( closed to @luck ) your turn to die: sou hiyori

[killed]

With varying vanities, from every part, they shift the moving toyshop of their heart.

Comments

SIGH THE WAY HE GOTTA CODDLE HIM

[supporter]

[ Komaeda has gotten too good at noticing when he's upset for his liking. It's not something that's meant to be seen and he takes care to avoid others doing so. It's a consequence of spending too much time with someone. They start to learn your little quirks and habits, what upsets you and what makes you happy and all of those things that he keeps hidden behind a personable face. It's why he keeps others at an arms length and reveals nothing while tricking htem into believing they're privy to carefully guarded secrets.

But in return he knows that Komaeda neither feels guilt nor worry about doing such injury. The expression on his face and the easy way he had ignored him, perhaps while hoping to do worse damage, makes his stomach churn. But there's no need to be unnecessarily cruel to him, especially not when he seems to be trying to hide away in himself. For someone who hates themselves it's easy to tear apart their own flesh, and for one who wishes to be nothing it's nerve wracking to be of such vital importance.

Hiyori's presence has always been commanding. If he so chose, he could build up that same presence in this body simply by carrying himself with such confidence while wearing a disarming smile and speaking in such a smooth and practiced manner. Alas, Nagito Komaeda withers in the spotlight, and he wouldn't cause him such trouble. They'll expect more and more of him if he does too much. This requires a light touch.

But he does hope that none of them are too rude. The surgeon is already in a foul mood, and he's never had much tolerance for those who treat those in his care poorly. Still, that's for later, and he lets out a small sigh and shakes his head with a smile and a quiet reassurance that he's not upset, then he looks over the map. Hiyori knows his routine well enough from taking such efforts to get to know him, and he chuckles a little at the dog. ]

We should go together... I'm afraid that I won't be able to enjoy them now, but I believe saving them for later should suffice... Ah, but you should try some while you're able to. I can tell you which will be to your liking.

[ He might be unwelcome, but it's unlikely that they'll kick up a fuss about the issue when that would only draw more attention to the matter. It would be the same as acknowledging his existence at a time that which he can't afford to do so.

Komaeda won't want to feel his touch now, repulsed by his body as he is, and that too makes him hesitant to act. But the warmth of him leaning against him is enough to encourage him, and so he'll lean up to give him a soft kiss. ]

You can tell me about your day then.

SIGHHH THE OUTLET FOR HIS LEFTOVER FRUSTRATION bc komaeda's too cute to stay mad at

[supporter]

[ It's odd experience at best to kiss himself. He's no Narcissus and he should never stand there for having fallen in love with his own reflection. He's confident enough in it, but at the end of the day his appearance is kept up for others rather than himself. He finds this to be fine so long as it's another that he's kissing rather than his own reflection in the mirror. There's a hint of disappointment when he stops short of kissing him, but he settles for wrapping his arms around Komaeda and nestling into his grip to soak up the warmth that he provides. ]

Ah, but I'm all too happy to have been given the opportunity to share them with you.

[ He can't force it though. Maybe it would just make things more disappointing when he were to go back to his own body, but he still finds it a touch disappointing. He supposes he'll have to adjust to the palate given to him as well though, favoring crunchy and firmer foods, salty and spicy or otherwise simply bland enough to be inoffensive, and it's a bit difficult to imagine for one who never properly built up their tolerance to large amounts of either.

It hurts to be pushed, his wrist aches from bending as he holds him, and it's difficult to breath with the added weight. It's habitual for him to act like this though, as Hiyori has always been too aware of how frail he is and acted accordingly. That gentle touch is one that was built by years of practice.

It really is difficult using another person's body. His fingers don't move as deftly as they should, and he can feel a budding headache coming on. He supposes it's the dehydration in this case, probably the bout of stress too. He reaches up his hand to stroke his hair in the same gentle motion that he always uses. It's a hand that's too cold, the fingers too thin, but the movement and gentle touch must be familiar to him. ]

Not at all... Rather, I'm happy to hear such words of love from you each and every time.

[ His words come out a little breathy as he continues using a voice that's not his own, but words which could be offered by no other, ]

We can, and we can stop if needed... [ If he needs to is what he means. ] I love you always, Komaeda-kun, and I wish to be with you always, no matter what form you may take.

STOP HE'S NOT THAT BAD!!

[supporter]

[ He chuckles. Hiyori isn't moody in any sense of the word, but he has little patience for those who choose to challenge him. It's insulting, after all, to be treated as though he's so far beneath a person that they can antagonize and attack him, and left unchecked that sort of rot will only spread throughout the entire system. But it's nothing so concerning as a dead limb to be chopped off of the body, but an infection that needs to be drained of the pus that fills it, packed and dressed so that it will heal properly, with just a scar left behind to remind the patient of the incident.

But perhaps because his body is already so thoroughly covered with them, Komaeda seems uniquely able to avoid such consequences - perhaps he's just never enough of a threat, or maybe it's his idolization. His poor moods evaporate in but minutes, leaving behind only the remnants and debris of agitation. ]

It's only natural that I should be happy so long as Komaeda-kun is with me! I love you more than the sun and the stars, for your shine is more brilliant than any I could find in the sky.

[ People are stars too, ones which shine just for him so long as he nurtures them. The star before him is dim and dull, a dwarf star in the final phases of life, but the elements released from from planetary nebula will go on to fuse with others and shape itself into a brilliant new star - a new Nagito Komaeda, with a warmth and brilliance befitting of him. To nurture that process is his duty as a doctor and a husband.

Hanamura... One of his classmates. The Ultimate Chef, if he recalls, a person who would wish to receive praise and pampering from others by demonstrating their talent. It's only natural for a person who's allowed their entire existence to to a single trait, of course, and so he supposes there's no reason to refuse it. He places his hand over his chest, taking in a few breaths before he stands along with Komaeda, reaching over to take his hand.

Hiyori wonders if he might have been happier if he, too, had merely focused on his talent. He would be as vapid, empty, and useless as the rest of them. But he was always meant for greater things than simply being the Ultimate Surgeon.

A rare breed, a rare prodigy, a rare and beautiful talent - ah, how the stars did align! Their structure was so perfect that he wanted to see them explode into a brilliant supernova, to compress in on themselves and form a black hole. But the person beside him is too insignificant to understand those feelings, too caught up in those stars that brighten his nights and guide him along his path. It would be nice if he could though, as a fellow outcast - one misunderstood by both those with and those without talent. ]

I'll be sure to try it if so... Ah, it's no trouble at all. It's a bit late to make anything, but I do have some udon bowls if you'd like...

[ Instant ramen bowls too. He even picks up the spicy ones for Komaeda. It's simple and not quite what one would call a breakfast item, but quick and satisfying enough. But before he settled into this new pattern, it wasn't uncommon for him to simply grab a coffee and perhaps toast with jam or a pastry on his way to the office. ]

STOP KOMAEDA DOESN'T WANT TO FUCK HIM???

[supporter]

[ He would try to take it again, albeit he would think better of it after the second effort. It's no doubt an unpleasant experience to be given affection by a body he hates so much, and Hiyori wonders if it might not be better to let go. He tightens his grip a little instead, seeming pleased when he's allowed to keep hold of it. He's never been quite so aware of the sharp difference in temperature between them.

Hiyori takes the bowl and looks it over. He recognizes it as part of a pair. He had been fond of the pink one, finding the colored noodles to hold just the right amount of flavor for him. ]

Ah, I recognize this one... You throw away the fish chip, don't you? How sad, I believe I took the last of its partner bowl with me the other day...

[ It's such a small and insignificant detail, like having coffee or tea together using matching cups, and yet even so always finds himself charmed by the idea. It's one more way of forming a connection and a bond, a little trick of the mind that says they're closer for it despite it not truly making much of a difference.

Still, his smile returns as he considers the lateral statement. Under normal circumstances he would probably lean in and kiss him, cup his face and let their foreheads touch, but to do that now would be uncomfortable for both of them. It does seem a bit low brow to shower his own body with kisses. As it is, he settles for squeezing his hand, and what was left of his frustration with Komaeda evaporates, the remainder left in reserve for the next person to warrant it.

Husband... It's nice to hear that word from his mouth. ]

You always do... I never have to worry with you around... Ah, you might try this one...

[ He sets his bowl down briefly so he can procure a second one. For a person who lives such an extravagant lifestyle, it's surprisingly common - a cheap brand of noodles that can be found at most convenience stores. ]

I used to have it when I was in college.

[ It was something easy to find and quick to prepare, both of which were important at such a time, especially when he would frequently forget to get anything at all until most stores were closed. This one says it has a medium spiciness, which probably still isn't very hot for anyone whose built up any kind of proper tolerance - but given that he hasn't, it's probably a fair accomplishment for him to be able to handle. ]

Er, I suppose you can add more heat to it if you'd like... I'm afraid I've never had much of a taste for it, but I can handle this much...

[ ...

...

He seems proud of that fact. ]

stoooppp he will anytime... sigh thinkin bout how he's not allowed to get out of being gangbanged

[supporter]

[ It must seem like a paltry amount to a person like Komaeda who thrives on it, but there's enough that it should have a bit of kick to it... It's nothing that would need be brought up, but he's made some progress in building up his tolerance since they started spending more time together. He's gotten to the point of being able to handle a noticeable amount of heat. It's somewhat impressive for a person who focuses on sweet and savory meals. It's a way of being able to share them with him.

He had a milder version of it before, so it's an improvement.

There's a moment in which he might protest, but the kiss catches him off guard. He returns it readily, holding it for a few seconds longer than he should before pulling away. It must be uncomfortable for him, and so to have that boundary pushed makes him happy. It's something done for him, an action that he can reciprocate because all of those little mannerisms promise that it's another person wearing his face.

There's a soft laugh. ]

Will I be able to drink of Komaeda-kun's kisses until the burning subsides? I'm sure my mouth would be on fire if I tried such a thing, but it would be worth it.

he doesn't like ppl touching his toys!! sigh he can't even appreciate komaeda's cute moans

[supporter]

[ How lucky indeed to be able to enter that gilded cage once more. It makes him sick to think about, or maybe that's just the acid in his empty stomach.

He can't repeat that experiment in this body, which has neither clout nor fortitude. Perhaps something on a smaller scale, but what point is there in action that might simply be blamed on some wretch? They would still breathe, the cover up complete in the blink of an eye.

Boring, how dreadfully boring... Ah, it's dull enough to make his fingers twitch. He takes the blazer off the coat rack, slipping it on. He buttons it up and adjusts the tie, ensuring that everything is in order before patting his pockets and waistband to ensure the items that he hadn't forgotten to grab anything.

Wallet, cell phone, knife, taser... It all seems to be in order. He has his ID and school materials as well. If this body weren't so painful, it really would be the same. ]

It'll be alright. I'll make it on time... But do let me know if anyone causes you any trouble. I'll ensure it's taken care of.

[ It simply won't do for anyone to think that they can disrespect Sou Hiyori, not directly nor by playing with his toys. ]

Then, I'll see you tonight. I love you, Komaeda-kun.

[ He tries to make those the last words that he leaves each day, not for any fear of loss but hopes that they'll carry him through the day. ]

NOT IT'S LIKE A 5SOME ok i guess ur right

[supporter]

[ What's the worst pain you've ever felt?

It's a question he asks every now again. He would ask it more if he could, but it would be unseemly to pry into such personal affairs. Yet, the answers never fair to catch his attention. For some it's their affliction or an accident, for some it's the abuse they suffered through, yet still for others they find that all of this pales in comparison to those who would rather have a thousand knives shoved into them than continue to remember their losses and heartache. He had once spoken with a man who opened up to him about losing his wife and daughter to a man who believed the latter to be a devil's child.

"But you are my son, and of you I am proud," his father had told him after forcing him to watch the execution of both. They were drowned in a church, baptized and returned to God while he remained on Earth. Hiyori had wanted to cure him, to erase that heartache, that greatest pain, and yet he lives on with it even now. But that is a feeling that he can understand, as he too carries his greatest pain with him, the sweet despair that sunk its claws into his heart and pried his eyes open so he might see the truth of the world, that pulled him along and guided his fingers.

He's never forgotten, he'll never forget, and what was born from it was greater than anything he might have accomplished had that disgusting black slime not crawled down his throat and infected every part of him. He'd vomited it up with each press of the button, each shock, each injection and sweet lie and false expression that had followed, by offering comfort and care, everything, everything, until there wasn't a drop left.

What's the worst pain you've ever felt? He had asked again, one by one, as he administered the lessons that he had been taught by those moments. They're lessons that can only be taught by those who have seen how deep Hell is.

Did you know? There's a way to erase that pain you felt. You only need to overwrite it with an even greater pain, he had explained with care. It's a comfort that only those who understand that Hell is a bottomless pit can teach. That wonderful promise to them that he would erase their pain over, and over, and over again, until they felt none at all, because he loves them so. He loves them so, and so he had kindly broken down each and every mistake they'd made - to assault a person whose riches far exceed theirs, whose connections are too many to count, whose brighter and better than they could ever hope to be.

He had cured all of their trauma, of all the pains that they held, of all thought that they could threaten him. He had just been in such a foul mood after this morning, after seeing that place as they left it, after realizing how easy it is for others to overpower him in this body. It only takes an ill-timed fit for plans to fall apart. Such a shame too, when all others seemed to see the subtle shifts in demeanor and behavior and cautiously approach in a different way - to see what a Nagito Komaeda that had a certain measure of confidence was like, one who could spin honeyed words in just the right way to make it sound right.

A beautiful talent for a beautiful soul; noting those little details that everyone misses about both the talent and the person both they are beneath it, finding the weakness in their armor and piercing it, doing everything just right without breaking from that love that this body's owner has for those with taken. If he had a month, he's certain that everything would be different as he overwrote their prior beliefs with something sweeter. A greater harm to overwrite past pains, a light touch and measured actions to repair broken relationships. He can do it all.

By the time he's finished with his work and trudges up the stairs it's already dark. His hair is slightly damp, making him shiver, and he raises his hand to yawn as he slips the key into the lock. The classes are boring, the work mundane, the school itself changing nothing but its people... He wishes he had more stamina, or at least that the headache afflicting him would subside. Open the door goes, and he shuts and locks the door behind him before slipping out of his shoes and into slippers in the same usual routine. ]

I'm home... ♪

[ Tired, but he sounds more cheerful than before as he's satisfied with his work for the moment. He wonders if the has permanent brain damage from the taser. He had used it on the head, but... Ah, well. It wasn't a person that anyone would care about enough to miss... He thinks curry would be nice tonight - they'd just have to substitute the rice. Shrimp noodles might be nice too, that can be made to be spicy... ]

i'm so happy for both of them tbh

[supporter]

[ This body is frustratingly weak and despite his contentment with the outcome, it frustrates him to think of how thoroughly he had failed in finding himself in that position to begin with. It tells him that he's gotten careless since leaving that place, but it shall not be repeated. There will be rumors spread, those that had held him down and done as they pleased when they find that this was only the first lesson in their training to become proper adults - prim and proper and perfect, just like him, just like they all should be, just as he is, just as they can never be due to the disease that sticks to them.

What's the greatest pain you've ever felt?

He wants to ask that girl, that boy, the student borrowing his body - but none of them remember, none of them could tell him, because they need a hand to raise them up and teach them that there's a life beyond it before they can realize that there's more to life than the pain they suffer through. It's not that Hiyori lost his hope, but that those children who have none are brightened by the expectations placed upon them.

It's a comfort that while his patients see him as both their hope and a savior, Komaeda could sense neither his talent nor any hope within him, as it promises that he cut every string that had been wrapped around his throat by others. He's forced to set aside every pleasant and uncomfortable thought aside as he's greeted with his own agitated expression as he enters the kitchen, too focused and too distracted to be normal. He clears his throat. ]

... It is our honor to remain calm and collected even when faced with the worst injury and most vile illness, for only we can bring comfort and relief to those who would otherwise be torn apart by their afflictions.

[ Families and friends who will grow anxious and distrustful, patients who will respond to every emotion and stutter and take it to mean things are worse than they are - even if putting one to death, a professional should be nothing but warm and kind, sympathetic and empathetic yet detached enough to hide any heartbreak they might feel. Only others are allowed to feel for their suffering shall last weeks and months and years when compared to a doctor's scant few hours and days.

He steps forward. Komaeda is not a medical professional, but he is using the body of one. ]

Now then, tell me my dear, what is it that has you so agitated?

hope komaeda's excited for him getting dp'd by other ultimates

[supporter]

Hm... It's exactly as I remember it.

[ It's a noncommittal answer, but an honest one. The children in his class were troubled as well. It was something he was sensitive to even then, though he was too young to stand above it all as he should have been. The mundane days, each one the same, and the predictability of those within had instead grated against him. The threads around his neck had choked him. The very atmosphere had made him sick when he could look and see jealousy on one side, drooling adults who thought they could utilize him on the other.

Different years, different people, and yet they're exactly the same. But despair wasn't to his taste either. It was dull, mundane, predictable, just like all the rest - nothing more than depression and frustration given an outlet.

In the end, there's nothing in this world that can't be foreseen, and there's nothing that can't be uncovered. There's only so many things that would leave his precious Komaeda in such a state. He walks over to place a hand on his arm, offering a reassuring smile. ]

... Komaeda-kun. You don't need to hide anything from me. It must have been something truly concerning to leave you in such a state...

[ He rubs his arm, but after a lonely of thought decides not to press it just yet. It might be better to do so once he's had a chance to calm down, that being difficult to do when left alone to one's thoughts ]

Hmm... No, never mind that. You're right. You should take a bath and calm your nerves first, and we can talk after.

[ He doesn't ask to take a bath with him, which is somewhat odd for him, but maybe he's just being considerate of the fact that Komaeda wouldn't want to see his own naked body.

Hm. ]

HE WOULD DIE komaeda's so cute thogh i'm crying hiyori doesn't deserve him...!

[supporter]

[ It is a bad thing, of course. It's a terrible, vile, rotten, no good thing, a waste of all his efforts, yet that is of little surprise to him. It's as he'd feared and as he predicted, for all of the world is so easy to predict. If he were to think of it overlong, he would find that Komaeda is no different than any other. He's nothing so complicated as a multifaceted diamond, but a simple boy with several disorders that compound his trauma and have allowed him to grow so fixated on what he could grope around in the dark and find to soothe his heart by giving his life purpose. He's nothing more than a member of the ordinary masses, obsessive and so easily dissected, and yet Hiyori finds himself so fond of even that.

How wonderful love is! Hope is one and despair is two, yet love is the zero from which both are born; it's an emotion that burns with a passion far brighter than hope, that runs deeper than any despair ever could, but which is so thoroughly misunderstood by the worthless masses who can only think in the finite. Anyone can multiply one into an larger number, but it's only the most brilliant which can pull a one from the sea of zeros.

Burning more brightly and more passionately than hope, far deeper than despair could ever hope to be, love is the one that he pulls from the sea of zero. It splatters flecks of color onto his canvas for but a moment, and so he choose to follow his partner out of the room. What had he seen? What has him so agitated? There's a few flecks of paint on the grey canvas, and he watches with curious eyes. ]

Hmm, we could, but... It would be unpleasant for you, wouldn't it, Komaeda-kun...? It's still me, but... I'm borrowing your body, and you don't seem terribly fond of it...

[ Which is all to say that seeing himself undressed through the eyes of another person would be all that much more unpleasant. Hiyori might enjoy it each and every time, but that was and is because until the shine wears off and he's nothing more than a dead husk, not even the white dwarf that it is now, he'll love every inch of his skin and every thought in his mind. ]

... Such intimate acts should be enjoyed to the fullest, don't you think? I love every inch of you, but... I should hate to tarnish your memory of our time spent together if you won't enjoy it.

[ Despite the wording, he does seem to mean it. He does wish for it to be a pleasant experience for both of them, and well, that it won't be for Komaeda works to his benefit here. ]

NOT HE HATES HIM sigh he'll fix it it's fine

[supporter]

[ That was the wrong approach to take, was it...? Well, some part of him had known that he wouldn't be able to get so lucky when the other is already no doubt upset that his school was given no praise. It should receive perfect marks for having undergone such a massive upheaval, an event that they're still feeling the aftershocks of. Alas, he can do noting to salve that wound.

He finds that he can't walk as well as he'd like. His gait has a bit of a limp to it and he hurts all over, but if he says no now then Komaeda's mood will only deteriorate further. It'll advance to not being able to sleep together, then not cuddling, sharing meals and watching TV, and by the end of the night he'll bee holed up in one of his other apartments or some shady hotel. It will most certainly not get him answers to his questions. To avoid that, he slips up next to Komaeda as he exits the kitchen, taking his hand and leaning against him. ]

No, now... There's nothing for you to apologize for... Forgive my thoughtlessness.

[ He squeezes his hand. ]

Ah, we should take a bubble bath tonight! We can use the lavender mind tea bubble bath and add a few extra drops of oil into it.

[ At least it'll help with the bruising. ]

STOOPPP HE'S JUST EMBARRASSED

[supporter]

[ He loses the support when Komaeda leans on him in return, but he can only see it as a positive development. He's always showered the other with affection and soft words, so it must be difficult suddenly have that taken away from him, and under such stressful circumstances no less. He'll have to be more mindful.

He tries not to flinch as he leans over the tub, turning the faucet on and feeling the warm water beneath his fingers. He remains mindful of how cool his body runs now as he tests it, gauging it as much based on the feeling as how he'd normally adjust it for the two of them. Once he's satisfied, he'll push the drain stopper down. The bath is plenty big enough for both of him, though that's never stopped him from pulling Komaeda close as though it weren't.

He should have picked up rose petals on the way home. Rose petals for the bath, and a bouquet for his husband who's having such a difficult time. ]

Have you eaten yet? I can make us dinner after we're done.