( closed to @luck ) your turn to die: sou hiyori

[killed]

With varying vanities, from every part, they shift the moving toyshop of their heart.

Comments

NOT IT'S LIKE A 5SOME ok i guess ur right

[supporter]

[ What's the worst pain you've ever felt?

It's a question he asks every now again. He would ask it more if he could, but it would be unseemly to pry into such personal affairs. Yet, the answers never fair to catch his attention. For some it's their affliction or an accident, for some it's the abuse they suffered through, yet still for others they find that all of this pales in comparison to those who would rather have a thousand knives shoved into them than continue to remember their losses and heartache. He had once spoken with a man who opened up to him about losing his wife and daughter to a man who believed the latter to be a devil's child.

"But you are my son, and of you I am proud," his father had told him after forcing him to watch the execution of both. They were drowned in a church, baptized and returned to God while he remained on Earth. Hiyori had wanted to cure him, to erase that heartache, that greatest pain, and yet he lives on with it even now. But that is a feeling that he can understand, as he too carries his greatest pain with him, the sweet despair that sunk its claws into his heart and pried his eyes open so he might see the truth of the world, that pulled him along and guided his fingers.

He's never forgotten, he'll never forget, and what was born from it was greater than anything he might have accomplished had that disgusting black slime not crawled down his throat and infected every part of him. He'd vomited it up with each press of the button, each shock, each injection and sweet lie and false expression that had followed, by offering comfort and care, everything, everything, until there wasn't a drop left.

What's the worst pain you've ever felt? He had asked again, one by one, as he administered the lessons that he had been taught by those moments. They're lessons that can only be taught by those who have seen how deep Hell is.

Did you know? There's a way to erase that pain you felt. You only need to overwrite it with an even greater pain, he had explained with care. It's a comfort that only those who understand that Hell is a bottomless pit can teach. That wonderful promise to them that he would erase their pain over, and over, and over again, until they felt none at all, because he loves them so. He loves them so, and so he had kindly broken down each and every mistake they'd made - to assault a person whose riches far exceed theirs, whose connections are too many to count, whose brighter and better than they could ever hope to be.

He had cured all of their trauma, of all the pains that they held, of all thought that they could threaten him. He had just been in such a foul mood after this morning, after seeing that place as they left it, after realizing how easy it is for others to overpower him in this body. It only takes an ill-timed fit for plans to fall apart. Such a shame too, when all others seemed to see the subtle shifts in demeanor and behavior and cautiously approach in a different way - to see what a Nagito Komaeda that had a certain measure of confidence was like, one who could spin honeyed words in just the right way to make it sound right.

A beautiful talent for a beautiful soul; noting those little details that everyone misses about both the talent and the person both they are beneath it, finding the weakness in their armor and piercing it, doing everything just right without breaking from that love that this body's owner has for those with taken. If he had a month, he's certain that everything would be different as he overwrote their prior beliefs with something sweeter. A greater harm to overwrite past pains, a light touch and measured actions to repair broken relationships. He can do it all.

By the time he's finished with his work and trudges up the stairs it's already dark. His hair is slightly damp, making him shiver, and he raises his hand to yawn as he slips the key into the lock. The classes are boring, the work mundane, the school itself changing nothing but its people... He wishes he had more stamina, or at least that the headache afflicting him would subside. Open the door goes, and he shuts and locks the door behind him before slipping out of his shoes and into slippers in the same usual routine. ]

I'm home... ♪

[ Tired, but he sounds more cheerful than before as he's satisfied with his work for the moment. He wonders if the has permanent brain damage from the taser. He had used it on the head, but... Ah, well. It wasn't a person that anyone would care about enough to miss... He thinks curry would be nice tonight - they'd just have to substitute the rice. Shrimp noodles might be nice too, that can be made to be spicy... ]

i'm so happy for both of them tbh

[supporter]

[ This body is frustratingly weak and despite his contentment with the outcome, it frustrates him to think of how thoroughly he had failed in finding himself in that position to begin with. It tells him that he's gotten careless since leaving that place, but it shall not be repeated. There will be rumors spread, those that had held him down and done as they pleased when they find that this was only the first lesson in their training to become proper adults - prim and proper and perfect, just like him, just like they all should be, just as he is, just as they can never be due to the disease that sticks to them.

What's the greatest pain you've ever felt?

He wants to ask that girl, that boy, the student borrowing his body - but none of them remember, none of them could tell him, because they need a hand to raise them up and teach them that there's a life beyond it before they can realize that there's more to life than the pain they suffer through. It's not that Hiyori lost his hope, but that those children who have none are brightened by the expectations placed upon them.

It's a comfort that while his patients see him as both their hope and a savior, Komaeda could sense neither his talent nor any hope within him, as it promises that he cut every string that had been wrapped around his throat by others. He's forced to set aside every pleasant and uncomfortable thought aside as he's greeted with his own agitated expression as he enters the kitchen, too focused and too distracted to be normal. He clears his throat. ]

... It is our honor to remain calm and collected even when faced with the worst injury and most vile illness, for only we can bring comfort and relief to those who would otherwise be torn apart by their afflictions.

[ Families and friends who will grow anxious and distrustful, patients who will respond to every emotion and stutter and take it to mean things are worse than they are - even if putting one to death, a professional should be nothing but warm and kind, sympathetic and empathetic yet detached enough to hide any heartbreak they might feel. Only others are allowed to feel for their suffering shall last weeks and months and years when compared to a doctor's scant few hours and days.

He steps forward. Komaeda is not a medical professional, but he is using the body of one. ]

Now then, tell me my dear, what is it that has you so agitated?

hope komaeda's excited for him getting dp'd by other ultimates

[supporter]

Hm... It's exactly as I remember it.

[ It's a noncommittal answer, but an honest one. The children in his class were troubled as well. It was something he was sensitive to even then, though he was too young to stand above it all as he should have been. The mundane days, each one the same, and the predictability of those within had instead grated against him. The threads around his neck had choked him. The very atmosphere had made him sick when he could look and see jealousy on one side, drooling adults who thought they could utilize him on the other.

Different years, different people, and yet they're exactly the same. But despair wasn't to his taste either. It was dull, mundane, predictable, just like all the rest - nothing more than depression and frustration given an outlet.

In the end, there's nothing in this world that can't be foreseen, and there's nothing that can't be uncovered. There's only so many things that would leave his precious Komaeda in such a state. He walks over to place a hand on his arm, offering a reassuring smile. ]

... Komaeda-kun. You don't need to hide anything from me. It must have been something truly concerning to leave you in such a state...

[ He rubs his arm, but after a lonely of thought decides not to press it just yet. It might be better to do so once he's had a chance to calm down, that being difficult to do when left alone to one's thoughts ]

Hmm... No, never mind that. You're right. You should take a bath and calm your nerves first, and we can talk after.

[ He doesn't ask to take a bath with him, which is somewhat odd for him, but maybe he's just being considerate of the fact that Komaeda wouldn't want to see his own naked body.

Hm. ]

HE WOULD DIE komaeda's so cute thogh i'm crying hiyori doesn't deserve him...!

[supporter]

[ It is a bad thing, of course. It's a terrible, vile, rotten, no good thing, a waste of all his efforts, yet that is of little surprise to him. It's as he'd feared and as he predicted, for all of the world is so easy to predict. If he were to think of it overlong, he would find that Komaeda is no different than any other. He's nothing so complicated as a multifaceted diamond, but a simple boy with several disorders that compound his trauma and have allowed him to grow so fixated on what he could grope around in the dark and find to soothe his heart by giving his life purpose. He's nothing more than a member of the ordinary masses, obsessive and so easily dissected, and yet Hiyori finds himself so fond of even that.

How wonderful love is! Hope is one and despair is two, yet love is the zero from which both are born; it's an emotion that burns with a passion far brighter than hope, that runs deeper than any despair ever could, but which is so thoroughly misunderstood by the worthless masses who can only think in the finite. Anyone can multiply one into an larger number, but it's only the most brilliant which can pull a one from the sea of zeros.

Burning more brightly and more passionately than hope, far deeper than despair could ever hope to be, love is the one that he pulls from the sea of zero. It splatters flecks of color onto his canvas for but a moment, and so he choose to follow his partner out of the room. What had he seen? What has him so agitated? There's a few flecks of paint on the grey canvas, and he watches with curious eyes. ]

Hmm, we could, but... It would be unpleasant for you, wouldn't it, Komaeda-kun...? It's still me, but... I'm borrowing your body, and you don't seem terribly fond of it...

[ Which is all to say that seeing himself undressed through the eyes of another person would be all that much more unpleasant. Hiyori might enjoy it each and every time, but that was and is because until the shine wears off and he's nothing more than a dead husk, not even the white dwarf that it is now, he'll love every inch of his skin and every thought in his mind. ]

... Such intimate acts should be enjoyed to the fullest, don't you think? I love every inch of you, but... I should hate to tarnish your memory of our time spent together if you won't enjoy it.

[ Despite the wording, he does seem to mean it. He does wish for it to be a pleasant experience for both of them, and well, that it won't be for Komaeda works to his benefit here. ]

NOT HE HATES HIM sigh he'll fix it it's fine

[supporter]

[ That was the wrong approach to take, was it...? Well, some part of him had known that he wouldn't be able to get so lucky when the other is already no doubt upset that his school was given no praise. It should receive perfect marks for having undergone such a massive upheaval, an event that they're still feeling the aftershocks of. Alas, he can do noting to salve that wound.

He finds that he can't walk as well as he'd like. His gait has a bit of a limp to it and he hurts all over, but if he says no now then Komaeda's mood will only deteriorate further. It'll advance to not being able to sleep together, then not cuddling, sharing meals and watching TV, and by the end of the night he'll bee holed up in one of his other apartments or some shady hotel. It will most certainly not get him answers to his questions. To avoid that, he slips up next to Komaeda as he exits the kitchen, taking his hand and leaning against him. ]

No, now... There's nothing for you to apologize for... Forgive my thoughtlessness.

[ He squeezes his hand. ]

Ah, we should take a bubble bath tonight! We can use the lavender mind tea bubble bath and add a few extra drops of oil into it.

[ At least it'll help with the bruising. ]

STOOPPP HE'S JUST EMBARRASSED

[supporter]

[ He loses the support when Komaeda leans on him in return, but he can only see it as a positive development. He's always showered the other with affection and soft words, so it must be difficult suddenly have that taken away from him, and under such stressful circumstances no less. He'll have to be more mindful.

He tries not to flinch as he leans over the tub, turning the faucet on and feeling the warm water beneath his fingers. He remains mindful of how cool his body runs now as he tests it, gauging it as much based on the feeling as how he'd normally adjust it for the two of them. Once he's satisfied, he'll push the drain stopper down. The bath is plenty big enough for both of him, though that's never stopped him from pulling Komaeda close as though it weren't.

He should have picked up rose petals on the way home. Rose petals for the bath, and a bouquet for his husband who's having such a difficult time. ]

Have you eaten yet? I can make us dinner after we're done.

STOOPPP I KNOW, KOMAEDA WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE LIKE THIS... IT'S BC HE'S NOT AS HORNY NOW

[supporter]

Ah, I'm afraid that I don't have much of an appetite myself... Hm, then why don't we share a plate? I could make it with farro, or perhaps orzo would be better... What do you think, Komaeda-kun?

[ Farro is more firm and chewy, while orzo is softer yet not quite as mushy. So long as it's cooked properly, it should maintain its firmness well enough to suit both their taste buds. He's been experimenting over time to see what does and doesn't work with Komaeda's taste buds, finding that he doesn't handle items that are too mushy well. Soft grains like rice are out of the question, as well as avocados and several other items.

He pauses in the middle to offer a small word of thanks as he takes the items, clicking the top open before letting a generous amount spill under the faucet and into the tub, immediately filling it with a thick layer of bubbles and the pleasant smell of lavender. He's taking the dropper out of the oil when he feels the arms wrapping around his waist, and he takes a deep breath as his button and zipper are undone. Even as sore as he is, the feeling of arms around him and hands upon him is a pleasant distraction from the day's events.

He focuses on letting a few drops of lavender oil drop into the tub next. Lavender is calming, and he believes that both of them could use that today. He exhales softly, putting the top back on and setting it on the floor, looking to him with a smile and a gentle laugh, ]

Your hands are so warm...

HIYORI GETS MEMORY ISSUES ETC, KOMAEDA GETS HORNINESS... HATE THAT FOR THEM

[supporter]

Hm... I shouldn't make it too spicy if we're sharing, but it should be alright if I add just a touch more heat than usual...

[ He tends to wind up dividing it into two portions, one of which has far more heat to it than the other. It's more work than making just one pot and being done with it, but it's not terribly fair to either of them for him to simply ask Komaeda to constantly add heat to everything - it's simply not the same as when it's seeped in. It was difficult at first, but he can usually gauge the amount of spice to add, and he tends to remember to add extra salt as well. He's also been gradually upping the amount of heat on his own to try and find a compromise.

The thought of doing it tonight is exhausting, but it's no issue. He's sore, his joints and head hurt, and he knows he's already pushed past his limits, but that's nothing new for him. He thinks that a bath will be enough to give him the strength to finish the night strong. He swallows, trying to keep his thoughts focused on what needs to be done as his jeans slip down his legs and he steps out of them, nudging them off to the side with his foot for now.

Those efforts are completely undone by the feeling of hands rubbing his thighs, the chest pressed against his back and the chin on his shoulder. Hiyori enjoys the cool touch that Komaeda offers, finding it to be not all that unlikely temperature play, but the warmth pressed against him is a different sensation altogether. It's almost like curling up with someone after being out in the winter, but far more pleasurable for where those hands are wandering.

He tries to say something, but all that comes out is a hitch of breath as he becomes aware of that hand sliding forward and up to more delicate places. It's followed by a moan as fingers wrap around his dick, and he's suddenly on fire, his entire body warmed by the jolt sent through him as his back arches and his hips push back against the other. ]

It... You're warm... [ He repeats foolishly, the sensation as unexpected as the action itself when the other seemed to find the idea of touching him so unpleasant earlier. He swallows, ] Ha... That feels amazing...

HE'S SUCH A FREAK wish he would be normal ngl to you

[supporter]

[ He's has never been so cold as to need be warmed up like this, but nor has he ever felt so small and frail when compared to his partner. He's tall and fit, but he finds that much more than toned is too bulky for his tastes. He's not sure how he should feel about it, or rather he doesn't want to acknowledge any feelings that he might have on the sensation... But it's difficult not to with the strong smell of lavender filling his nose, keeping his dick slick as the others hand run ups and down the shaft, and when Komaeda wraps an arm around him it's almost too much.

His heartrate picks up as each stroke sends wild tremors down his spine, his breath growing quicker until he's panting. His legs tremble beneath him, but there's nothing for him to hold onto, and he can't move with the arm holding him pressed against the other, nor does he particularly want to. He leans back instead, his hands moving to hold onto Komaeda's thighs.

He bites his lip in an effort to control himself. Hiyori's never been a man who's felt much in the way of shame, but there's something disgusting about growing more excited by the sound of the moans filing his ears despite knowing their his own, by the feeling of hands on him that he knows belong to his own body. There are small sounds and whimpers that escape him despite that, audible praise that promises his partner is doing well.

He can pretend to have some measure of control until right around the time he feels the soft kiss on his neck. It's warm, leaving a bit of saliva that cools quickly, and the soft intimacy of it makes the sharpness of his bite all that much more noticeable. The latter draws another shameless moan from him. This body can handle pain better than most for how much damage it's taken, but the thin skin and fragility of it mean tat it's nonetheless more noticeable than it should be. His head twitches back, his face red, nails digging into his thighs. There's a thin line of saliva dripping down from the corner of his mouth, though he's not quite aware of it. ]

I... I love you too, Komaeda-kun... Hah... ♡

[ He presses back, wanting to be closer still to him, finding that even the thin fabric of is clothes leaves too much of a gap between them... It really is disgusting for him to act like this. ]

HE DIDN'T WANT TO BODY SWAP WITH ANYONE but it's true komaeda will torment him the most

[supporter]

[ It can't be compared to experiencing sex for the first time again. That had been a clumsy game of exploration and figuring out rights and wrongs, full of the strange mix of overconfidence and nerves that youth and inexperience bring, whereas this is deliberate and precise. There's no need for experimentation for the owner of this body, nor even Hiyori who knows it from touches and kisses that so often come even when he tries to pull away, yet every slight thing is new to him, out of sync with what experience and expectations tell him it should be. It's hurts too much, it's too delicate and too cold, constantly begging for relief and distraction from both. It's the perfect recipe for such an embarrassing display as every stroke and squeeze drive him closer to the edge.

By time he's started nibbling on his ear, it's already too much, but Hiyori has always hated pain. His tolerance for it is just fine, but there's nothing arousing about having injuries agitated or otherwise created - it's only those who learned to love it through constant abuse that would think so, a delusion in their head that tells them that it's pleasure, and so the whining and squirming as he tries to pull away while offering breathy claims that it hurts from it are as bad as ever - maybe worse. Komaeda's body is more accustomed to pain, but it's far more delicate, and everything already feels like too much without being added to.

That reprieve only lasts for a moment as his attention is drawn back to the hand running along him, sliding along his shaft, oil mixing with the precum that's been dripping down as he rubs along the slit. It's brings with it the kind of mind-numbing pleasure that erases all other thought save for the shame of growing increasingly vocal and squirming. It's hard to breathe, and feeling the warm liquid running down his leg and seeing it splattered against the floor makes him stupidly wonder if it's from him. ]

I love it... I love seeing the cute faces that you make... The sounds that you make...

[ Sounds that he's hearing right now, his mind not having caught up with the fact that they're his own. The pressure has been building as those strokes have increased in frequency, his pelvis shifting along with him as his body his held firmly in place. He finishes far too quickly after saying that, splattering cum onto the tub and floor. He sinks back, face red, moisture accumulated in the corner of his eyes, a thin trail of drool drying on his chin, fingers gripping a little tighter as he twitches before falling still aside from his shallow breaths. He'd rather not think about what kind of expression he might be wearing now, though he knows all too well. ]

that's the opposite of taking care of it???

[supporter]

[ It's a bless that he's never known. The hormones and endorphins wipe away the day's aches and pains from fresh bruised and healing injuries. It's a brief reprieve from the tension that's kept him in a tight grip since he woke up this morning, his chest heaving with each inhale and exhale as he waits for his breath and heartrate to stabilize. He's still weak in the knees, but the strong arms around him and the warm body his back is pressed against are more than enough to support him.

He turns his head so that he can kiss his temple as he nuzzles against him, green hair tickling his nose. He smells nice, and as Hiyori watches him lick that sticky substance off his fingers he thinks that he might like any pleasure that Komaeda gave him. He's happy so long as he can have more of them. That line of thinking is crude though, and if he's too caught up in the dizzying relief to squash it he at least knows better than to say it. If he could look in a mirror, he's sure that it would only encourage such behavior. Even with their bodies treated, he loves every piece of Komaeda - the soul that's occupying his own, the words that he speaks, the sound of his voice. But he loves those familiar sounds too, and he's sure that whatever expression he's wearing would only encourage him for his present inability to differentiate. It might be the best of both worlds.

He returns the kiss, carefully removing one hand to bring it up to touch his cheek - soft and warm, just like the rest of all of him. He closes his eyes as his tongue runs up cheek, a shiver running down his spine at the sensation, before opening them to look back to him. His fingertips rest on his cheek, stroking it fondly as he tries to process those words. He should at least have enough self-control to not drool all over himself, and he swallows down the rest of the saliva. He doesn't wipe his mouth though, as the offending spit has already been lapped up. ]

Mm, it's the feeling of your hands on me... It's just as nice as running them along your body, having you in my hands... [ Maybe nicer, and the feeling of that supple body in his hands, the taste of him on this tongue, every slight movement... ] I was afraid that you wouldn't want to...

[ He strokes his cheek gently, leaning his head back as he watches him. It's difficult to do much from this position, but he runs his fingers up his thigh before bringing it up to gingerly place it on his arm. The rational part of his brain tells him that he should stop this here. It's not the best thing with his body in the condition it is, but then, maybe it doesn't matter - Komaeda ignores him half the time anyway, and he doesn't want to think about troublesome things. ]

I want more of you... I love you, Komaeda-kun... I love every part of you. ♡

[ It's at moments like this that he can say such things in earnest, when he can forget about all of those parts that he hates. It's a rare and fleeting happiness, a bit of magic that he works for himself, but like all magic it shatters and disappears the moment it's perceived - just like safety and warmth and comfort, alcohol and sex and drugs. ]

SIGH... it's the only way komaeda can handle having a healthy body really but hiyori will freak

[supporter]

[ It's not that his desire for sex is too high, as he's never had much time when there was always work to do, but rather that Komaeda doesn't find him to be satisfactory. It's a fact that he notices sometimes and entertains with a war smile that covers up the layers of frustration that coat a core of fear. He's considerate enough to finish rather than leaving his partner unsatisfied, but he'll disappear for hours and days at a time, be found passed out at his desk with a half-empty cup of coffee. He has to push himself harder, work even harder, remove anyone who might be a threat to him. It's the part that he shows though, the genuine smiles that come in the afterglow. They've only ever come when he was drugged, cut free from his worries at last.

The threads are cut now, the knots undone, waiting to be retied as he lets his hand move to the back of Komaeda's head so he can pull him in for another kiss. ]

That's because you always tease me, even after... But Komaeda-kun is the only one I'm like this with, I wonder why... Hmm, maybe you're the only one I've ever wanted to feel connected to...? ♡

[ He doesn't want this feeling to end. He shifts his hips, pressing back against against him, and he can feel the bulge in his pants. But even if he couldn't, Hiyori knows his own body well. He'll care for his partner alone, but it doesn't satisfy that growing tension in his body that makes him want to kiss them harder, deeper, to go further. Does he want to fuck him, or does he want to be fucked by him? He loves the feeling of Komaeda beneath him, the feeling of him wrapped around him, and he doesn't doubt that he could now too. But he thinks he could live with the alternative too.

Shameless, completely shameless, and he shouldn't be behaving in such an unrefined manner. He manages to reach his hand back behind him, fingertips brushing against against his growing boner before he grips it to give it a light squeeze - just enough to let him know that he's noticed and offer a few words before taking his hand back. ]

It'd be far more shameless to leave you like this, don't you think?

[ He's happy like this. Hiyori feels close to him like this, and he finds that connected is a good word for it... He thinks he'd like to make his partner feel much, much better than this. ]

the way he's going to whine and cry and complain

[supporter]

[ Condoms...? He stares for a few seconds, as though he were trying understand a foreign word. He is tired. His throat is still sore, a dark bruise marking where a hand squeezed it, and he has plenty more. How lucky that the majority of them are hidden. He's protected only by the afterglow, one that will fade too soon, and his thoughts are slow to catch up. It does finally dawn on him though. It's the same reminder that he's given every time, though he doesn't think it to be necessary after being together this long.

Well, it's not like he can say anything though. He should encourage his partner to be so responsible and practice safe sex even after marriage even if it's better without... He supposes it doesn't matter as long as he's giving head though.

The fact that this thought doesn't raise concern is proof that the combination of exhaustion and sex seems to have deprived him of any and all common sense, as there's a bruise on his neck where a hand had wrapped around it and squeezed. It doesn't take being a doctor to know that when swallowing is painful everything will be that much worse, but he's far more interested in the idea of touching him more, of helping him slip out of his clothes and exploring what's underneath. ]

Oh... Yes, of course, I can go get them. You can wait here.

[ He places one hand on the tub as he bends over to turn the faucet off, inhaling the steam wafting from the hot water before standing back up and turning back. The room is steamy and warm from how hot the water is, though at this rate they'll have to refill it. But at least it'll keep the room warm. He pulls his boxes back up out of habit next. He's never cared for wandering around without at least that much, and it's not as though Komaeda ever wants to keep going. It has the added bonus of keeping his skin covered.

It feels vile to be delighted by the sound of his own groans, by being able to make his body respond in such a matter, but he's able to suppress that by thinking of who it is in that body. It's the person who he wants to love and be loved by even more, to be closer and more intimate with, and the person who he wants to be attracted to him. Just knowing that Komaeda wishes to be with him even while in a body that he hates makes his heart glow, adding to the warm and comfortable feeling.

Maybe they can cuddle after. His eyes remain fixed forward as he considers throwing the idea of condoms away, but he forces himself to turn away before that desire can overwhelm him. ]

I'll just be a moment...

[ He cracks open the door, shivering as the outside air brushes against his skin, and steps out of the bathroom with some reluctance before closing it behind him. ]