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( closed to @luck ) your turn to die: sou hiyori
With varying vanities, from every part, they shift the moving toyshop of their heart.
With varying vanities, from every part, they shift the moving toyshop of their heart.
With varying vanities, from every part, they shift the moving toyshop of their heart.
STOOOPPP HE'S A MARRIED MAN, HE DON'T WANT NO OTHER DICKS!!
[He's twenty-four now, only seven years their senior, but even that feels like a lifetime of a difference. He has no regrets about his actions, as they were just and shaped him into a brilliant individual that few can compare to, yet he's not so naive as to realize that he's already passed that threshold. It's unlikely that Komaeda would have fallen to despair without his interference, but he would have been locked into a far lonelier life. But perhaps that would have been better. They've both been getting soft. It's all so embarrassing, and he isn't quite certain how to vent that frustration now.
He's a horrible man, one who plays with his words and weasels out of things often enough, but he doesn't go back on his word. ]
Please forgive me for causing you such trouble...
[ He sinks down a little further as he pushes his knees up and spreads his legs as requested. He blinks slowly. It's a little difficult for him to focus, as the exhaustion of such a long day is beginning to settle in, but he recalls how agitated Komaeda had been earlier. It's odd enough to remain at the edges of his thoughts. He's far too kind, offering pieces of himself despite whatever it might be that bothered him so. ]
Komaeda-kun... You're a better judge of character than most. Have you noticed anything odd about your peers? Even compared to most, your classmates seem to be standing on a shaky foundation. It does concern me.
[ He might not care for the place or many of the students, but he's not so stupid as to miss how much could go awry if even one of them was misled. As narrow as their talents are, they're still dangerous. They're in need of someone who can utilize him properly, and seeing that school once more has reminded him of it. ]
Tsumiki-chan for example... I had hoped that Namida-san would take her under her wing, and I believe she intends to, but I fear that she'll struggle if no one does so.
[ Shouldn't that be Tsumiki-san? Anyway. ]
WELL HE DIDN'T WANT TO!!! thinkin abt him cranky
... Do not denigrate or deprecate myself or my importance when I've already gone so far out of my way for you. Whatever body I might have, I am Sou Hiyori, and I will not be lowered to the level of those who can't even reach my feet, much less beneath them.
[ There's a sharpness to those words that's rare for him, his voice as cold as ice. The human body can be healed, muscle memory rebuilt, and connections built up into a complex web, and all of those things would be child's play when left in his hands, but his brilliance and talent cannot be replicated by any living human. He's worked far too hard to be told to pay such respect to those who might as well be trash on the side of the road to him and Komaeda should be so grateful for him to be deferential at all. Just the thought of it makes him want to -
He really is in a foul mood after today's event, but he takes a breath to temper himself. He knows that he shouldn't allow himself to get so worked up to start and even less while allowing another person to work on him, but he's never had much tolerance for such displays of disrespect. Those who did find themselves learning the error of their ways quickly... No, he's just still upset about earlier. He's tired, he's afraid, and everything hurts; he's been treated as some helpless joke, and it takes every bit of self control from him not to snap over how readily his own husband would have obliged.
That pent up frustration doesn't need anywhere to go; he's a fine adult for being able to hold it all it, but it does need to put his mind to something aside from his own helplessness. There's a groan as Komaeda sticks his finger in. He does his best to relax to ease the process, but the emotional tension combined with the pain means he tightens around his fingers. His back arches and his shoulders rise, but despite that his cheeks tint pink. He hates pain, it doesn't get him off now any more than before, but the touch is pleasant enough for him to work through it.
There. Just like that, he's pushed all those toxic feelings down. His voice softens, now tinged with worry, ]
... Now, what is it that has you so bothered? You were agitated when I came in today... You don't wish to think about it, but it's clearly occupying your mind. Tell me.
STOPPP i'm crying his temper is so bad when it flares up
not everyone can go through life like a turkey in the rain, their heads tilted back and mouths open even as they drown in the rain. Not everyone has luck to entrust themselves to and delusions to hide away in. Not everyone can just be plucked up and thrown into a dollhouse, a label slapped on them so they can waste the world's time by being so coveted and given undeserved power and attention.
Some people have to work hard. Some people have to work harder and harder until there's nothing left but the next task, the next job, the next talent. Some people have to swallow the raw truth down like cyanide capsules, but despite that poison that runs through his veins his heart keeps filtering it and pumping it back through his blood while his lungs continue to expand and contract. Some people have to deal with that, struggle and suffer and claw their way through life, every night full of nightmares and every day an even worse one.
Some people have to be looked down on for doing the right thing, because those around them are too stupid to understand.
He should have just killed them all then, found the perfect day to gas the entire place and rid the world of that that trash. If he set it aflame, then the world would know what a disgusting stench it had.
But it's unfair of him to expect a delusional child who worships that group while believing that talent is a feature to be flipped on and off like a lightswitch to understand those feelings. Rather, he would rather continue to make demands, push more, pull harder. Hiyori can ignore that though. He let them survive despite his misgivings, because then and now he was a wonderful adult - the only one who was.
He sits up. There's a wince, but he smooths his expression into something neutral. Unlike others, he can control his emotions. He can be calm and collected like this because he's no longer the youth that others looked down upon and scorned for lacking the cowardice that others have... He takes in a breath and exhales. He's just tired. His chest feels tight, his lungs aren't getting enough air, and there's a disgusting taste that he can't get off of his tongue despite his dying taste buds. ]
... No, I know better than to dismiss the concerns of others out of hand. I won't think of you as insane, so please, tell me.
KOMAEDA WOUNDED HIS PRIDE!!! it's fine he'll be less crabby now
He sighs, but the hand on his thigh does seem to alleviate his agitation, and his fingertips brush against the back of his hand before Hiyori eases himself back. He stares at the ceiling as he listens to Komaeda, his head tilting forward slightly to look at him as he continues. He can't see the world through the Ultimate Lucky Student's eyes, hope and despair aren't a bright shine and an inky darkness, but he sees the world through a different lens, one that robs the world of color. It's only on rare occasions that somebody takes stains the walks and the floor, catching his eye for but a moment before it fades away.
It's frustrating, it's unforgivable, but if they could see it then he wouldn't be needed by them. ]
... There's a few that I've been looking at, but I haven't had the opportunity to meet them yet. Your senses are sharper than mine, but my vision is still better than others.
[ Hope, despair, then nothing at all. He's looked at the world from all angles. ]
It's the duty of those of us who can see what others can't to endure that feeling. It's our honor to prevent that infection from spreading, so I won't allow you to speak of running away.
[ Those words are firm but not unkind. It's a duty, an honor, an obsession... Ah, what a terrible time to have this conversation. If not for his fixation on the subject he migh tlaugh. ]
... It's frightening, isn't it? It's vile and disgusting, it chokes out all the life around it and poisons the soil so that nothing can grow, but... Listen to me, Komaeda-kun.
NOT HIS BACK GAME ugh so true he is UPSET and he an't even get his petty revenge
[ He reaches out to stroke his hair. He'll give him just a moment to consider that question. Those of the Christian religion tend to mistake it for being a sacrifice meant to purify their sins, but God had no need of that when he arbitrarily makes rules for humans. ]
It's because he can't look forward, nor can he look up, but only down while humans suffer on the Hell that he threw them into. What his son brought back wasn't the sacrifice of his life, but the suffering that you and I face daily. How we hurt, how we agonize, and yet, how we find happiness despite that.
[ Perhaps that's why humans are so smitten with the idea of a human ascending to a level of a god, for they would have control over both the heavens they reside in and the earth they look down upon. It's a story he'll have heard a hundred times by now, for there are so many stories that focus on the duality of life and the struggle to find those small moments of warmth it. Small, tiny moments that break through the ever present fear of pain and death like rays of sunshine filtering through rain clouds. ]
Despair is like that... It's not a poison nor a cancer, but something that forces you to see the world as it is - something delicate and fragile, painful and heart-wrenching, and those within it are always teetering on the edge without even realizing it... Nothing can hurt you anymore, nothing can stop you.
[ Perhaps Komaeda is a little too young to understand such a philosophical view. He's coded in binaries, but nothing can hurt Hiyori anymore. Nothing can change the path that he's set for himself because if it were to, then his entire life would have been wasted. He keeps stroking his hair, using cool fingers to brush the bangs out of his face. He's a smart boy, but he needs just a bit longer to realize the significance of that time.
He should put it in simpler terms. ]
... I had to experience it so that I could become something greater, so I could be what this world needs. Nothing can hurt me, nothing can break me, nothing can hide from me. Until my dying breath I'll cut it out of this world, and even that won't come until I've seen the person who represents it so dead...
[ He's never one to hide the facts nor details, but even compared to his norm flowery speeches he offers quite a bit here. He must be tired, or perhaps it really is the stress of the day's events, because in a quiter voice he voices something that he never otherwise would: ]
If I can't, then what was it all for...?
[ His efforts, his suffering, his insistence that everyone but him was wrong - what would that matter when he was even more vulnerable than the rest and twice as worthless? Why did he pry open his eyes and see the truth of the world, live among the worst humans when he could have lived a simple and easy life? ]
HE DIDN'T GET IT ALL OUT OF HIS SYSTEM!!! but ok true i guess he shouldn't greed
[ It's as much a fantasy as any other, but he can appreciate the sentiment behind it and the comfort it gave to others. He uses the tips of his fingers to brush some of the hair out of his face before resting his hand on his stomach. He stares at the ceiling. If there were some greater state of existence that he could reach then he too would be willing to die. There's not, though, and so he chases after the elixir of immortality. ]
How unlike you to fret so...
[ He chuckles. It's Komaeda who insists upon making him that god which walks upon Earth but Hiyori has already become something greater for the pain that he's suffered up until now. If it's Komaeda, then it should be enough to say that if he were to die, his hope wasn't strong enough.
He doesn't mind. His thoughts are interrupted by warm lips pressed against his thigh and those kisses send chills down his spine. It makes his heart beat a little faster in an entirely different way than the thought of finding that person. ]
K-Komaeda-kun... ♡ [ He swallows a bit of saliva. ] No matter what I won't let you alone, and so long s I have you I have no fear of despair.
[ It's an acknowledgment of what he said before. Hiyori knows the younger Ultimate won't let it touch him. ]
STOPPP HE'S BEING GOOD NOW
[ He wouldn't be able to weave such fantastical stories if he didn't. They're there to allow those who read them to pretend that the world is a better place than it is. His own story is nothing so wonderful. He's not the man who wished his heart be hidden, only to be be given a second chance at life once it was returned, but one who gouged it out of his own chest and stomped on it until nothing remained. The hole in his chest will always be there though, and he'll never be the restless child that he once was.
His fingers twitch and curl in Komaeda's hair as he consoles him with kisses. He props himself up using one arm so allow him to run his fingers through the other's hair. He toys with the ponytail, gingerly starting to pull at the hair tie to undo it. ]
Who, Komaeda-kun? Tell me... Do you think would would try to kill me, or perhaps find that there's more amusement to be found in letting a person live to watch them fail? Would I be made to feel true despair?
[ He slips the band around his fingers and wiggles it onto his wrist, taking a lock of hair in his hand and letting his fingers run along it before it drops. His existence was erased, so there's no reason that she should know he exists. Yet, he's caused so much trouble by bringing himself back from the grave.
The devil is sharp and sly, but despair is something far uglier. His tone is quiet and flat, but it's not meant to dismissing Komaeda's concerns. Rather, it's what he's thought of for such a long time, his worries and fears, so many years worth of waiting. ]
I wonder if she's unpacked the little mystery I left? Ah, it really is a frightening thing to think of how much could be taken, I know...
[ In the end, that had been the point. He's a greedy man, after all, and he so he wished for both hope and despair to train their eyes on him. A little chaos can go a long way. ]