had gotten should be enough to keep him going until he'd taken everything he needs to.
Really, though, he would have to figure something out for the next time he had company over. If nothing more, there was no reason for a host to be falling asleep on their guests as though they were too boring to stay with, or otherwise that the host was too irresponsible and thoughtless to even bother with ensuring that they were in the right state of mind to have them over.
Hiyori lets out a little sigh, a touch dejected as he thinks on that. Truly, he had wanted to leave a better first impression than this. ]
I didn't sleep well last night, and I suppose it's catching up with me.
[ It's not a lie, but it's not an excuse either. ]
THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S NEVER HOME SO HE DOESN'T DO MUCH GROCERY SHOPPING
[ The loud tones of his phone would always wake him up in the event that he was called upon, but this seems a more acceptable reason than the myriad of tasks that he has left. It's so rare for him to have company, and even rarer now that he's stopped inviting others over. He no longer has interest in dating or bringing home strangers when none of them could compare. There was only one person that he wanted to visit him now, and it was the one sitting next to him.
His face warms as he feels a hand on his face, smile shifting into something softer and more genuine, and he leans into that touch. Despite rubbing his eyes, there's still moisture clinging to his cheeks. He lifts the cup now, savoring the warmth and the pleasant scent that wafts off of it as he holds it with both hands. It truly would have been wasteful to miss out on this tea. It was something that Komaeda had decided to make for him on his own, and that was reason enough for him to stay awake for it. It was a small thing, but every decision that one made was significant. ]
Are you sure? Would you like it if I laid my head in your lap...? I love you, Komaeda-kun, so there's no point if you won't.
[ He's marginally more awake for having allowed his mind a short reprise from its work now, enough to articulate those feelings once more. Hiyori wants to, of course, but a part of love was understanding that such moments needed to be enjoyed by both parties. He doesn't want a doll that he can play with and dress up as he pleases, he wants a person who speaks of his wants and desires.
He takes a couple small sips of the tea now, enjoying the pleasant taste it offers. ]
... Thank you, Komaeda-kun.
PLEASSEEEE can't they just get chinese take out delivered
Well...
[ He closes his eyes briefly, bringing the cup to his lips once more. He takes one hand away from the cup, which he rests in his lap, before reaching over to place it over Komaeda's, fingers curling so he can gently grip it. It truly was a difficult thing to explain. Then, perhaps it might be better to press the issue a little further. He lets his eyes open again, tilting his head side. ]
Your lap is more than soft enough for me, Komaeda-kun... But, I don't understand. Why is it painful? Do you not want to enjoy your time with me?
[ He scoots a little close. He's listening closely and looking more carefully in an effort to signify that he's trying to understand the issue at hand. He knows the answer, but he asks the question regardless. If nothing more, it's important to believe that his feelings are being heard. ]
Tell me, please.
BUT CHINESE FOOD IS SALTY AS HELL SO IT'S PERFECT okay fine he can do it
I don't want to ask anything of you. I want you to be able to decide what you want for yourself... If I seem different than them, it's because I am. I can't view the world in the same terms.
[ He considers asking if the Ultimate Nurse truly cared for others, or if they merely wanted to be depended on. Did they nurture them so that they might return the world better than before, or did they just slap on bandages and force them to endure treatments? If it was the latter, then such a person was worse than trash and should be disposed of as such. Even the so-called worthless majority had professionals that could understand their purpose in the field.
Even so, that might be a little too complicated, and so he refrains. It was best to focus on himself now. ]
Do you know why I decided to enter this field? It's because I what to see people live... I want to see how far they could go, if only they can be cured of their afflictions... People are like stars, you know. Each one has their own shine. My job isn't just to heal my patients, it's to help them shine brighter than before. If I can't, then I've failed them.
[ It's an explanation he's given before. Humans were like those stars that lit up the night sky. Komaeda, he thinks, probably saw Ultimates as the brightest ones of all, but Hiyori can't think of the world in such a shallow manner. There were bright and dim shines, and there were ones that dulled and ones that grew into something truly radiant. He shifts his position, sitting more to one side so he can reach out to reach out with just his index finger, letting it rest over Komaeda's heart just briefly. ]
You have a beautiful shine, Komaeda-kun. How could I possibly hate that?
[ How could he not want to see how brilliant that shine could be if only somebody were to nurture it? ]
IT'S SO CURSED but he doesn't he just gets smth sweet n salty like orange chicken
If you say I'm like a god, then it's my duty to look over those who are beneath me.
[ There were all kinds of gods, of course. There were those who would only offer their blessing in return for sacrifices and offerings. There were lazy and hedonistic gods who contributed little more than fairy tales to the world. Yet, there were also kind and loving gods who acted as patrons to humanity. If Hiyori were a god, he would think of himself as such. A kind diety who looked on and over those beneath him, who have his blessing so that they might flourish. That ability to give freely was what made them gods, after all and he was no different. He could kill and revive patients as he pleased. He could build and break humans at his b whims. He could love freely. ]
Komaeda-kun... I love people you know. I love watching them grow and flourish. Your can't understand, but... Human's can't shine unless they're nurtured. That's why we exist.
[ God helps those who helps themselves, and yet a person only need find the motivation to try for a god to recognize their efforts. There were even stories in which one would simply take pity on a person in despair, gods who fell in love with humans, and all other manner of things... Yes, if he were as a god, then he should fit that narrative quite well, for he loved humanity and saw it's boundless potential; yet, he could not cast away the part of himself that was still so tethered to it.
He sighs, they longstanding sigh, working a little more at his tea. It's not as sweet as he might make it, but it fills him with warmth and brings a smile to his face all the same, because it was made by the one that he loves most. ]
... I have some aspirin if you'd like, for your headache. And for your concerns of me... Hmm, how about this? If you can give me an adequate answer to this question, then I'll accept that you're correct on this point...
[ He reaches over and takes the bottle off the nightstand, offering it to Komaeda. ]
... Who has helped you to shine brightly, Komaeda-kun? Who put forth that effort, who has loved you as I have, which you so discarded to be reduced to a mere stepping stone? Tell me, and I'll admit to being wrong.
[ But no one ever has, now have they? ]
so it's settled, they'll get the fanciest and most expensive chinese take out in town
it's fine he had coffee and a 15 minute nap, what more could he possibly need
IT'S FINE I'M SURE HE'LL GET PLENTY OF BOTH SOON
I KIND OF AM TOO, THAT'S KIND OF ROUGH, I THINK IT'S BC KOMAEDA RIGGED THE DICE
HE NEEDS SO MUCH HELP??? HE'S HAVING A BAD TIME RN
i mean they did but somebody had to take responsibility for him??? his hands were tied
he'd better, i trust him to make sure that his husband only gets the best care
ohhh komaeda honey... gold heart for your efforts...
it's a really scribbly gold heart but it's there kind of
he'll thank him for giving him the motivation he needs to go full scorched earth it's true
just pump him full of blood and drugs and ivs he'll be fine
it's so insane but you know what sometimes u just gotta get forced to take a vacation
his vacation is just going to be sleeping on the couch but that's okay that's what he needs
he really did... are we sure that komaeda's actual goal here wasn't just to force him to use his pto
he's taken like one day off so probably a lot
he's going to have soooooo much work to do when he gets back i'm crying
he's great at both his jobs, that's why they keep him around, and also his patients love him
NOOO HE'S NOT LOSING ANY PATIENTS... PERMANENTLY...