( closed to @luck ) your turn to die: sou hiyori

[killed]

With varying vanities, from every part, they shift the moving toyshop of their heart.

Comments

HE WOULD DIE komaeda's so cute thogh i'm crying hiyori doesn't deserve him...!

[supporter]

[ It is a bad thing, of course. It's a terrible, vile, rotten, no good thing, a waste of all his efforts, yet that is of little surprise to him. It's as he'd feared and as he predicted, for all of the world is so easy to predict. If he were to think of it overlong, he would find that Komaeda is no different than any other. He's nothing so complicated as a multifaceted diamond, but a simple boy with several disorders that compound his trauma and have allowed him to grow so fixated on what he could grope around in the dark and find to soothe his heart by giving his life purpose. He's nothing more than a member of the ordinary masses, obsessive and so easily dissected, and yet Hiyori finds himself so fond of even that.

How wonderful love is! Hope is one and despair is two, yet love is the zero from which both are born; it's an emotion that burns with a passion far brighter than hope, that runs deeper than any despair ever could, but which is so thoroughly misunderstood by the worthless masses who can only think in the finite. Anyone can multiply one into an larger number, but it's only the most brilliant which can pull a one from the sea of zeros.

Burning more brightly and more passionately than hope, far deeper than despair could ever hope to be, love is the one that he pulls from the sea of zero. It splatters flecks of color onto his canvas for but a moment, and so he choose to follow his partner out of the room. What had he seen? What has him so agitated? There's a few flecks of paint on the grey canvas, and he watches with curious eyes. ]

Hmm, we could, but... It would be unpleasant for you, wouldn't it, Komaeda-kun...? It's still me, but... I'm borrowing your body, and you don't seem terribly fond of it...

[ Which is all to say that seeing himself undressed through the eyes of another person would be all that much more unpleasant. Hiyori might enjoy it each and every time, but that was and is because until the shine wears off and he's nothing more than a dead husk, not even the white dwarf that it is now, he'll love every inch of his skin and every thought in his mind. ]

... Such intimate acts should be enjoyed to the fullest, don't you think? I love every inch of you, but... I should hate to tarnish your memory of our time spent together if you won't enjoy it.

[ Despite the wording, he does seem to mean it. He does wish for it to be a pleasant experience for both of them, and well, that it won't be for Komaeda works to his benefit here. ]

NOT HE HATES HIM sigh he'll fix it it's fine

[supporter]

[ That was the wrong approach to take, was it...? Well, some part of him had known that he wouldn't be able to get so lucky when the other is already no doubt upset that his school was given no praise. It should receive perfect marks for having undergone such a massive upheaval, an event that they're still feeling the aftershocks of. Alas, he can do noting to salve that wound.

He finds that he can't walk as well as he'd like. His gait has a bit of a limp to it and he hurts all over, but if he says no now then Komaeda's mood will only deteriorate further. It'll advance to not being able to sleep together, then not cuddling, sharing meals and watching TV, and by the end of the night he'll bee holed up in one of his other apartments or some shady hotel. It will most certainly not get him answers to his questions. To avoid that, he slips up next to Komaeda as he exits the kitchen, taking his hand and leaning against him. ]

No, now... There's nothing for you to apologize for... Forgive my thoughtlessness.

[ He squeezes his hand. ]

Ah, we should take a bubble bath tonight! We can use the lavender mind tea bubble bath and add a few extra drops of oil into it.

[ At least it'll help with the bruising. ]

STOOPPP HE'S JUST EMBARRASSED

[supporter]

[ He loses the support when Komaeda leans on him in return, but he can only see it as a positive development. He's always showered the other with affection and soft words, so it must be difficult suddenly have that taken away from him, and under such stressful circumstances no less. He'll have to be more mindful.

He tries not to flinch as he leans over the tub, turning the faucet on and feeling the warm water beneath his fingers. He remains mindful of how cool his body runs now as he tests it, gauging it as much based on the feeling as how he'd normally adjust it for the two of them. Once he's satisfied, he'll push the drain stopper down. The bath is plenty big enough for both of him, though that's never stopped him from pulling Komaeda close as though it weren't.

He should have picked up rose petals on the way home. Rose petals for the bath, and a bouquet for his husband who's having such a difficult time. ]

Have you eaten yet? I can make us dinner after we're done.

STOOPPP I KNOW, KOMAEDA WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE LIKE THIS... IT'S BC HE'S NOT AS HORNY NOW

[supporter]

Ah, I'm afraid that I don't have much of an appetite myself... Hm, then why don't we share a plate? I could make it with farro, or perhaps orzo would be better... What do you think, Komaeda-kun?

[ Farro is more firm and chewy, while orzo is softer yet not quite as mushy. So long as it's cooked properly, it should maintain its firmness well enough to suit both their taste buds. He's been experimenting over time to see what does and doesn't work with Komaeda's taste buds, finding that he doesn't handle items that are too mushy well. Soft grains like rice are out of the question, as well as avocados and several other items.

He pauses in the middle to offer a small word of thanks as he takes the items, clicking the top open before letting a generous amount spill under the faucet and into the tub, immediately filling it with a thick layer of bubbles and the pleasant smell of lavender. He's taking the dropper out of the oil when he feels the arms wrapping around his waist, and he takes a deep breath as his button and zipper are undone. Even as sore as he is, the feeling of arms around him and hands upon him is a pleasant distraction from the day's events.

He focuses on letting a few drops of lavender oil drop into the tub next. Lavender is calming, and he believes that both of them could use that today. He exhales softly, putting the top back on and setting it on the floor, looking to him with a smile and a gentle laugh, ]

Your hands are so warm...

HIYORI GETS MEMORY ISSUES ETC, KOMAEDA GETS HORNINESS... HATE THAT FOR THEM

[supporter]

Hm... I shouldn't make it too spicy if we're sharing, but it should be alright if I add just a touch more heat than usual...

[ He tends to wind up dividing it into two portions, one of which has far more heat to it than the other. It's more work than making just one pot and being done with it, but it's not terribly fair to either of them for him to simply ask Komaeda to constantly add heat to everything - it's simply not the same as when it's seeped in. It was difficult at first, but he can usually gauge the amount of spice to add, and he tends to remember to add extra salt as well. He's also been gradually upping the amount of heat on his own to try and find a compromise.

The thought of doing it tonight is exhausting, but it's no issue. He's sore, his joints and head hurt, and he knows he's already pushed past his limits, but that's nothing new for him. He thinks that a bath will be enough to give him the strength to finish the night strong. He swallows, trying to keep his thoughts focused on what needs to be done as his jeans slip down his legs and he steps out of them, nudging them off to the side with his foot for now.

Those efforts are completely undone by the feeling of hands rubbing his thighs, the chest pressed against his back and the chin on his shoulder. Hiyori enjoys the cool touch that Komaeda offers, finding it to be not all that unlikely temperature play, but the warmth pressed against him is a different sensation altogether. It's almost like curling up with someone after being out in the winter, but far more pleasurable for where those hands are wandering.

He tries to say something, but all that comes out is a hitch of breath as he becomes aware of that hand sliding forward and up to more delicate places. It's followed by a moan as fingers wrap around his dick, and he's suddenly on fire, his entire body warmed by the jolt sent through him as his back arches and his hips push back against the other. ]

It... You're warm... [ He repeats foolishly, the sensation as unexpected as the action itself when the other seemed to find the idea of touching him so unpleasant earlier. He swallows, ] Ha... That feels amazing...

HE'S SUCH A FREAK wish he would be normal ngl to you

[supporter]

[ He's has never been so cold as to need be warmed up like this, but nor has he ever felt so small and frail when compared to his partner. He's tall and fit, but he finds that much more than toned is too bulky for his tastes. He's not sure how he should feel about it, or rather he doesn't want to acknowledge any feelings that he might have on the sensation... But it's difficult not to with the strong smell of lavender filling his nose, keeping his dick slick as the others hand run ups and down the shaft, and when Komaeda wraps an arm around him it's almost too much.

His heartrate picks up as each stroke sends wild tremors down his spine, his breath growing quicker until he's panting. His legs tremble beneath him, but there's nothing for him to hold onto, and he can't move with the arm holding him pressed against the other, nor does he particularly want to. He leans back instead, his hands moving to hold onto Komaeda's thighs.

He bites his lip in an effort to control himself. Hiyori's never been a man who's felt much in the way of shame, but there's something disgusting about growing more excited by the sound of the moans filing his ears despite knowing their his own, by the feeling of hands on him that he knows belong to his own body. There are small sounds and whimpers that escape him despite that, audible praise that promises his partner is doing well.

He can pretend to have some measure of control until right around the time he feels the soft kiss on his neck. It's warm, leaving a bit of saliva that cools quickly, and the soft intimacy of it makes the sharpness of his bite all that much more noticeable. The latter draws another shameless moan from him. This body can handle pain better than most for how much damage it's taken, but the thin skin and fragility of it mean tat it's nonetheless more noticeable than it should be. His head twitches back, his face red, nails digging into his thighs. There's a thin line of saliva dripping down from the corner of his mouth, though he's not quite aware of it. ]

I... I love you too, Komaeda-kun... Hah... ♡

[ He presses back, wanting to be closer still to him, finding that even the thin fabric of is clothes leaves too much of a gap between them... It really is disgusting for him to act like this. ]

HE DIDN'T WANT TO BODY SWAP WITH ANYONE but it's true komaeda will torment him the most

[supporter]

[ It can't be compared to experiencing sex for the first time again. That had been a clumsy game of exploration and figuring out rights and wrongs, full of the strange mix of overconfidence and nerves that youth and inexperience bring, whereas this is deliberate and precise. There's no need for experimentation for the owner of this body, nor even Hiyori who knows it from touches and kisses that so often come even when he tries to pull away, yet every slight thing is new to him, out of sync with what experience and expectations tell him it should be. It's hurts too much, it's too delicate and too cold, constantly begging for relief and distraction from both. It's the perfect recipe for such an embarrassing display as every stroke and squeeze drive him closer to the edge.

By time he's started nibbling on his ear, it's already too much, but Hiyori has always hated pain. His tolerance for it is just fine, but there's nothing arousing about having injuries agitated or otherwise created - it's only those who learned to love it through constant abuse that would think so, a delusion in their head that tells them that it's pleasure, and so the whining and squirming as he tries to pull away while offering breathy claims that it hurts from it are as bad as ever - maybe worse. Komaeda's body is more accustomed to pain, but it's far more delicate, and everything already feels like too much without being added to.

That reprieve only lasts for a moment as his attention is drawn back to the hand running along him, sliding along his shaft, oil mixing with the precum that's been dripping down as he rubs along the slit. It's brings with it the kind of mind-numbing pleasure that erases all other thought save for the shame of growing increasingly vocal and squirming. It's hard to breathe, and feeling the warm liquid running down his leg and seeing it splattered against the floor makes him stupidly wonder if it's from him. ]

I love it... I love seeing the cute faces that you make... The sounds that you make...

[ Sounds that he's hearing right now, his mind not having caught up with the fact that they're his own. The pressure has been building as those strokes have increased in frequency, his pelvis shifting along with him as his body his held firmly in place. He finishes far too quickly after saying that, splattering cum onto the tub and floor. He sinks back, face red, moisture accumulated in the corner of his eyes, a thin trail of drool drying on his chin, fingers gripping a little tighter as he twitches before falling still aside from his shallow breaths. He'd rather not think about what kind of expression he might be wearing now, though he knows all too well. ]

that's the opposite of taking care of it???

[supporter]

[ It's a bless that he's never known. The hormones and endorphins wipe away the day's aches and pains from fresh bruised and healing injuries. It's a brief reprieve from the tension that's kept him in a tight grip since he woke up this morning, his chest heaving with each inhale and exhale as he waits for his breath and heartrate to stabilize. He's still weak in the knees, but the strong arms around him and the warm body his back is pressed against are more than enough to support him.

He turns his head so that he can kiss his temple as he nuzzles against him, green hair tickling his nose. He smells nice, and as Hiyori watches him lick that sticky substance off his fingers he thinks that he might like any pleasure that Komaeda gave him. He's happy so long as he can have more of them. That line of thinking is crude though, and if he's too caught up in the dizzying relief to squash it he at least knows better than to say it. If he could look in a mirror, he's sure that it would only encourage such behavior. Even with their bodies treated, he loves every piece of Komaeda - the soul that's occupying his own, the words that he speaks, the sound of his voice. But he loves those familiar sounds too, and he's sure that whatever expression he's wearing would only encourage him for his present inability to differentiate. It might be the best of both worlds.

He returns the kiss, carefully removing one hand to bring it up to touch his cheek - soft and warm, just like the rest of all of him. He closes his eyes as his tongue runs up cheek, a shiver running down his spine at the sensation, before opening them to look back to him. His fingertips rest on his cheek, stroking it fondly as he tries to process those words. He should at least have enough self-control to not drool all over himself, and he swallows down the rest of the saliva. He doesn't wipe his mouth though, as the offending spit has already been lapped up. ]

Mm, it's the feeling of your hands on me... It's just as nice as running them along your body, having you in my hands... [ Maybe nicer, and the feeling of that supple body in his hands, the taste of him on this tongue, every slight movement... ] I was afraid that you wouldn't want to...

[ He strokes his cheek gently, leaning his head back as he watches him. It's difficult to do much from this position, but he runs his fingers up his thigh before bringing it up to gingerly place it on his arm. The rational part of his brain tells him that he should stop this here. It's not the best thing with his body in the condition it is, but then, maybe it doesn't matter - Komaeda ignores him half the time anyway, and he doesn't want to think about troublesome things. ]

I want more of you... I love you, Komaeda-kun... I love every part of you. ♡

[ It's at moments like this that he can say such things in earnest, when he can forget about all of those parts that he hates. It's a rare and fleeting happiness, a bit of magic that he works for himself, but like all magic it shatters and disappears the moment it's perceived - just like safety and warmth and comfort, alcohol and sex and drugs. ]

SIGH... it's the only way komaeda can handle having a healthy body really but hiyori will freak

[supporter]

[ It's not that his desire for sex is too high, as he's never had much time when there was always work to do, but rather that Komaeda doesn't find him to be satisfactory. It's a fact that he notices sometimes and entertains with a war smile that covers up the layers of frustration that coat a core of fear. He's considerate enough to finish rather than leaving his partner unsatisfied, but he'll disappear for hours and days at a time, be found passed out at his desk with a half-empty cup of coffee. He has to push himself harder, work even harder, remove anyone who might be a threat to him. It's the part that he shows though, the genuine smiles that come in the afterglow. They've only ever come when he was drugged, cut free from his worries at last.

The threads are cut now, the knots undone, waiting to be retied as he lets his hand move to the back of Komaeda's head so he can pull him in for another kiss. ]

That's because you always tease me, even after... But Komaeda-kun is the only one I'm like this with, I wonder why... Hmm, maybe you're the only one I've ever wanted to feel connected to...? ♡

[ He doesn't want this feeling to end. He shifts his hips, pressing back against against him, and he can feel the bulge in his pants. But even if he couldn't, Hiyori knows his own body well. He'll care for his partner alone, but it doesn't satisfy that growing tension in his body that makes him want to kiss them harder, deeper, to go further. Does he want to fuck him, or does he want to be fucked by him? He loves the feeling of Komaeda beneath him, the feeling of him wrapped around him, and he doesn't doubt that he could now too. But he thinks he could live with the alternative too.

Shameless, completely shameless, and he shouldn't be behaving in such an unrefined manner. He manages to reach his hand back behind him, fingertips brushing against against his growing boner before he grips it to give it a light squeeze - just enough to let him know that he's noticed and offer a few words before taking his hand back. ]

It'd be far more shameless to leave you like this, don't you think?

[ He's happy like this. Hiyori feels close to him like this, and he finds that connected is a good word for it... He thinks he'd like to make his partner feel much, much better than this. ]

the way he's going to whine and cry and complain

[supporter]

[ Condoms...? He stares for a few seconds, as though he were trying understand a foreign word. He is tired. His throat is still sore, a dark bruise marking where a hand squeezed it, and he has plenty more. How lucky that the majority of them are hidden. He's protected only by the afterglow, one that will fade too soon, and his thoughts are slow to catch up. It does finally dawn on him though. It's the same reminder that he's given every time, though he doesn't think it to be necessary after being together this long.

Well, it's not like he can say anything though. He should encourage his partner to be so responsible and practice safe sex even after marriage even if it's better without... He supposes it doesn't matter as long as he's giving head though.

The fact that this thought doesn't raise concern is proof that the combination of exhaustion and sex seems to have deprived him of any and all common sense, as there's a bruise on his neck where a hand had wrapped around it and squeezed. It doesn't take being a doctor to know that when swallowing is painful everything will be that much worse, but he's far more interested in the idea of touching him more, of helping him slip out of his clothes and exploring what's underneath. ]

Oh... Yes, of course, I can go get them. You can wait here.

[ He places one hand on the tub as he bends over to turn the faucet off, inhaling the steam wafting from the hot water before standing back up and turning back. The room is steamy and warm from how hot the water is, though at this rate they'll have to refill it. But at least it'll keep the room warm. He pulls his boxes back up out of habit next. He's never cared for wandering around without at least that much, and it's not as though Komaeda ever wants to keep going. It has the added bonus of keeping his skin covered.

It feels vile to be delighted by the sound of his own groans, by being able to make his body respond in such a matter, but he's able to suppress that by thinking of who it is in that body. It's the person who he wants to love and be loved by even more, to be closer and more intimate with, and the person who he wants to be attracted to him. Just knowing that Komaeda wishes to be with him even while in a body that he hates makes his heart glow, adding to the warm and comfortable feeling.

Maybe they can cuddle after. His eyes remain fixed forward as he considers throwing the idea of condoms away, but he forces himself to turn away before that desire can overwhelm him. ]

I'll just be a moment...

[ He cracks open the door, shivering as the outside air brushes against his skin, and steps out of the bathroom with some reluctance before closing it behind him. ]

NOT HIYORI KILLED HIS BONER AGAIN somehow this is even funnier than him paying for his horny crimes

[supporter]

[ Cum-drunk and love-drunk and staving off the hangover with each and every hit that he takes. Handjobs and blow and then it's onto other things. It's a shame that this body doesn't enjoy sweets, as he thinks that some salted caramel lube would make the experience even better, or edible sprays to lick off every inch of him... But alas, he doesn't even tend to use those as the taste sticks on his tongue in a way that makes kissing unpleasant after. Every once in awhile he manages to convince him though, on those days when he just wants to care for his partner and watch him pass out immediately after. It's no good if he neglects him, after all.

Maybe next time. For now he digs through the drawer in his nightstand for the condoms, finding that he has to sit down as he does so. If he stays in one place for too long he finds that he'll pass out, and so he keeps his hands busy with moving things inside until he finds the box, humming happily as he does so. He takes out a salve as well, one that he's learned to keep close for how often he finds marks on Komaeda - he always insists on not being helped, and more often than not Hiyori ignores him as he pulls him over to patch up cuts and bruises.

He rolls up his sleeves and touches it to there, his neck, and several other areas. They really had been rough with him earlier. It'll piss him off just to think about it, so he opts not to do so, instead waiting the few seconds it takes to dry before dropping it back in the drawer and pushing it closed. It won't fix it immediately, but it at least means it won't take quite as long to heal. ]

... ♪

[ How should he do it, what does he want to do today... He always has to be so careful with Komaeda. He's made the mistake of pushing him down once or twice, and it's quite painful for him. If it were another he might not care, but Komaeda isn't some whore that he found in the bar. He's his precious, wonderful, cute, and charming little husband. He has to take care not to hurt him or he won't understand his importance, nor how nice it is to have a person be kind to him. He supposes that means he'll need to be equally careful... He does know that body best too.

He's thinking about all of this as he goes down the hallway and back into the bathroom, happy for the warmth that clings to his skin (it's freezing outside this room, and it'd be all that much more apparent the second he left,) and setting the box down on the sink. He takes a couple out and sets them down by it. ]

I'm back, sorry for the way... Ah, once this is over we should try using the chocolate body paint. I'll use it to paint Komaeda-kun over and over again... ♡

[ Paint his masterpiece and lick it off and start all over again... It's a nice thought, and he wipes his mouth now to make sure he's not starting to drool again. For now he'll settle for trying to press a kiss against his lips, soft and chaste to start. ]

stooppp he's only not horny for hiyori bc he wants him to feel unattractive

[supporter]

[ The gel will expedite the healing process, but it can't immediately heal it. It takes longer on a sickly body, as they're slower to heal, and he's ever mindful of how much more important it is to apply it sooner than later. It doesn't help how sore his body is now, and it's not until a hand wraps around his throat that he remembers the pains of the day. The kisses are sweet and sensual, the gulps of air that comes between a testament to how thoughtful his partner is, and so the touch proves unexpected enough to make his body twitch and his breath catch.

The ache passes enough, and Hiyori busies himself with letting his finger trail up Komaeda's abdomen and chest, stopping at the collar of his shirt and undoing the first button. Cool fingers brush against his skin as he works his way down. It's not quite right for him to be so warm and fit, as he's fallen in love with his thin and sickly body, but he thinks he would love him were he like this too... Warm and healthy, glowing and full of life, though the white hair and pale green eyes will always remain as they are... But even if not, he could love Komaeda in any body.

There's a soft moan against his lips as they continue, the remaining tension easing out of his shoulders as warm hands massage them, and a tremor rolls down his spine when his tongue brushes against his lip. Those kisses move along too quickly for him to respond, but he finds himself pausing to grip his shirt before continuing his work. His fingers reach the bottom, touching his waistband, but they move back up instead to slip his shirt down and off his shoulders, and he tilts his head back a little more as those kisses move down.

He pauses suddenly when the inquiry comes. His head is still fuzzy, and the hot breath that each exhale brings feels nice against his skin, but it occurs to him at last that they should have switched positions by now. He's been baited like this a few times before, and it concerns him a little, but... He can't think of anything that he had done wrong or that he should be upset with him for. ]

Mmn...? Of course... What is it, Komaeda-kun...?