( closed to @luck ) your turn to die: sou hiyori

[killed]

With varying vanities, from every part, they shift the moving toyshop of their heart.

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[killed]

[ Despite the drugs telling him otherwise and the corresponding desire to argue, Hiyori knows that for now it's what he has to settle for. The risks aside, it would likely impede his efforts to have them placed in the same room once more. He nods in agreement despite the visible disappointment, and their lips meeting is a pleasant distraction from those thoughts.

Komaeda's lips are cool against his own, and it pairs nicely with the warmth that comes with their mouths melding into each other, the faint taste of butter still clinging to the tongue that mingles with his own. Hiyori leans his head just slightly in the other direction as he explores Komaeda's mouth in return, letting his tongue slip past the other's lips and explores his mouth, letting his tongue flick against the other's. It's a sensation that he knows well by now. They've shared so many kisses that his husband has finally stopped pulling away from him, not quite bold enough to enjoy such closeness with one who's above him. But the Ultimate Surgeon would cover in in a hundred kisses, in a thousand kisses if that was what it took to make him see how loved he is.

What bliss it is to be with him, even like this. ]

[killed]

[ It ends to soon, kisses with Komaeda always do, and he lets his hand linger and slide down before finally taking it back and placing it back on the armrest. The fluttering feeling in his chest is enough to sustain him for now, and he briefly finds that he has to stop himself from thinking of more. If his condition were just a little better he could sit with his arms around him, pull him back and let him lay on top of him, slip his hands over every inch of that frail body... But it's alright, they have plenty of time for that.

But just being next to him isn't bad either. ]

Yes, I'd quite like that! I believe they have caramel popcorn here, yes? Would you get that for me?

[ He's fond of the kind with chocolate drizzle and cake batter popcorn too, but they don't carry that kind of specialty treats ]

[killed]

[ The soft click of a lock leaves him alone with his thoughts. The room is quiet due to the soundproofing installed in it, a hazard if not for the cameras that are stationed about. He wonders now if he should have let Komaeda go on his own. His luck often causes him trouble... He would hate it if theri time together was cut short by some inconsiderate person once more. Really, he's not sure he could forgive that now.

But if he thinks bad thoughts then bad things will happen, and so he chooses instead to think on what they'll do today and the next. Perhaps they can sit on the sofa together. It's difficult to cuddle now, but holding hands and leaning against each other while sharing a blanket would be just as nice... They can nuzzle more,g exchange kisses and just enjoy the other's touch. Then tomorrow they can explore every inch of the gardens, feed the birds and pluck flowers to put in the vase of their new room. He'll pluck tulips and orchids and anemones for him, slip a primrose behind his ear.

He fidgets, looking around the room before taking his phone out and clicking through to find a show for them to watch. He really should ask for an electric wheelchair. They had been hesitant to give him one for fear of him pushing himself too much, but this restlessness only makes him want to more. He's never liked needing to depend on others, and it feels wrong to take allow another to assist him so much. He's supposed to be caring for Komaeda, not the other way around. ]

[killed]

[ By time he makes it back Hiyori has started to worry despite knowing well enough that it's not that much time at all. He's already decided on a show for them, albeit one Komaeda has likely seen by now. He sets his phone down when he hears the knock upon the door. ]

Welcome back!

[ He seems cheerful enough. There's a soft laugh. ]

Ah, you did well! I was starting to worry that one was giving you trouble... ♡

[ They'd probably have dragged him back to his room, and then their plans would be for nothing. It's much harder for them to move him now that he's here than if he's already locked up in an uncomfortable, empty room. ]

[killed]

It's alright. This room has a kitchenette as well... Isn't that nice? There's no reason I need leave... I do believe they'll be upset once they realize they've lost track of two patients.

[ He can't use any of them as well as he'd like, but even that is easily resolved by having a nurse who will attend to him at a moment's notice. There's no stove on which he might burn himself, but there's an electric kettle and a coffee maker, a microwave and a fridge, even cabinets with a few dinnerware sets. It pains his heart to think of the sharp contrast between what they've been afforded. Komaeda would be right to be resentful for it, though he would certainly dismiss it, as he at least was at least given a gilded cage to live in.

He shakes his head. He has no problem with Komaeda sitting on his bed save that he can't join him. His hand sets upon the bag, examining it, pleased that he'd found what he'd hoped for. ]

You've been doing splendidly. I'm grateful to have someone so thoughtful and attentive... Would you mind popping it now? We can sit on the sofa together after if you'd like.. I thought we could watch "Unsolved Mysteries" together.

[ It's an old show, but it remains as iconic as ever. ]

[killed]

I'm embarrassed by their incompetence, of course, but it won't happen again..

[ It should upset him more than it does, but he's on enough drugs to make it seem to be a minor issue when he wishes to be a missing patient at this moment. It would be inconvenient for him if they were to barge in and take his husband from him, albeit it's of far more concern that they'd put him at risk by not so much as acknowledging his circumstances.

He'll report it and see to it that it's handled and after that something like this little rendezvous will be impossible. ]

We can start with the "Circleville Letter Writer." Are you familiar with that one?

[ It's quite the spectacle that entailed an anonymous author uncovering the secrets about residents, threatening them and harassing one woman. It comes complete with a murder, an attempted murder, and what was in all likeliness a framing. It's the kind of layered story that thrillers dream of being, but one that would be unsatisfying if put to paper for the lack of answers. ]

[killed]

Yes, that's right. They blamed the brother-in-law, but there's nothing that truly suggests that he was guilty of any crime.

[ Hiyori reaches up to place his hands on Komaeda's shoulders. His one arm is still difficult to lift, and it shakes as he does so, but he manages to secure his grip. It's embarrassing to have to go through such trouble just for the simple act of lifting himself out of a chair and transferring to a sofa. They've been saying that he should be mobile before much longer, but then, they've been saying that for some time now.

He tries not to think too hard on it. ]

I'm causing you quite a bit of trouble lately, aren't I? I should be the one taking care of you.

[killed]

[ There are legends that lovers who meet a tragic fate will be born as twins in the next life. It's a charming idea, albeit the ultimate has no intention of seeing either of them subject to such a fate. He wraps his fingers around the lid of the popcorn bowl, lifting it onto his lap before patting the now-empty seat next to them. They might not be able to cuddle very well, but he'd at least like to be close to him for a little while. ]

I love you too, in this life and in the next, whoever you might become... If we weren't born again as twins, then that simply means I could find you and fall in love with you all over again.

[ He wouldn't mind if they were twins,s haring such a special bond that only they could understand, but being able to find him once more sounds nice too. It seems so unlikely in this wide world with too many people to imagine, yet he seems absolutely certain of this fact. He leans slightly to one side, reaching over to see if he can take Komaeda's hand in his own. ]

It's because I love you that I want to be able to watch over and care for you as you have me.

[killed]

[ Reincarnation is a pleasant little dream, albeit he's not certain that he believes in it. If given the opportunity to be born again as a different person, he might be tempted at times. There's the pleasant little thought of leading a different life with Komaeda, one in which they share modest amounts of happiness and talent; one in which there's no need to constantly calculate life and death and luck.

If their lives were like that, then would be able to meet normally, spend time together normally, fall in love normally - live their lives in a boring, mundane way. ]

I would find you again. No matter how wide the gap, it's tiny to a a pair who love each other.

[ He lifts Komaeda's hand, bending his head so he can kiss the back of his fingers. ]

I won't deny that familial love is special, and I would gladly share my life with you from start to finish, but... [ He strokes the back of his hand with his thumb as he continues, ] ... Such a thing is difficult even for twins. As we grew older, we might grow apart, as so often happens...Komaeda-kun might come to dedicate his life to another...

[ Always together, yet so often apart - an unbreakable connection, yet one which requires them to find lives beyond each other. He doesn't want to see Komaeda with anyone else. ]

[killed]

[ There are those type. There's a part of him that wonders if that would be so bad. Hiyori has noticed a slight change since he met the boy sitting next to him. The faint anxiety that's always pulled at him is still there, but there's a faint sense of calm. The Ultimate Lucky Student is impossible - he doesn't see his husband as anything more than a title, he's a waste of talent, and he hurts and frustrates him as often as he makes his heart flutter, and yet, that need to act isn't always there with him. There's times when he feels calm.

He wraps his arms around Komaeda's shoulders, giving his shoulder a little squeeze. ]

Of course... There's nothing that could make me love anyone else. If we were reborn a hundred times, it would still be you, no matter how taboo it might be.

[ He tilts his head so that they can lean on each other, closing his eyes with a soft smile. ]

Would you think that i had lots and lots of hope then, if in that life I weren't tarnished as I am in this one?

[ He's teasing, but a part of him does wonder. ]

[killed]

[ It's an ugly word, but he's aware of how ugly he's seen by those who recall his actions. He doesn't regret it. He would do it again and again, he'd repeat it now and see a few dozen more die if only it would wake them up from the waking daydream they've been caught up in.

He's proud of himself for building himself up despite that. He's accomplished more at his young age than most will in a lifetime. But Komaeda has said it more than once, he lost some part of himself at that time. It changed the trajectory of his life in a way the can never undo.

He lets Komaeda pull away, his expression contemplative. ]

I love you too, Komaeda-kun... I suppose I did have a choice, but I'll stand by mine until the day that I die. I'm sure that place won't make the same mistake again, though I do worry.

[ If Hiyori were to burn it down, he would do so carefully. There are so many factors to consider, including the power vacuum that would be left. It would be critical for ASUNARO to sweep in and fill it before some bad actor could, yet what of others? ]

Even if Hope's Peak never grew from it, I would never apologize, because what I learned is too valuable to give up.

[ He's been waiting, and waiting, and waiting, taking small and large steps, ripping weeds out by the roots, all because of that singular incident. His dazzling silver tarnished as he sat and gazed upon the coastal sunset, always watching and waiting, representing neither hope nor despair for his work needs neither.

Komaeda is a bystander too, separate from both despite chasing after them. ]

Ah, yes... They believed that I would be at one time. They had such high expectations for me. Such a rare talent, from prestigious family, a natural leader who excels at everything, beloved by so many... I don't mean to boast, that is simply what they told me. [ He considers the question for a moment. He understands why he couldn't then, because he had done what was needed, but what about now? ] I'm not quite sure how to anymore, since I deviated from the path set out before me to crawl through thorny buses.

[ He doubts that'll make matters any better. Hiyori considers for a moment before adding, ]

Komaeda-kun... Have I told you why I rejected my invitation to Hope's Peak? I did so several times before finally agreeing.

[ He had his heart set on another place, a prestigious school that was no less fitting for his genius, but there was a good reason for that - a reason beneath the reason, as it were. He hasn't told him, of course, because he never told a single soul. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity for somebody to learn from it, fueled by loneliness and drugs and nostalgia and other complicated feelings. ]

[killed]

[ They're nothing alike in that sense. There's few more fortunate than Hiyori, who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He was primed to become the person he is today, his every effort supported and encouraged. There's none better than him. It was, perhaps, a bit much for a child, but even now he doesn't think of it that way. It was opportunity after opportunity, care after care, success after success - each and every event led him to be even better. ]

No, that's not quite right.. You're right. I won't deny that I've been much more fortunate. I had loving parents and family to support me. To put it quite simply, I was raised to be a leader that could aid both Hope's Peak and ASUNARO in reaching greater heights and help to nurture a stronger bond between the two. My own parents were closely associated with both, and I was raised for that purpose. I was told that I would be better than anyone else.

[ There's neither resentment nor regret in his voice, as to be raised in such a manner was the best possible path for him. He wants for nothing in life, he's easily above all others in this life. The majority, Ultimates, those prodigies at his workplace - he can bring them all to their knees at any moment.

He supposes it must have been thoroughly discussed internally, and at some point Hope's Peak pulled into the fold. The politics of it are far more complicated than he cares to get into, but suffice to say it would have been to their benefit to be able to groom and construct such an important figure, one who could represent them and act as their very best - far better than the riffraff with their obvious lack of training and lackluster personalities.

Ah, he should be more honest. They just hoped that he would be deferential to them and allow them to amass further power and prestige. But he doesn't care what they wanted of him anymore. ]

My parents were quite strict, but I'm grateful for that now. Were it not for them, I'm certain that I would have wound up far worse... But at any rate, those of Hope's Peak saw that same potential for greatness, or so I was told, a future leader who could.. If I were to work as I should, I would be able to represent their hopes, and how that would change the world, and so on and so forth...

[ He laughs softly, embarrassed as he shakes his head. There's something about telling all this to a child that has nothing that feels stupid, but how else can he? It's not as though it'll change either of their circumstances. ]

Ahh, I was afraid... I was a bit of a cowardly child, you see, and I was certain that I would botch it. I would cause trouble for others, and I wouldn't be able to live up to their high expectations - I might crumble, and were I to do so, wouldn't I be crushing their hopes and expectations as well? How awful, how awful... I was so scared of failing... I'm sure that seems like a foolish and childish reason to Komaeda-kun, and it was, but I didn't want to disappoint them, and...

[ He frowns. In the end, he had been right to worry so, as he had botched it and embarrassed both of them. It had caused such trouble, but that is at least a decision that he can stand by. If they didn't improve, then it's not his fault but their own. He did everything for the good of others. He did it all correctly, just as he should have! He realized the truth of the world, and he build himself up, he made himself better.

He did everything right. He did! That miserable place recovered just fine, and now they cover their scars with long sleeves and armwarmers as they carry on while looking for something better than him - something that they'll never find. ]

... What if, for example, I hadn't come back from that despair? What if it was of a different flavor? It was quite terrible, but even then I wished to see hope... But if, for example, I simply decided that this very world should be thrown into despair...

[ He sighs, then repeats, ]

I didn't want to fail them like that, please forgive my dramatics, but that pressure was a bit much for me, and I didn't feel as though I could do it. Even while I was there, I was always afraid when they looked at me... Ahaha, I was always better than everyone else, always above them all, but I never quite felt like I could be what they wanted... I would surely bring it to ruin... It's so much easier to break than to build.

[ How scary to be the person who would build up the perfect castle in the perfect kingdom. He's certain enough that Komaeda will just scold and critize, and that's fine enough; he's had enough of it to not be bothered. ]

It would have been nice if I were worthy of such high expectations, but alas, I never quite felt it, and I couldn't quite managed to fix it without fracturing it a little.