( closed to @luck ) your turn to die: sou hiyori

[killed]

With varying vanities, from every part, they shift the moving toyshop of their heart.

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[killed]

[ His heart skips a beat when he feels Komaeda's chin on his shoulder. It's difficult to keep track of time at a time when he mind is so often gone. This is one of those rare times when he has clarity, and he supposes that they must be starting to lower the dose to keep him from being inebriated, or perhaps he's just developed a tolerance to it.

Hiyori would like to sit under the sun with him, to sit on the beach and feel the breeze tickling their cheeks, to inhale the smell of the sea as they lean against one another. He wants to lay his head in his lap and look up at him, to smile at him and reach up and touch his cheek as he does now, tilting his head so their temples touch. He slips away too soon, but Hiyori tilts his head back to look up.

It's not the same when he can't hear his name. The more time that passes with him, the more he starts to think that the reason that they were separated doesn't matter, and the fact that the nurse's don't seem to notice them heading toward the door tells him this way of thinking is correct. They must be distracted by some patient or another. It's a hospital, so incidents occur often enough.

He wants to be called Sou again. ]

You're wonderful, Komaeda-kun... I would have you by my side always if you'd only let me.

[ He blinks a few times, slow blinks as he tries to find a solution to their current predicament. Then he shakes his head. ]

You won't try to leave me again? I'm sure I can convince them to place us in a room together again... You can come back with me now. That will be fine.

[ There's so many problems with that and so many reasons that he actually can't, but he doesn't care about those. ]

[killed]

[ They'll tell both of them no, though of course it would be a much firmer one should they believe that another coerced him into doing so, but kiss after kiss and the feeling of fabric under his hand as he places it on Komaeda's arm assures him that there will be no problems should he only make his desires known. The shiver that runs down his spine promises that while they hold so much sway over his life, but he only need find someone to afraid to say no to him. They aren't all as strong willed as the one that had overseen his care for a time.

It has been lonely without this, and his eyes brighten a little as he watches him pull back. doesn't take his eyes off of the ultimate lucky student long enough to confirm it for himself, but he can tell that the hallway is empty from the lack of noise. It's like they're the only two i the world like this, and so he finds that he's content even with having to look up to him from where he's seated. ]

They will... It's alright. I'll speak with them. They're rather strict with Komaeda-kun, aren't they? I'm sure it must seen harsh, but it's only because they care.

[ He sighs, already knowing that his patient won't understand. They never do, and it's worse with someone like Komaeda who is still a child in so many ways. But he'll come to appreciate it one day. His patients always learn to appreciate what he's done for them in the end. ]

But you've been handling it well, haven't you? I'm proud of you... So I'm certain that they won't object to it at all.

[ Those thoughts aren't quite connected properly. There's no reason that his feelings on the entire affair should matter, and in fact it will likely be seen as all the more reason to keep them separated. Still, he seems certain that they'll see things his way, and he's likely right. ]

[killed]

[ He wouldn't trust the so-called "Ultimate" Nurse with a corpse, much less the care of someone he considers to be so important. It's a miracle that Hope's Peak is able to pick up such treasures as himself and his coworkers when the majority is common trash that lacks talent and charm alike, skirting by on name recognition and records of where they went to school.

But such thoughts would be callous to voice aloud, and the drugs dampen his bitterness a tad, and so he's able to maintain his smile and keep his focus on The person presently with him. Hiyori would like to leave too. He doesn't want to be in this place, his mind muddled and his decisions limited, among people who humor him more than they listen to him. It's frustrating, enough that he himself might leave if given the opportunity. Alas, there's no escape for him, and attempting to do so should only leave him trapped here longer. ]

I know, I know...

[ He keeps his voice quiet and soothing, lifting his hands as Komaeda takes his scarf before resting them back down on his lap. ]

I'm sure they'll listen to my request, and then we can try for other things as well... For example, we could spend the day outside... We can see the flowers in bloom, and hear the birds singing...

[ Did he need to go to the bathroom? Not particularly, but he's so easily led along that he hadn't refused either, so it's well enough. It is, he thinks, a place where they won't immediately be scolded for being too close. ]

There's no ducks here, but perhaps we could see if we can't feed the birds? I think that sparrows are quite cute myself. We might see starlings as well. Wouldn't that be nice?

[killed]

[ The answer is obvious, and it's one that Komaeda knows well by now. His answer never changes, no matter how many times he's asked. It's a wonderful and pure love that drives his every action.

He's glad to see the idea well received, and it reaffirms his decision to see it through. It will do both of them good. Hiyori is tired of being inside, of sterile walls and objects and the endless fussing of those around him, and to breathe in fresh air and hear more sounds than a droning TV or the footsteps and voices of those passing by, the squeaking of wheels and the opening and shutting of doors, everything about it delights him.

Perhaps it can curb some of the other's worst inclinations. He can be difficult and beyond reason sometimes, but at other times he's simple enough to reason and bargain with should one be willing to give a little.

He allows the other to finish, and when he does Hiyori blinks a few times, surprised but not displeased by the question. His expression warms seconds later, and there's an earnest and loving smile that he hasn't quite managed since the night they spent together. He places one hand on his knee to keep himself stable as h leans forward, reaching out to let the backs of his fingers brush against the younger ultimate's face before sliding down his arm to take his hand. ]

Nothing would make me happier.

[ That same warmth and affection is there in his voice, in his touch, and his heartbeat quickens as he matches with his own soft laugh. It's not like Komaeda to be so bold, but he's glad. ]

We can go through the gardens, and I believe we should be able to bring a little picnic basket with us too! ☆ Then perhaps we could pluck a few flowers to take with us to add some color...

[ They can view the garden and feed the birds. They can stop if they get hungry and have a meager meal before continuing on, and they can stop and talk and simply enjoy each other's company... It's not quite the same as being able to go to a real park, but that's fine. They can forget where they are for awhile, and if they so wish, surely they can do so again. ]

We'll make it into a wonderful date.

[killed]

[ A morality colored in gray with black outlines that are painted with colors made together the hope sold by proselytism. The idea sold he Hope's Peak is an infectious disease that's spread to every corner of the country, that's wiggled its way into the world via the internet, infecting everyone and offering the pretense of salvation as readily as any harbinger of destruction. The school will be the downfall of the world if it's allowed to be, and of that Hiyori is certain. He can be certain of it because his world has always been just as as devoid of color, a world that is at once dull and boring and frightening and exciting.

His empty world which can be colored only by love. It's love in the form of red stains splattered across the wall, hatred and affection spilling through his fingers as it drips onto the table and floor. It bleeds color into it before it fades out once more.

But he stopped noticing it some time ago, on that day when he first realized what true fear was, and so unlike at that moment, unlike in his daily life, under the influence of drugs he can smile in such a carefree manner himself, ]

Hm... It's a bit late to do everything today, but we could go outside for awhile. We could get a better idea of the layout, and decide where the best spots to stop might be.

[ Having worked here for some time, Hiyori knows the layout well enough, but that knowledge is muddled and mixed in his memory. Even so, he recalls that there are places in which are perfect for everything he's suggested thus far, as he had scouted them out for the sake of offering his patients suggestions when they grow weary of being trapped. He's even engaged in such activities from time to time, but he could never afford to do so at the leisurely pace that he suggests to Komaeda. It was always a part of his job, as is everything else.

But it's of little consequence. It's easier to learn the second time around, and it's more enjoyable than simply saying that he has the lay of the land. ]

You could come back to my room after if you'd like too... I wouldn't do to send you back to an empty room after.

[ He had mentioned being lonely, after all, and if he wanted another then certainly that could come in time. Besides, if they do that... ]

Then we can talk until we fall asleep, and tomorrow when we wake up we can have our date.

[killed]

[ It is too late, and he's certain that he'll be scolded just for this little rendezvous. The staff will want to watch the pair for the duration of every interaction for their joint safety. Hiyori is a more immediate concern to them, but on the whole they're hardly eager to slight him. They've already failed in that task in letting him be taken though, and there will be quite the fuss once they notice that he's missing. ]

It's only for a little while. It won't cause any issues.

[ He does wish he were in better condition though. There's nothing more frustrating than being able to even lift himself out of a chair. He lets his arms rest on the armrests, fingers tapping against the edge as they bounce up and down. In his mind, this is far better than letting that agitation continue to build up, but perhaps that's because he's still thinking as a doctor rather than a patient. The latter has never come naturally to him, and months spent in treatment has done nothing to change that fact.

There's a shiver a shirt is lifted and his torso is suddenly exposed to the open air. There are still clean bandages wrapped around his torso, but the area underneath them has slowly begun to heal. There's no red or rust-colored stains caused by the simple task of sitting upright now, and with any luck he might be mobile before much longer. .. Overall, it's a vast improvement from where he had started.

It would be bad if he was too late for his pills, however. ]

I miss being able to spend time with you.

[killed]

[ Komaeda proves his own point when he presses his finger against Hiyori's abdomen and in turn drawing a small sound from Hiyori. The pressure is still noticeable, if not quite as painful as before, as the area beneath the bandages is still red and sensitive from the various treatments and multiple surgeries completed thus far to ensure that organs and tissue heal properly and to treat and prevent wound dehiscence. Better, but not yet healed, while an adequate amount of drugs leaves it nothing more than noticeable.

He's not wrong either. Hiyori has lost weight since coming here, at first from dietary restrictions and then from a simple lack of appetite. They've taken to giving him Ensure to aid with maintaining his current weight, if not regaining what was lost, but it's difficult even with that. ]

Yes... That would probably be best. Forgive me for troubling you.

[ But it's best done before he can see them wear off in the middle of their excursion. ]

I supposed I should at least try to eat more... I believe at this point, the drugs are doing more harm to me than you would. My life is better just for having you near, as your presence is a light that can illumine the deepest darkness!

[ It's a problem, really. Hiyori won't give them up because they make his current state of being tolerable, but it sees as though his mind is always foggy now, his body heavy, and his appetite nonexistent. He'll be happier weened off of them, he's sure. When compared to that, Komaeda is practically harmless, and his flowery manner of speech and references aren't entirely inaccurate.

But if he were to put it more simply - ]

I love you far too much to be without you.

[killed]

Will you still kiss me after?

[ He's teasing, but he seems pleased with the offer. The idea of being able to go to a cafe and have coffee or tea with pastries, to be able to sit across from each other and smile and talk while tucked away into a booth or at a table makes his heart swell. It would be nice if he could heal quickly for that, or if they'd just let him do outpatient care. They won't though, not when he's so prone to getting into trouble himself. He never was one to sit idly by while the world continued to move around him.

But he wants to be able to leave quickly, to leave without looking back.

For now he has to settle for watching his tired expression in the mirror, along with the sight of the younger ultimate planting kisses. The sensation of cool lips pressing against his skin, leaving behind bits of saliva alternating with warm breath sends shivers down his spine. They're kisses that fill his heart up and threaten to steal his breath away, an exaggerated show of affection that makes him want more and more - more of his affectionate touch, of his romantic words, more of all of him.

He wants to see more of his smile, and Hiyori wants to know what it might look like were that smile to reach his eyes and fill them with even just the faintest sparkle of light. ]

I love you too, Komaeda-kun...

[ He lets out a contented sigh as the last kiss comes before he turns his head to the side and tilts it, reaching one hand back to offer it to him as he notices the look on his face. ]

While I'm with you I need not fear anything, and nor should you. I'll be the strength that holds you up and the firm grip that holds you steady through trying times, and I shall let no harm come.

[ His luck is good, his luck is bad, and if he continues on then something good will come of it. But he believes that Ultimates cannot be touched by it, and perhaps that belief holds some power, or maybe it's just luck in and of itself. Hiyori isn't certain, but he himself has always been a fortunate one - good things come to him naturally, and when they don't he finds a way to force them into being. He might redo his tarot readings dozens of times, or spin the roulette until it lands where it should, and his desired outcome always finds him for that reason. ]

There's nothing that we can't get through together.

[killed]

I always love you more. ♡

[ He loves him so much so that carrying around a toothbrush and toothpaste is no longer abnormal for him. It's an inconvenience, but one that he tolerates to avoid seeing the faces his husband will otherwise make. Even the remnants of the sweets and pastries that Hiyori adores are too much for him.

His stomach does a flip as kisses trail from his palm to his knuckles, and he it makes him want more of him. If only hold him closer. He wants to cover him in kisses, and stroke his hair, and feel the closeness that comes with having a person pressed against you. There's a pang of regret as he realizes once more that he's unable to do any of that, but the kiss against his ear draws a little gasp from him as another shudder rolls down his spine. He hadn't expected it. ]

Yes... I want to be with you for as long as I can.

[ However long that might be. Life expectancy is little more than a guess. ]

My room first, yes? It's straight down the hall now... It's the first room on the right once you turn the corner.

[ They moved him. ]

[killed]

[ stop they were right ]

Yes, of course... You're always welcome to come in, Komaeda-kun.

[ Hiyori has decided it to be such and in his mind that settles the matter. He misses having company in his room. It's bad enough that Komaeda will be released before him, limiting their time together even further, without having to be separated from him while they remain in the same building.

He catches himself just before he can say something foolish about not needing to listen to others who will say otherwise. That will cause problems, as he has no doubt that his word ill take priority. He leaves it at that for now. The knob turns easily in Komaeda's hand and there's no staff to interrupt them now, and so they'll be permitted entry with no issue.. ]

This room is closer to the communal areas, and the elevator too. Isn't that nice?

[ It'll make it easier for them to do things together. ]

[killed]

[ i was today years old when i learned that luxury hospital rooms are a thing ]

Hm...?

[ Had he misunderstood? He's been in a bit of a state of confusion himself, easily distracted and bouncing from one subject to another, and he finds that it's nice to be given such attention. There's no one that will do that here, of course, given that they're all professionals who wish to keep their job. He has equally interest in them, but here with Komaeda, he seems considerably calmer than before. Perhaps his agitation really was from being confined for so long.

Still, he shouldn't complain so much when it does seem that at some point or another he had been moved into a nicer room, really. It's spacious enough, with wood paneling on the wall decorations that add color to the room, a sofa, nice bedding, flat-screen televisions, and a few amenities to make it feel more homely... It's unlikely that a normal person could afford it. ]

Oh, yes, I needed to take my pills before we go... I believe they should be on the nightstand...

[ He blinks a few times. ]

Ah, I believe they said they were going to move me again... I'll make sure they move you at the same time. You'll never be able to recover properly if all you have to look at is an empty room with white walls... You should have company and color in your life, and more natural lighting too... Oh, I believe it even has a small living area. That would be nice, wouldn't it?

[ It's not the same as being home, but it would be something. They could go into the living space and watch TV and pretend that they weren't here.

He really is always worrying about him. ]

[killed]

Don't worry, they will... I'll have them set it up while we're out tomorrow... Ah, but you will need to help me to move.

[ He seems certain of this fact, and that's probably because Hiyori does get what he wants in the end. It'll be harder for them to decline if they seem to be doing well. If he has any trouble, he simply needs to find the right person to act - somebody who won't want to incur his ire by refusing his request. In the end there should be no issue when it will be a better set up now. Besides, he's considerably less vulnerable now than he was at the start.

It'll feel more like home. There's too much white for him to parse in his current room, and it's too devoid of stimulation... No, it's not good at all, and he deserves far better than being treated like a prisoner in a place that's meant to care for and heal him. The best way to keep him from harming himself is to keep him content enough that those urges don't overpower him to start with.

He doesn't quite worry bout asking for Komaeda's help either. It's not something he's fond of, but the Ultimate Lucky Student is only too happy to feel that he's being of use. It's a way of showing his love, and in a way it does make them feel like more of a proper couple when they can depend on each other in such a way... It would be nicer than having to call a nurse every time he wants something.

He places his hand on the other's cheek as their lips meet, parting his lips so that the pill can be transferred between them. It's a nicer way of taking it than simply popping them all in at once, and he smiles upon pulling away, swallowing the pill down. ]

Would you like to stay here tonight?

[ That might be a little more difficult but... Well, they can figure something out. ]

[killed]

[ It's just cliche enough to make his heart leap, and he kisses and he returns that kiss with an increasing eagerness. Komaeda being sickly makes it difficult at times such as this when all he wants to do is capture those soft cool lips over and over again, to explore his mouth with his tongue. He would kiss him until he forgot how to breathe and had to come back up for air, but as it is he finds himself satisfied with what can be afforded, those brief and fleeting kisses that always leave him wanting one more.

He's happy to hear that ready acceptance despite knowing it would come, and he does believe that he'll be happier yet with them placed together once more. He places his hand on his arm, letting it slide down until his fingers are curling around slender fingers. ]

Which ones...? Ah, I think there's just a few more...

[ He rattles off an additional three names. Medication to help with the pain, medication to prevent complications and infection, medications to encourage cellular repair, supplements to compensate for the fact that he's not eating well... He's taking a lot of pills these days, the finest treatment plans and medications that money can buy offered up just to him. ]

We should watch Unsolved Mysteries tonight... Perhaps we'll be able to come up with solutions.

[ He really did just decide that on his own. Of the two, Hiyori is probably the far more troublesome one, but he believes it to be appropriate for one who knows his health and circumstances well enough. But he's already thinking of how they might watch the recreations of unsolved crimes and discuss them, perhaps stumbling upon some reasonable explanation for the sequence of events that occurred.. He's well enough to sit on the couch with him, so they could cuddle with a blanket, though he'll likely fall asleep if he gets too comfortable. Maybe Komaeda could curl up in bed with him instead. ]